SECTION
by: Justin Clark and Matt Rose
GRAN TURISMO 5
Sony Computer Entertainment of America
PS3
11/24
MSRP: $59.99
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Personally, I’ll believe this shit is actually happening when I’m holding an actual disc in my hands that I’ll refuse to buy. I know for some people this is as big a dance for their PS3 as God of War III was for most of the sane world, but this series is car porn, little else, and there had to have been several interactive/non-interactive forms of entertainment to scratch that itch that I just have trouble believing GT5 will ever live up to after this much of a wait. The story of its myriad delays is infinitely more interesting than whatever technical quirk they decided to put into the new Nissan.
SPLATTERHOUSE
Namco-Bandai
360, PS3
11/23
MSRP: $59.99
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Splatterhouse is a subject close to my heart. It was not only my first, but the medium’s first flirtation with digital blood, guts, and gore, with a side order o’ blasphemy to boot. 23 years later, we have this new beast, which promises to be just as bloody, squishy, creepy, and hostile as the ones prior (which are all available as unlockables, I might add). In a year where I just got to tear off the Sun God’s head in slow, excruciating detail to the point where we can see his skin and neckmeats fly apart in 1080p, this game’s got its work cut out for it to keep up with a quarter century of electric entrails, but God of War had me doing it to random Greek chanting and horns. Splatterhouse has shit like this. There is a clear advantage here.
DONKEY KONG COUNTRY RETURNS
Nintendo
Wii
11/21
MSRP: $49.99
FACT: The original Donkey Kong Country was ass. Once your eyes got used to the (at the time) mindblowing CG animation, you had a maddeningly standard platformer that got blown the fuck out of the water in terms of quality once Sonic and Knuckles and Earthworm Jim hit. The sequels didn’t fare much better, especially 64, which almost single-handedly bred my contempt to collect-a-thons in gaming (and probably the reason Sony’s platformers give me very little joy).
So, the fact that I’m thoroughly convinced Retro Studios may have crafted a platforming classic out of a franchise that I hate better not be lost on anyone. There’s been nothing but glowing impressions from anyone who spends more than 30 seconds in this game’s presence. I must admit, this has been a pretty awesome month to own that little white doorstop that could.
MAJIN AND THE FORSAKEN KINGDOM
Namco-Bandai
360, PS3
11/23
MSRP: $39.99
This is one of those games I’m 100 percent sure is gonna get just buried under the weight of the holiday glut. Just when this thing will threaten to peek out from the holiday glut, The Last Guardian will likely be out, which is basically a better version of this same concept all around, especially since its protagonist is a fully realized animal figure, and the big galoot in this one wouldn’t seem out of place should the words “And I will name him George…” creep past his lips. Still, it’s already budget priced, and the demo gave the impression of a derivative, but still enjoyable little platformer. If you don’t own a Wii this week, that is.
OOOHHHH: ON THE DLC TIP
PAC MAN CHAMPIONSHIP EDITION DX
Namco-Bandai
XBox Live Arcade, Playstation Network
11/24
$9.99/800 MS pts
There have been plenty of choice pick-up-n-play downloadable puzzlers on XBL and PSN in recent years, but aside from Geometry Wars 2, none worthy of the exhalted title of Digital Crack. If a new version of Pac Man with bigger mazes, 9 new modes, leaderboards, slick-as-hell HD graphics, and 20 times the number of ghosts onscreen at once, to the point where it is literally possible to rack up a chain of 100 ghosts to eat in a row isn’t worthy of that title for you, you should really consider taking up actual crack.
CRAZY TAXI
Sega
XBox Live Arcade, Playstation Network
11/23
$9.99/800 MS pts
So, Crazy Taxi‘s back, and while I’m glad this thing gets a proper makeover for the HD era, and Leaderboards and Achievements are in, and the game’s still a heap of fun after all these years (and yes, I still entirely associate The Offspring with this game), and all that jazz, this also reminds me of how much of a pisser it is Crazy Taxi 3 isn’t backward compatible.
But let’s cut the bullshit. Jet Grind Radio HD. This *is* next, right Sega? RIGHT??
ROCK BAND TUESDAY
John Lennon – Imagine ($14.99/1200 MS pts)
- Crippled Inside
- Jealous Guy
- It’s So Hard
- I Don’t Wanna Be A Soldier Mama
- Gimme Some Truth
- Oh My Love
- How Do You Sleep? X
- How?
- Oh Yoko!
$1.99/160 MS pts per track
X-Pro Guitar and Pro Bass expansion available for 99 cents/80 MS pts
For some, the one true reason to snatch this album up came on disc. These people are called bastards. This album allowed John to be as groovy as he wanted, and this is going to make for some truly fun times for guitar and keyboard players.
By the way, I can now definitively say if you own any of these games, and didn’t buy Beatles Rock Band, you’re kind of an asshole.