On the soundtrack for Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, we are briefly reminded of an angry young chubby dude who helped invent gangsta rap. Today’s Variety brings us to the reality of what happened to that boy from South Central – he started making silly comedies.
Are We There Yet? was just an embarrassment, but not enough to take Ice Cube off the Pacifier career track – his next film will – after remaking fucking Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House – will probably be Teacher of the Year, a comedy about two junior high teachers viciously competing for the titular honors.
Cube as a gangbanger in Boyz N The Hood was fine. Cube as a soldier in Three Kings worked. Cube as a daddy day care on wheels in Are We There Yet?? Not so much. And now Cube as a JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER?
Sure, Eazy-E is actually dead, but now I feel like Cube is symbolically gone as well. Let’s lower our heads and remember what a good day for this guy used to be:
Just waking up in the morning gotta thank God
I don’t know but today seems kinda odd
No barking from the dog, no smog
And momma cooked a breakfast with no hog
I got my grub on, but didn’t pig out
Finally got a call from a girl wanna dig out
Hooked it up for later as I hit the dough
Thinking will I live, another twenty-fo’
I gotta go cause I got me a drop top
And if I hit the switch, I can make the ass drop
Had to stop at a red light
Looking in my mirror not a jacker in sight
And everything is alright
I got a beep from Kim and she can fuck all night
Called up the homies and I’m askin y’all
Which court, are y’all playin basketball?
Get me on the court and I’m trouble
Last week fucked around and got a triple-double
Freaking brothers every way like M.J.
I can’t believe, today was a good day
Drove to the pad and hit the showers
Didn’t even get no static from the cowards
Cause just yesterday them fools tried to blast me
Saw the police and they rolled right past me
No flexin, didn’t even look in a niggaz direction
as I ran the intersection
Went to Short Dog’s house, they was watchin YO! MTV Raps
What’s the haps on the craps
Shake em up, shake em up, shake em up, shake em
Roll em in a circle of niggaz and watch me break em
With the seven, seven-eleven, seven-eleven
Seven even back do’ little Joe
I picked up the cash flow
Then we played bones, and I’m yellin domino
Plus nobody I know got killed in South Central L.A.
Today was a good day
Left my niggaz house paid
Picked up a girl been tryin to fuck since the twelve grade
It’s ironic, I had the brew she had the chronic
The Lakers beat the Supersonics
I felt on the big fat fanny
Pulled out the jammy, and killed the punanny
And my dick runs deep, so deep, so deep
put her ass to sleep
Woke her up around one
she didn’t hesitate, to call Ice Cube the top gun
Drove her to the pad and I’m coasting
Took another sip of the potion hit the three-wheel motion
I was glad everything had worked out
Dropped her ass off, then I chirped out
Today was like one of those fly dreams
Didn’t even see a berry flashing those high beams
No helicopter looking for a murder
Two in the morning got the fat burger
Even saw the lights of the Goodyear Blimp
And it read Ice Cube’s a pimp
Drunk as hell but no throwing up
Half way home and my pager still blowing up
Today I didn’t even have to use my A.K.
I got to say it was a good day.