What The Fuck Is This Song About? (or WTFITSA, if you’re into clunky acronyms, Miss Kate) is a new game where I post lyrics to a cryptic song and try to decipher what in the holy hell the artist is singing about. You at home can join in with your own guesses. So c’mon, let’s play!
Don’t Go Home With Your Hard-on – Leonard Cohen
I love Leonard Cohen with a great passion. He’s probably the coolest guy ever to have Phil Spector point a gun at him. At the very least, the greatest Buddhist Jew of all time. He’s released several amazing albums (Songs of Leonard Cohen, Songs from a Room, Songs of Love & Death, I’m Your Man) but today’s entry comes from one of his shittier ones, The Death of a Ladies Man, which was produced by the aforementioned Phil “Wall of Sound” Spector. Story is that Spector locked him out of the studio at gunpoint after recording the vocal tracks and finished it on his own from his own coked up vision. That means a lot of great lyrics and melodies drowning in thirty layers of strings, guitars, and that Mexican fish instrument that you scratch with a rod.
The one shining moment from the album is “Don’t Go Home With Your Hard-on” a funky and noisy track that’s scream-sung with the kind of blind animosity that stands in stark contrast to the normally dulcet baritone voice of Mr. Cohen (another example of a Cohen track like this would be “Diamonds in the Mine”). Let’s take a look at the lyrics.
My father was a dresser of hair
My mother was a girl you could call on
When you called she was always there
When you called she was always there
When you called she was always there
When you called she was always there
When you called she was always there
Ah but don’t go home with your hard-on
It will only drive you insane
You can’t shake it (or break it) with your Motown
You can’t melt it down in the rain
You can’t melt it down in the rain
You can’t melt it down in the rain
You can’t melt it down in the rain
I’ve looked behind all of the faces
That smile you down to you knees
And the lips that say, Come on, taste us
And when you try to they make you say Please
When you try to they make you say Please
When you try to they make you say Please
When you try to they make you say Please
When you try to they make you say Please
Ah but don’t go home with your hard-on …
Here come’s your bride with her veil on
Approach her, you wretch, if you dare
Approach her, you ape with your tail on
Once you have her she’ll always be there
Once you have her she’ll always be there
Once you have her she’ll always be there
Once you have her she’ll always be there
Once you have her she’ll always be there
Ah but don’t go home with your hard-on …
So I work in that same beauty salon
I’m chained to the old masquerade
The lipstick, the shadow, the silicone
I follow my father’s trade
I follow my father’s trade
Yes I follow my father’s trade
Yes I follow my father’s trade
Yes I follow my father’s trade
Ah but don’t go home with your hard-on
It will only drive you insane
You can’t shake it (or break it) with your Motown
You can’t melt it down in the rain
You can’t melt it down in the rain
You can’t melt it down in the rain
You can’t melt it down in the rain
You can’t melt it down in the rain
You can’t melt it down in the rain
You can’t melt it down in the rain
You can’t melt it down in the rain
You can’t melt it down in the rain
The first verse implies that his father was either a barber or gay, and that his mom was either subservient or a prostitute. The second verse reveals a disconnect with his surroundings, and a fundamental distrust of women. Again, if his mother is a prostitute, he’s probably thinking that all these beautiful women have ulterior motives. The third verse suggests more distrust of women, but also possibly the fundamental way that women are subservient? The fourth verse has the narrator giving up and following his father’s footsteps, as fate would have him do.
Now to the chorus, which describes walking home with blue balls. Pretty sure these are metaphorical blue balls. Questions that you ask but never get a satisfactory answer? Never getting closure over his mother’s life choices? You can shake it or break it with, but the rain won’t break it down. Time won’t answer these questions?
Again, I don’t know what the fuck this song is about. Mr. Cohen’s a genius but I’ll be damned if I can find a way to make sense of this. What do you think?