It’s a new week out there for DVDs. While not technically a slam-bang one like the days past, releases are still being thrown out there. Now it’s up to you to decide which one(s) you want to purchase. I suggest several, but the names I’m not telling. I like to keep it a secret. Also, if you only read one thing in these pages upon pages, check out the BARGAIN BIN. You won’t be sorry. In the meantime, let’s go!


Go On: Eat It!

American Pyscho Uncut SE
While Christian Bale is pummeling bad guys and good reviews away (seriously Devin, what’s up with sharing your opinion?) courtesy of his newly fashioned Batcowl, it’s time for Lions Gate to remold one of his best films into American Psycho: Uncut Killer Special Edition (oh how clever they are, title-wise). If I am ever buff enough (and tuff enuff -like Mr. T), I thought about running down ex-girlfriends with a mighty sexy chainsaw. Uh, wait, I shouldn’t be sharing that with you. First off, I have no ex-girlfriends. I live in my parent’s basement. Mom bothers me all the time with her pesky questions. No, I don’t want a job. No, my laundry is fine on the floor, thanks. Yes, I am looking at some disgusting Hentai that I find mildly erotic. Wait! Back on topic, Mary Harron (and not Hannon) directs a sublimely inspired adaptation of Brett Easton Ellis’ darkly comic novel, about the 80’s Me, Me, ME (minus the gimme gimmes) era of greed, cocaine, and chopping up bloody bits of naked soft flesh. Christian Bale is Patrick Bateman, a hero for all of those people harboring inner psychotic desires (you know who you are, like you!), throwing himself into the role with reckless abandon and a whole lot of detached emo-ti-cons. This is the guy, after all, who like Mr. Freeze can’t feel a single shred of human emotion, and has to return his massive collection of horded videotapes, like myself way back in the day. Are they BetaSP’s? Probably not, but the one thing I can mention is that this is one seriously demented film, but Harron manages to make the most of it, focusing in on the myriad of social issues within the male society. Shining her spotlight on the relatively vain male psychosis (something Carly Simon claims to know about), she lets it rip with nary a whoopee (Goldberg) cushion in sight. American Psycho is still a great razor sharp film that manages to defy all odds, and as Nick once mentioned: "the greatest thing about this movie is that it actually exists."

If the ATM Machine wants stray cats, you feed it stray cats! – with: director/writer commentary, cast & crew commentary (no word on whether or not Bale takes the microphone), postcards from the ’80s, some on-the-set interviews and behind-the-scenes information, and some deleted scenes.


Jacket DVDWhen a movie set in Vermont is produced in Scotland and Québec, you tend to sit up and notice little tiny items about the film that appear out of place. Surely enough, being born in New England doesn’t help, and living around people, locations, and architecture styles leads you to develop a neurosis towards those types of things (it’s not a tumor!). For example, the church the main characters visit is entirely out of place in a colonial style. It looks more Gothic, like it would in … Canada. In The Jacket (read Devin’s "I don’t think I need to see it again" review right here and remember, CHUD’s DVD Review – COMING SOON), George Clooney and Steven Soderberg’s Section Eight enlist director John Maybury to bring a relative eeriness and off-kilter qualities to the proceedings of a man who appears has time traveled to 2007 from 1992. Award winning groovin’ Diet Coke pitchman Adrian Brody (sans funk master flex white suit) is Jack Starks, a man who returns from battle shy of one throbbing and healed head-wound, and meets up with Brad Renfro and his cop-killing ways. Brody’s then thrown into a mental institution, where he is underneath the radical care of Kris Kristofferson, who really is just here to sound all gravelly and mean. Subjecting Brody to intensive treatments via a straightjacket, this allows Starks to jump forward in time, and meet the now-grown up (and wearing a lot of eye shadow’ed) Kiera Knightley. It’s only then that the pair consummate their strange freaky love with one of the most anorexically thin touching fests this side of wondering what the Olsen twins must be like (although, I’d suggest not doing this, there’s too much BoHo chic clothing). The pair then tag-team against Macho Man Kristy Savage and snap into their own brand of sleuthing slimjim, all in regards to how Starks, who has been sitting in a box 06 feet under manages to come back to life! He’s alive! Alive! Either way, the film feels a little half-baked once it’s all said and done, complete with a relatively PSA message (don’t do drugs!). That wasn’t a spoiler, although I did ruin the ending for you. Just foolin’!

