Alright. The Horror 101 final exam entries have been gathered and graded, and two winners have been selected. As a reminder to readers, the goal was to create a hypothetical movie in the same style as the teaching examples used in our Horror 101 lessons. The prize is glory! (plus a copy of my ridiculous book and a mystery horror DVD).

The winners – in no particular order – are:

Rob Ottone
(for Heads Will Roll)

Jason A Trent
(for Class Trip 2)

Congrats, gents! Now, for the class presentations.


Heads Will Roll

Opening June 10th, 2011

Josh Hutcherson stars as Chance Curtis (coward hero), a nebbish, highly-intelligent member of the photography club caught in the middle of a town gone mad. When news spreads of a “cool” new way to stream music onto their iPhones through a new app, Chance’s classmates and friends all jump at the chance for some free music (after all, how will they get their doses of the “Glee” soundtrack without it?). Little do they know that pulsing through their earbuds is a viral tone that causes massive cranial overdrive, enraging the hypothalamus and turning every teenager who uses the app into a sex-crazed, cannibalistic maniac.

Chance, alongside the object of his unrequited love, Jennifer (played by Camilla Bell, Girl Who Knows Things), captain of the debate team and closet technophile, try to escape their town, only to find it horribly destroyed by the horde, their fellow students (The Infected), earbuds dangling, various blood-pumping tones intermixed with music piercing the night.

The adults in the town have come under attack by The Horde, though some (including The Jokester/Lazarus Friend, Chance’s chum Nick, played by Nathan Kress) have taken up inside the town church, and have barricaded themselves in. When The Horde attacks, Chance, Jennifer, and Nick barely escape. Later on, Nick proves his worth by breaking the seriousness of the situation, as well as being formidable against The Horde, making him “The Helpful”. Nick appears to sacrifice himself to save Jennifer and Chance during their escape, however; he re-appears, carrying a shotgun, and covered in blood, and cracking a joke about the events of the night.

The Victim pool is comprised of the adults in the town, as well as some of the students who don’t have iPhones (the haves and have-nots?). This results in a massive level of slaughter, gore, and mayhem (all set to a soundtrack by The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, hence the title) in the sleepy Connecticut coastal town of Santa Miranda.


Class Trip 2 (1982)

‘The students of Evergreen High thought their nightmares were over…
They were DEAD wrong.

“Based on a True Story”

Gayle Dorotea, (a coward hero? Patch McKenzie) sits on the ground surrounded by emergency vehicles and scurrying EMT’s. She shivers in a blanket. A paramedic offers a cup of coffee and questions her. “Just tell us what happened? What did you see?” ‘…This can’t be stopped…it will never end…until it kills us all.’ She says, sobbing.

She wakes up screaming and a sub-title informs us that it is one year later. We learn that Gayle is a college freshmen and about to go on a field trip to a mental hospital in upstate NY. We meet her sex-crazed roommate Trisha (useless girl, Bess Motta) and Trisha’s sex-crazed and a hard-partying jock boyfriend (Jokester, Bill Paxton) Professor Grindsaff (Abel Ferrara sporting a Geraldo Rivera ‘stache) is very fond of Gayle. He was friends with Gayle’s mother (Tyne Daley) who was a faculty member at the college. Gayle’s mother was killed by her estranged father, a jealous cop, when Gayle was very young.

We learn in flashbacks told by a smart but antisocial class-clown (Billy Wirth) the events of “Class Trip” part one:

When Gayle was still in high school she survived a massacre on a field trip to the very college that she now attends. She thought the murderer was her father, (Chuck Conners) but it turned out to be her Aunt Emily (Cassandra Peterson/Robbie Jacks; split role) wearing one of her father’s old police uniforms and bandages over her face. Emily, a spinster, always thought Gayle’s father should have been with her. Jealous and resentful of her young charge, she flipped her bitch switch and went Mama Borhees on Evergreen High School, Class of 1981. She almost killed Gayle, before police shot Aunt Emily form the top of a clock tower where she fell to her death.

