Dead Sea, Live Salesmen!
I was in the mall the other day and for some reason the things that I typically gloss over while I’m there really irritated the shit out of me. It may have been my man period or it may have been that I’d always been preoccupied in the past with keeping my daughter happy, the task at hand, or my own pocket infused masturbation. That day, the mall walkers and the tennis moms and the parents publicly reprimanding their kids set me off a little more than normal.
The worst offender though, one which has repeatedly been a pain in my ass in the past with their sales pitches, was the woman in the Dead Sea Kiosk. If you haven’t seen these things, they’re these aromatherapy type little businesses typically manned by attractive if somewhat spooky men and women of either Middle Eastern or Grecian descent [but I’m not the sharpest at discerning, so they could be Asian Leprechauns for all I know] who flag you down with the subtlety of an AC/DC tune.
If you’re a man, like I have been known to be from time to time… they eye your ring finger and begin to accost you about your wife, trying to deflect any negative body language or disinterest with a rebuttal within milliseconds. If your ring finger is empty they prey on your girlfriend, and if the man says they are single the salesperson then tries to indicate how their Dead Sea shit will make them into a sexual Chuck Yeager. Meanwhile, you just want to get away so you can sample the new Beast of Yucca Flats flavor at Teavana…
I’m sure that their product has SOME merit, but these people are so oily, so transparent, and so much into the hard sell that I just want to push their little Kiosk down the escalator and kill a few Mets fans.
Of course, judging by the appearance of some of these people, if I cross them they’ll wave their finger in front of me and say “Thinner” and I’ll waste away without getting to fuck Kari Wuhrer.
Before
I go, here’s the latest thing I’m adding to the blog. Each day I’ll
have a song, a piece of artwork, a photo, a Mary Worth, or something to
further justify your click and to give the trolls a little more ammo.
Today, the latest tune from The Killing Swarm, my main band and the one with enough talent so that my meager skills aren’t as vital. A jammy little tune called Greenbacks:
Guitars, Backing Vocals – Steve Murphy / Drums – John Makarewicz / Vocals – Nick Nunziata
Bass, Backing Vocals – Micah Robinson / Keys, Backing Vocals – Dave Krosner
– Nick Nunziata wishes the Dead Sea featured more than just floaty bodies and the Charon.