Be 27 when you die for the first time, courtesy of the horror that is Leviathan, with: a project history, some deleted scenes, The Look Of The Jacket: a featurette focusing in on the films’ special effects, and the theatrical trailer.


Willis Hostage DVDWhat the hell is a Giallo? Well, smartypants, it’s what you’d call an Italian influenced film along the lines of Argento and Bava (who pioneered the smallish moment), complete with a contrived plot, and investigator, and some red herrings. Fish are involved? Russ Fisher throws his hands in the air (like he just don’t care) and gives up mightily on you (and me) with his "American nightmare" review! Additionally, enter CHUD’s Hostage DVD Contest (click here for the goodies) and win yourself some digital action! Please note that CHUD won’t be providing your funpoint action, but rather the DVD will. Meanwhile, when sunlight hits that gruff baldhead of Bruce Willis, you know he’s come to town, bringing hell with him. Not just any hell either, the type of hell that packs its own shorts, just in case there’s a pool party. Willis is the former LA-county hostage negotiator, now living it up west-side style in Ventura country (represent!). There, he’s put into a dangerous situation (the shit gets too old for him!) involving some teens in the home of an accountant (Pollack!), who also happens to be wrapped up in organized crime. A tiny inconvenience is that these dastardly men have grabbed a hold of Willis’ wife and kids (Damon Wayans thanks him), and are keeping them under wraps (Chicken Caesar optional) until Willis can help them out and get what they need. Except, like Mick Jaggar (and not Dean Jagger, fools) once crooned "you can’t always get what you want." You may try sometimes, but Willis is gonna make sure he delivers the surprisingly moral conflict goods, in a great performance molded by Florent Siri, who wrought forth two Splinter Cell video games.

Maybe a hat would cover up that spot? – with: an audio commentary by director Siri, a behind-the-scenes featurette, and some deleted and extended scenes with optional commentary by Siri. Pollack!


Cursed Unrated EditionIn all fairness, I’m applying the self-named moniker of the Master of Cheese (and run-on sentences, and possibly parentheses). Hence forth, please feel free to call me this. My publicist thanks you. Mr. Bert Fields might thank you, although he’ll say: "who the fuck is THAT?" if you mention my name and fire off a twenty page missive requiring my cease and desist, lest I ever become a prospective client. My next question is: can one truly call themselves the Master of Horror when you’ve directed a little curio called Vampire In Brooklyn? Or possibly, can one spout off that title when you’ve made an arguably weak film called Cursed? Check out Russ’ "I wished I was dead than watch this film over again" 2.0 review right here! Word on the street is that pretty much everyone thought Cursed was utter crapola, so Dimension busts out not one, but two DVD releases on Tuesday (the theatrical and the -wait for it! – Unrated Edition). Hopefully, after reading Russ’ review and everything else I’ve heard snickering through the internet fanboy hallways, the Unrated Edition has some ‘splainin’ to do, and one can only hope a better movie emerges. While I don’t think that’ll ever happen in my intensive wishful thinking, you do get Christina Ricci and Jessie Eisenberg (brother of the young Pepsi girl?), as two snarling lycanthropes, who tears ass into the hearts and minds of all those around him. File down your checklist as the pair goes through Kevin Williamson’s motions, clichés pile up, and eyes roll in CHUD DVD Reviewing horror (it’s coming – SOON!). Then again, you don’t wanna wait, for your life to be over, so heed CHUD’s own warnings, and make sure to stay clear of this project from the self-disputed Master of something or other. As for his next, Red Eye?, well, maybe there’s some good in there, somewhere. On your way to the end of this column, make sure to enter CHUD’s Unrated Cursed Contest right here, and win some free stuff, courtesy of your favorite website. At least, it’d better be, or I’ll send Sheriff Buford T. Law to your humble abode.

Reshoot and shoot until your hearts galore (or until your heart is complete gore) with: an audio commentary by Effects Makeup supervisor and actor Derek Mears on four selected scenes, and 04 featurettes (Behind-the-scenes, The Cursed effects, Creature Editing 101, and Becoming a Werewolf), on top of the Unrated Edition containing 02 whole EXTRA minutes! Hee-haw!


