A Nice Hard Slap (1.28.08)

Welcome to the latest mind-blistering
missive from my spent casing of a noggin, filled to the rim with
shinola and burgeoning with backwash and partially chewed Red Vines.

I’ve
decided that the ‘Slap’ is going to be about life. Personal shit.
Professional shit. Random shit. That way, the Steady Leaks I run on the
main site and the ranty blogs I run here have their
own life. I want this to be a place of whatever. It may bore you. It
may be of value. It may turn you into a Eunuch, except not as hung.

Mercedes’ Rule.

I am beginning to think that the majority of people who drive a Mercedes-Benz in my town of Alpharetta/John’s Creek are elitist assholes. I know that rich people tend to be condescending and materialistic. It’s part of the deal and if I were in their shoes I’d probably be…

Nah, I’d be awesome.

There’s just a few things you notice out on the streets that are sometimes sad but often accurate stereotypes. In my experience, old people tend to be shitty drivers who go twenty miles under the speed limit and are oblivious to everything around them. I think they’re actually more dangerous than the fast and crazy drivers. They’re old I know. They’ve earned the right to take their time and look at the rest of us as ignorant nobodies. That said, I don’t want to be like them before I get to my destination so sometimes I might have to squeeze on by in a huff lest I become old myself.

In my experience, certain ethnicities and genders when combined are dangerous and horrible drivers. I’m not saying that I’m referring to all Asian women. I’m not! Sandy Lu of Ontario is apparently fantastic behind the wheel. If you know what I’m sayin’…

But nothing chafes me more than the Mercedes drivers who literally drive like they deserve to do whatever the hell they want, logic and safety be damned. I’ve seen more Mercedes-Benz’s run a light after it’s gone from amber to red more than any other brand. As if they’re thinking “They won’t hit me in THIS” or “I got this car by taking what’s mine!” or “If they hit me, I have better coverage!”.

You have to be defensive on the road. Sometimes selfish. But I’m a big believer in the ‘what goes around, comes around’ and though I’m generalizing to an extreme here, I think that when the automotive reckoning comes [Who Made Who, Who Made You?], it’ll be the Mercedes drivers who are experiencing the most painful and just punishment of us all.

– Nick Nunziata does not hate Asians. He loves them everywhere except on the road in front of him. And in bombers over Hawaii.

And now… another Mary Worth War Strip from the vault…

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