I’d like to take this opportunity to declare what you already know, and I already know, and everyone already knows, like there’s any need to be declared yet again:  New Year’s resolutions are as useful as pouring lemon into your eyeballs, and sometimes as probable as discussing Schopenhauer with a talking pig. 

This year’s end is fast approaching, making self evaluation as unavoidable as death.  And since this has been one gigantic, pustule infested asshole of a year, I thought I’d run through last year’s new year’s resolutions and how unsuccessful I was at making them happen.

1. Develop douche-ray vision (term penned by the wonderful writers of Community) and stay away from douchey musician types, especially if they look like Jeffrey Donovan.
Unknown, as I haven’t encountered any douchy musician types in the past year.  But that’s actually not a bad thing. 

2. Try to watch as many movies recommended by the good lads from The B Action Movie Thread.
Not entirely achieved.  Though achieving this is nearly impossible because of the bulk of movies recommended by these guys every week.  But I saw The Rookie and I didn’t hate it.  So It’s all good.  I think.

3. Read more, particularly sci-fi and fantasy novels.
Yes with the sci-fi, no with the fantasy.  I’m currently reading – and quite enamoured of- Neuromancer .  It might be my favourite book ever.

4. See Avatar, preferably on January 1.
Achieved.  I didn’t like it, and was promptly forced to endure a long lecture about what a cold hearted bitch I am for not liking it.  Because on my side of the world, it seems that if you don’t like Avatar, you’re dead inside.  If that is the case, I’m a massive black hole.

5. Avoid getting any injuries or getting into any minor freak accidents without becoming a hermit.
Achieved.  Though I’m still enduring the consequences of my last accident, I have no new injuries.  Hopefully that won’t change by the end of the year.

6. Continue with dance lessons despite inevitable bouts of insecurity and old injuries.
Achieved, and kind of proud of it.  Next year, my objective is to tackle Ballet.  Thankfully, my academy doesn’t demand the use of the unitard.  Wearing one would be a tragedy of epic proportions, because unitards are simply BAD for humanity.  BAD!

7. Get back into screenwriting, starting with short films. If this doesn’t fail, bravely go for the 457th attempt at writing a feature film without thinking it sucks ass by page 10.
Horribly failed.

8. Get back into drawing.
Even more horribly failed.

9. Make the District 9 t-shirts I promised myself I’d make.
So very failed.  Oh god…

10. Get the District 9 DVD and watch it until I memorize every line.
What am I doing to myself?  Failed.  But I still have time to correct this.

11. Do anything in my power to see the following movies, even if I have to resort to extreme measures: Machete (Done, and loved it), The Expendables (Done.  Loved it as much as I loved Machete), Tron Legacy (will be done soon), A Nightmare on Elm Street (didn’t see it), Outcast (It probably won’t come out here, must wait for DVD), Priest (Soon), Legion (Saw it, didn’t like it), London Boulevard (Soon), Inception (Loved it.  Saw it a way too many times), Green Zone (Loved it), Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One (Soon), Clash of the Titans (Didn’t see it), The Descent Part II (Didn’t see it), The A-Team (Saw it, liked it, loved the Sharlto), Alice in Wonderland (Didn’t see it), Burlesque (Soon), The Road (I am deeply ashamed that I haven’t seen it), and Kick-Ass (Loved it).

12. Fight the pull of MacGruber (and fail).
I failed at fighting the pull of MacGruber, which means that I saw it, but only half of it, and then I walked out.  Didn’t like it.

13. Finally become a regular viewer of Supernatural.

14. Continue this CHUD blog, because despite the incredible amount of crap I post, it’s fun.
Miraculously achieved, as proven by this post.

15. Get a freaking life.
Ha!  Like that’s gonna happen.

In conclusion, I’ve failed miserably and I’m never making New Year’s resolutions again.

I can’t wait for this damn year to end…