Coach CarterSamuel Jackson continues his box office master reign (this movie added to his top tier status in bringing home the greenback to the studios, a fact which he seems to have to tell everyone every day or two) in the little basketball flick, Coach Carter. As for the film itself, the trailer sealed the deal for me in terms of what to expect from the film. You’ve seen the story before: a talented young guy makes good, only to have his life changed for the better, only to return to the game he held so pure (my pure game are Pogs, which I got into for like, four seconds) and teach his no good whippersnapping fucktard kids a thing or two. He’s paid the cost to be tha boss, if Snoop and I know what we’re talking about. For those keeping score (read: no one!), points have been deducted from my whiteness factor. "Carter quickly sees that his work is cut out for him — the team is having an awful season, and their fights off the court are more decisive than their play on the court. While Carter wants to make the Richmond Cagers into a winning team, he also wants a lot more — to teach the boys to respect themselves and one another, and that they must excel in the classroom as well as in the gymnasium. Under Carter’s guidance, the team turns their losing season around, with the state title a genuine possibility." There’s a few more twists and turns embedded into the narrative flavor, the most of which has a hint of ketchup (beat that, Rex Reed!, oh wait, you already have).

I can’t stop yelling, ’cause that’s how I talk! – with: 02 featurettes, 06 deleted scenes, and the theatrical trailer.



Miss Congeniality 02 DVDMiss Congeniality didn’t do much for me, so it’s necessary that they anger the gods, give Sandra Bullock a star on the Hollywood walk of fame (Seacrest has one, but Bullock is an adequate actress hampered by bad roles), and bring forth Miss Congeniality 02: Armed And Fabulous. This being a title you’re surely going to have to see with some girl (or boy) sometime in our puny little lives. Let’s call it the this-for-that DVD. You need too see this to get something, whatever it may be, possibly world domination? Unless you truly like Miss Congeniality, then well, all right, good for you. The contrived plot, courtesy of Two Weeks Notice‘s Mark Lawrence (although that film was stupidly enjoyable for Grant), has "F.B.I. operative Gracie Hart (Sandra Bullock), [who] now [is] supposedly so recognizable that her only use to the agency is as a pretty public representative. Dumped by her boyfriend, a gloomy Gracie goes along with the promo biz until her friend, Miss United States, is kidnapped along with pageant official Stan Fields (William Shatner) in Las Vegas. Bullock still has perk to please her fans, but neither she nor her awkward alter-ego has any purpose in a sequel to a movie released five years prior. The result is a desperately unfunny, feature-length commercial for Las Vegas tourism, with outdated homosexual stereotypes (Diedrich Bader) and the usually terrific Regina King stuck in a glum role as Bullock’s butch bodyguard." From the director of Jungle2Jungle comes crazy hijinx, and you better be ready, willing and able. For some odd reason, I am picturing Edna Mode. I don’t know why.

Special Features include: additional scenes and the theatrical trailer. This also comes with a version featuring the soundtrack coupled with the DVD. Please don’t purchase/rent the Fullscreen version. Seriously.


Starchaser Legend of OrinUsually, if it was made in the eighties, and is animated, chances are, I’d have seen it (minus the Rambo cartoons that just came out and I must pilfer from all available sources). Then, there’s stuff like Starchaser: The Legend Of Orin, that just comes out and blindsides me like the Disney board did to Roy and his brethren. Supposedly this film takes some liberal elements from George Lucas’ space opera (the one that brought forth over 30 years of culture shock as one famous man lamented in Variety to another) with a dash of the Knights of the Round Table. "Young Orin lives in an oppressed, underground world in which humans have become the slaves of robots. One day the hero finds the handle of a sword and in a vision is told that if he can locate the blade, he will be able to overthrow the robots. Off he goes on his quest, up to the surface world where he meets and teams up with Dagg to face the evil empire in a series of daring battles. Along the way, Orin and Dagg have their own love interests, and a bit of swarthy language occasionally peppers their conversation as well." Seriously, when I was little I peppered my conversations with a bit for swarthy language – example "I stubbed my fucking sonofabitch toe Ma! Why does it burn like I’d just had sex with Ginger and Amber Lynn?" – and then there’d be trouble, boatloads of slide whistling trouble.

Swashbuckle your way into the hearts and minds of the young’uns, but leave out the Santa Maria trial, with: the original theatrical trailer.


