THE LIST OF DUMB #70

What

follows
is a scattershot bit of random thoughts, links, and images that

showcase
the lunacy that exists in the entertainment world and beyond.

Folks
who remember my old missives from the old Steady Leak articles

should
find this kind of stuff familiar. Folks seemed to get a kick out

of
the first installment, and each Wednesday should fall victim to

another
installment. Don’t expect anything deep here but something may

tickle
your fancy.

1. That this is its own category freaks me away.

Where’s the novelization for Jungle Fever?

2. MLK’s sacrifice finally pays off.

“Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. really made a difference.”

“And so many things have been done to represent his contributions. Streets named for him. Holidays. Inspiration to millions. Where do we go from here?”

3. Because who hasn’t fantasized about being assed by a cop?

This is a costume for Halloween, except all the package contains is police clothing. You still have your face and your body. They don’t mention that in the marketing.

4. The sticker packaged with every Toby Keith CD.

I was at this red light suddenly feeling a very strong sense of Scandanavian pride. THANK GOD FOR THIS BUMPER STICKER.

5. Over Kill.

Magazines tend to focus on current events. Each issue updates its readers about the events that have transpired since the last installment. I am starting to wonder if perhaps WWII has run its course and maybe the THOUSANDS of history books, documentaries, and other accounts are sufficient.

At some point it becomes fetishism. Right?

6. “Owning a German car isn’t enough for me!”

I hope this is all a gigantic statement by the owner, who will be found their garage with a hose and carbon monoxide running through as the authorities arrive to the heartfelt beats of ‘Take My Breath Away”.

7. His life started like a hundred days ago for Christ’s sake.

There should be a law in place about the limitations one must meet before having a life story printed. Yes he’s rich and yes Twitter is engorged with his effigy but this young man hasn’t lived in any sense that warrants a book. He needs to fall and scrape bottom. He needs to get some fancy dick disease. He needs to know what life’s haymakers feel like. So far the only hardships I can see of is that his parents are separated and that his hairdryer broke once.

Now, if this means he’ll be leaving us soon forget everything I wrote.

8. So that’s where they keep their young…

Aside from Cioppino (Italian “bird’s nest’ entree) there is no place in the culinary world where eating a nest is a good thing. Microwavable nests take it far beyond driven. It’s just simply not good.

9. HUGE fan of Peter Berg.

If this car was parked next to OFTHE and SPIDERS I could die a happy man.

10. “So, eventually we’re going to have dinoshit on this dinoshit tour?”

Personally I think this is a huge step for toys. Usually playing with toys does nothing to prepare you for real life. What the fuck has having Man-At-Arms smashing Beast Man ever done to prepare you for office gossip? What has Snarf ever done to help you deal with gridlock on a Friday evening? There’s something liberating about a pile of shit in your paw.

11. “Experience the horror of being assaulted by nature the way thousands have died in for only a few bucks!”

“I was having a bad day until I watched my four year old get whipped around a cylinder!”

By
the way:

Message Board Thread.