Back in the sequel, Billy the joker cracks wise that maybe Gayle’s crazy father will be locked up at the asylum. The thoroughly bland teacher’s assistant (Michael Gross) who has been making googly eyes at Gayle tells the Wirth “maybe we should leave you there, weirdo’ and a meaningful glance between he and Gayle is exchanged.

At the abandoned mental hospital, Professor Grindstaff gives a bleeding-heart speech about how the mentally ill are ‘misunderstood’ and ‘need help’. He did his dissertation on the terrible conditions at the Willowcreek Asylum and was instrumental in getting it shut down. He tells the students to take a break and meet him back at the elevator of the main lobby in an hour. This is code for ‘go get killed while acting stupidly’, which they promptly and enthusiastically do.

First kills: Twenty-something paranormal-geek types (Tom Savini, Adam Baldwin) Nothing to do with the plot, ended up at the asylum on a dare. Passing a joint in the front seat while shitty heavy metal ballad plays on the radio. One makes the ‘Twilight Zone’ ‘doo-doo-Doo-doo’ sound that assholes make when implying that a situation is weird and is promptly WHACKED! The Killer was in the backseat! As he slashes their throats his eyes glow red with supernatural evil. Trisha and her Bill Paxton boyfriend sneak off to have sex in a padded cell while a shitty metal band plays a power ballad on a jam-box that Paxton brought. Paxton; WHACKED…right after Trisha takes her top off. Trisha: acts completely useless while Paxton gets killed right after she takes her top off. Killer appeared from behind the open door (he would have to have been in the padded cell already); She runs screaming and topless into the woods outside the asylum..
Cut to: Some jokers from the class (one a “New-Waver” with a ‘punk’ hair-do), sing “Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment’ while playing around with an actual electro-shock machine. The Killer appears and gives them teenage lobotomies. WHACKITY-WHACK!

The thoroughly bland hero type has attached himself to Gayle. They keep stumbling on bodies hung up by the ankles from the ceiling that somehow drop from the waist whenever they enter a room. Gayle says “It’s happening again”

“Where is Professor Grindstaff?” Gayle must find him and Bland hero guy obliges her, leading the way through creepy psych wards. Are they lost? It appears to be light outside from inside the building.

Meanwhile, Trisha runs sobbing, to the road and flags down an off-duty State Trooper (Keith Carradine) with the arm she is not using to cover her breasts.

The Killer, dressed as a policeman and with bandages covering his face attacks Gayle and bland hero when they find the elevator.

He has been waiting patiently and he drops down form the ceiling to attack them. Clever Killer. Hero-guy stabs the Killer in one eye with a rusty scalpel. The Killer’s one good eye glows brighter with compensatory rage! He kills bland hero guy (whack) and disappears just as State Trooper Carradine arrives with Trisha (in a flannel hunting shirt now) in the lobby.

Gayle says “It’s happening again” and “Where is the Professor?” a lot more times. There he is! He wanders into the main lobby all bloody! And has been stabbed in the eye!

Gayle freaks, “It’s him! Professor Grindstaff is The Killer!”
“No!” he insists, holding a rag to his eye socket.
“You got about three seconds, to explain, buddy.” State Trooper Carradine advises with sidearm drawn.
“I was attacked by Gayles father! He is here somehow! All my liberal ideas about reforming the crazy were wrong! Your father was locked up here…he escaped after I had this place condemned! I loved your mother, I am the reason your parents broke up, I always felt responsible! -Uggh”. The Professor is killed as The Killer drops through a skylight and impales him with an old fashioned television ariel from the roof. WHACK.

State Trooper drops The Killer with every round in his service revolver. His bandages have fallen away revealing Chick Conners . It was really Gayles crazy father all along! His glowing red eyes dim and flicker out.

“Let’s get you back home” Carradine says to Gayle, giving her his coat. Shivering, sobbing she buries her head in his shoulder.

She looks up for a moment, straight into the camera and HER EYES ARE GLOWING RED.

Roll Credits: Shitty Heavy Metal Ballad plays.