BandW Silly me, I was unaware that segregation exists in DVD-land. It’s still around, but I wasn’t expecting its nasty head to rear into our digital realm! So now we get Bewitched: Season One. One version is in Black and White, and the other in Color. Hmmm. Couldn’t they just have put them together? Can’t we all just get along? Why the hate? There’s enough injustices in the world today, like the soon-to-be-released film version of the show. Look closely at that version, is it my imagination, or does it look like it’ll destroy Color your soul within one scandalous breath? One minute you’ll be laughing along to Will Ferrell’s crazy antics and the next, breath, boom! – you’re walloping in a pool of some old dinosaur’s nasty, dirty piss. Then again, we can always count on: "the Stephens were sitcoms’ first mixed marriage. Advertising executive Darrin Stephens (Dick York) was mortal, and wife Samantha (Elizabeth Montgomery) was a witch. According to a retrospective segment included on this four-disc set, the Stephenses were also the first couple to sleep in one bed! … This high-concept series’ saving grace was that Darrin insisted that Samantha not engage in any "hocus-pocus." But in this first season, she would be compelled to use her extraordinary powers to right social wrongs, champion the underdog, or to restore a troubled boy’s Christmas spirit. Or, she might just want to turn the tables on an insulting former girlfriend of Darrin’s." So be damned to the depths of Sam Neill’s hell (on a spaceship, preferably) as you must now choose between the black and white version and the coloreds version. I wonder which one the south will pick!

Cower in fear with these special features: 02 featurettes – Magic and Mishap and The Magic Unveiled, spilled out over 04 discs.


Oz Fifth SeasonI’m enjoying the fact that Amazon is listing the more-than-capable actor Lee Tergesen as being the prime actor in Oz: The Complete Fifth Season. I thought it was great to see him get sucked into the sky in The Forgotten trailer, a movie which people tell me not to bother with, due to its craptastic developments and ending, which you can spot a mile away. Coming from a mile away is the debauchery in Emerald City, the prison that houses some of notorious people who’ve committed some serious crimes. I think what lies in it’s interesting qualities is that Tom Fontana’s drama keeps you on your toes, constantly wondering what’s going to happen next to the eclectic group of characters. "It’s a new year, and Emerald City’s got a brand-new look. The walls are cleaner, the cafeteria is bigger, and everything is fresher…everything on the outside, that is. Inside the hearts and minds of the prisoners, Oz is just as dark and raw as ever. The renovations may be complete, but the mayhem is starting all over again." Oz does have some scenes of intensity (one’s that would be right at home alongside Burt Reynolds and Ned Beatty), but it’s just another harsh aspect of the show, which continues to step up its accolades and instances of Ernie Hudson!

The Special Features get shanked with: audio commentary by series creator Tom Fontana and Dean Winters (Ryan O’Reily) on episode 08, "Impotence" and over 20 minutes of deleted scenes.


Yellow Asphalt
At first glance, and a quick one at that, I thought that Yellow Asphalt was about those things you did to the snow when you were a helluva lot younger. Writing your name, your true loves name (gross!), and your immortal enemy (Columbo) into the white stuff was more than retribution for the evil deeds done in grade school. Leave it to me to talk about absolutely nothing related to this film, and of course, be a complete asshole! Sorry. "As western culture gradually began to infiltrate the Judean desert, once the sole domain of the Bedouin tribes, the convergence of contemporary mores and ancient traditions was unavoidable. At the edge of modern Israel and the Bedouin way of life, three dramatic encounters between two very different societies set the stage for Yellow Asphalt: the tragic death of a Bedouin boy on the asphalt road cutting the desert in two; the impossible marriage between a German woman and her Bedouin husband and the forbidden love affair of a Bedouin maid and her Israeli employer." Supposedly, this film took 07 years to produce, and is incredibly frank within its depictions of the sympathies shown for the cause of the Middle Eastern woman against oppression.

My search yielded no special features, so that’s a gigantic bummer.


The next couple of weeks are going to be relatively slow for DVD releases, but you are going to get a wealth of B-titles that should either enthrall, scare, or destroy you into a quivering submission.






Things That Make You Go: Criterion

In order to facilitate the vastness of this column and make it easier on your eyes and reading skills (I mean, who wants to read and read and read?), I subjected the Criterion section to the various casualties involved and like previous other months, have trimmed it down to just cover art. Part of the fun of clicking on them is to discover if the film sounds like anything you’d ever want to see. I’d suggested checking out Unfaithfully Yours, which I hear is spectacular, a word I seemingly overuse. Click away!

Unfaithfully YoursLe Notti Bianche
Story Of A ProstituteGate Of Flesh


Further afield, make sure to look out for The Flowers Of St. Francis (Rossellini), Bondu Saved From Drowning (seriously strange cover art, but it’s from Renoir!), and Harakiri. A fourth title should be announced any day now.



Oh, Dear God

Run! Cower in fear! It’s the third week in the month! That means this bulging column gets ever bigger! The list! The list of upcoming titles for the month of July is coming! Scratch that, it has arrived and is bigger than anything found in Burt Reynold’s moustache after eating raw meat.

07.05.05:
Bride & Prejudice
Cool Surface
Dear Frankie
The Fantastic Four: Complete Series
The First Howie Mandel Special
Five Children and It
Forever Lulu
Georgy Girl
Going the Distance
Hexed
Hide and Seek
In My Country
Monk: Season Three
Nadine
Premonition
Point Blank (yes!)
Prozac Nation
Roughnecks: Starship Troopers Chronicles – The Complete Campaigns
Strange Bedfellows
Tour of Duty – The Complete Third Season
Twenty Bucks
Warner Brothers Film Noir Boxed Set – Volume Two (includes: Born To Kill, Clash By Night, Crossfire, Dillinger, and The Narrow Margin)

07.12.05:
A Very Long Engagement
The Adventurers
Anatomy of a Shark Bite
Another Time, Another Place
The Bad News Bears: Triple Play Collection
The Best of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe
Best of the Original Mickey Mouse Club
Bill & Ted’s Most Excellent Collection
The Boys & Girl From County Clare
A Breath of Scandal
Confessions of an American Bride
Cry-Baby: Director’s Cut
Dawn Anna
Disneyland – The Secrets, Stories and Magic of the Happiest Place on Earth
Dracula III: Legacy
Elephant Walk
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie
Ghost In The Shell 02: Innocence (Unrated Special Edition)
Guns, Germs, and Steel
Hercules/The Adventures of Hercules
Illegally Yours
It Started In Naples
JSA: Joint Security Area
Love at First Bite
The Magic Sword
Manna from Heaven
Mickey Mouse Club: The Best of Britney, Justin and Christina
Million Dollar Baby (comes with Widescreen, Fullscreen, and 03 Disc Deluxe Edition)
Mondovino
Moving Violations
The Nanny: The Complete First Season
National Lampoon’s Class Reunion
National Lampoon’s Movie Madness
Night Moves
The Party Animal
The Rainmaker (1956)
Scarecrow
Sealab 2021: Season III
Sinbad of the Seven Seas
State Property 02: Philly Streets
Tales from the Crypt: The Complete First Season
Teen Witch
Twice in a Lifetime
Vintage Mickey
Weekend at Bernie’s
Wishing Stairs

07.19.05:
Andromeda: Season Four
Baby Wordsworth
Battle of the Atlantic
BBC History of World War II Box Set
Charlie
Cleopatra 2525: The Complete Series
Constantine (come in Widescreen and 02-Disc Deluxe Edition)
The Crow: Wicked Prayer
Dead Like Me: Season Two
D-Day to Berlin (BBC)
Dora The Explorer: Super Babies
Earth 02: The Complete Series
Harry and Max
Horror in the East
Ice Princess
Laguna Beach: The Complete First Season
Lost in Space: Season Three Volume Two
Man of the House
Mind Games
Michael Palin: Himalaya
Nazis: A Warning from History (BBC)
Paranoid
Pup Named Scooby-Doo: Volume 01
Pup Named Scooby-Doo: Volume 02
Saved by the Bell: Season Five
Sliders: The Third Season
Up and Down
Urban Legends 03: Bloody Mary
War of the Century

07.26.05:
03rd Rock from the Sun: Season 01
Benny Hill Complete and Unadulterated – The Naughty Early Years, Set Three
Beulah Land
Blue and the Gray: Recut
Bolero
Brady Bunch: The Complete Second Season
Brothers in Arms
Cold Feet: The Complete Third Season
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman: The Complete Season Six
Errol Morris’ First Person: The Complete Series
The Errol Morris DVD Collection
Fighting Tommy Riley
Gilligan’s Island: Third Season
Hotel
Jacques Cousteau Pacific Explorations
Jay Jay the Jet Plane: School Is Cool
Jay Jay the Jet Plane: Imagination Station
The Jerk: 26th Anniversary Edition
King’s Ransom
Lady Chatterley’s Lover
The Mary Tyler Moore Show: The Complete Second Season
Mata Hari
Not Another Teen Movie (Unrated Director’s Cut)
Remington Steele: Season One (also comes in Vol. 01 and Vol. 02)
Slaves of New York
Star Trek: Enterprise – Season Two
Steamboy: Director’s Cut
Steamboy/Memories 02-Pack
The Upside of Anger
Warm Summer Rain
Whole Shebang
Wilder Days
Wild Orchid 2: Blue Movie Blue
Wind in the Willows: Series 02
Xena: 10th Anniversary Collection
XXX: State of the Union


The Following Is Partly Devoted To Warner Brothers

I’m not a shill for them, nor do I even work for them, but week after week they continue to factory pump out their DVD babies like one serious steakswinger of digital doom. Let alone the quality the WB is putting into these fine items. I don’t even know where to begin!

On the 04th of October, get ready for The Val Lewton Collection. You might have known this one was coming (due to WB’s chat with the HTF a while back, like a year ago) and those sly bastards hinted that it would be out by the end of the year. The only covers missing are the double-disc titles of The Leopard Man/The Ghost Ship, and The Seventh Victim/Val Lewton: A Life In Pictures (an all new documentary) combo. All of the titles will be available to own separately, but goddamned, this is a great time to love movies. I Walked With a Zombie! Cat People! The Body Snatcher! Yes! Cruise fist pump! Special features, which are incredibly spotty range from: several audio commentaries (Greg Mank and Simone Simon on Cat People and Curse of the Cat People, Steve Haberman and Robert Wise on The Body Snatcher, Kim Newman with Steve Jones on I Walked With a Zombie, Steve Haberman on The Seventh Victim, and Tom Weaver on Bedlam), coupled with theatrical trailers and the all-new documentary already mentioned.






 Over The EdgeTeen angst and its respective portrayals have been well documented over the years (Rebel Without A Cause, Lord Love A Duck, Class of 1984, DePalma’s Carrie, and Angus). However, with the film Over The Edge, we get one of the more honest instances of angst being angsty and the results are interesting, to say the least. Coincidentally anyone living in a small town has the same feelings on display here. Hell, the ones I grew up in closed around 8:30 PM, save for the pizza joint, or local bar, and the closest bastion of freedom was the big city, 25 minutes away and they closed down around 10 PM. Left at our own freewill and base desires, there was a hell of a lot of boredom, wisecracking comments, and insane amounts of awkwardness (all attributed to me!). Matt Dillion, a 14 year old one, makes his debut in Over The Edge, Jonathan Kaplan’s study of restless youth. "This bland little town has been designed with conformity in mind, and with no thought of making the kids’ lives worth living. Even worse, there is very little opportunity for any of the teens to grow "out" of the community and live elsewhere. Consequently, the kids rebel by drinking themselves sick, dealing in drugs, and indulging in deadly violence. Inasmuch as the local cops are predisposed to beat the teens into submission, the kids retaliate by directing their frustrations at the Law; the results are tragic, to be sure, but in no way predictable." The end result, like Goran and Globus predicted can only be decided in the Vegas championship stakes. Mixing your metaphors is fun.

Don’t push me, ’cause I’m close and trying not to loose my head, ah ha ha – with: audio commentary by Director Jonathan Kaplan, Screenwriters Charlie Haas and Tim Hunter and producer George Litto and the theatrical trailer.


Since we’re also on a Matt Dillion kick with this mention, you’d probably like to know that these are coming!




Layer Cake DVD
Matthew Vaughn’s assured debut was an adequate movie, but nothing ultimately special. He’s more than capable of telling a story with multiple characters with some visual antics, but as a whole, I found Layer Cake (check out Devin’s "surprisingly proficient presentation" review right here) to be just okay, and nothing else. While Daniel Craig displays the necessary chops that have formed, turning him into one of the finest actors of our generation (mark those self-prophesizing words), he can’t do much to salvage the clichéd plot contrivances and relatively MTV-induced cacophony of score stimulating the imagery. Don’t get me wrong, the movie’s as I mentioned, adequate, and Vaughn is a journeyman in the truest sense of the word, but I just can’t muster up more praise for the exploits of Craig’s unnamed main character XXXX. It’s the end of the line for Craig and he’s itching to get out and into the world, to live his life. Except that everything else around him keeps pulling him back in, and each time comes with big and bad consequences. Michael Gambon as one of the heads of a crime family was particularly inspiring, particularly because I could listen to his voice all day long. The bland Sienna Miller does fill in her fishnets rather well, but as a whole, she’s regulated to being the pretty girl while all the boys do their nasty things to one another. Either way, on 08.23.05, you can figure out for yourself if Layer Cake is worth the haxors speak on the cover, and if the 04 has anything to do with anything!

Those blue eyes can pierce through anything, including: director Matthew Vaughn and writer J.J. Connolly’s commentary, 14 Deleted Scenes with optional commentary, 02 Alternate Endings with optional commentary (