Shit.  Everybody does it, nobody likes it.  It’s an undeniable part of our lives, and one that we’re always happy to get rid of.  Not to say that it doesn’t have its uses, though.  Stuffed in a bag and lit on fire, it’s an A-1 party prank.  George Clooney once convinced a friend that his cat was sick by taking a shit in its litter box.  We’ve even co-opted the word and the concept into our lexicon to add a bit of *ahem* flavor to the way we speak:

Laudatory: “It’s good shit.”
Boastful: “I’m the shit.”
Derogatory: “You ain’t shit.” or “It’s dogshit.”
Exclamatory: “Aw, shit”
Disbelief: “You gotta be shittin me!” or “Bullshit.”
Accusatory: “Who’s been going through my shit?”

It’s the worst of all bodily excretions.  And in movies, when you see it, you know some shit’s going down (sorry).  There were plenty of choices we could have gone with, but since this is a limited list, we had to cut some shi- stuff out.  So just because they weren’t chosen as one of the top 25, doesn’t mean that the below entries weren’t the you-know-what.

Enjoy:

I.

The Movie: Dogma
The Shitter: The Excremental
The Shat Upon: An unwise group of gangbangers.

Toilets have been known to overflow from time to time.  But never anything like this.  Kevin Smith’s 1999 assault upon the Catholicism came complete with its very own shit demon: the Golgothan.  Kind of too bad that the movie never spawned a line of action figures, because the Golgothan with action fist shit blaster would have been at the top of every kid’s Christmas list.

II.


The Movie: Dumb & Dumber
The Shitter: Harry
The Shat Upon: A broken toilet.

Lloyd wanted Mary.  But it was Harry who ended up on a date with her instead.  No biggie; Lloyd didn’t get mad.  He got even.  One quick shot of a powerful laxative in Harry’s drink and the night was guaranteed to start off with a bang.  Normally shit assaults your nose or your eyes.  This is the rare instance when it assaults your ears.  Because Lloyd did some dirty shit, Harry ended up taking one. 


III.


The Movie: Toxic Avenger 4: Citizen Toxie
The Shitter: Some old bag
The Shat Upon: Herself

In car chases, there’s occasionally some collateral damage.  In this case, it’s an old lady who either should have gotten a boy scout to help her cross the street or used a scooter.  That lapse in judgment cost her a squished head and some squishy underwear.  Well never know the last thing that went through her mind, but we sure as hell know the last thing that went through her ass.


IV.


The Movie: Dreamcatcher
The Shitter: The Shit Weasel
The Shat Upon: Beaver

Yes, technically, this ain’t shit.  But it did come out of Rick’s ass.  And it is called a shit weasel.  It’s the single worst thing to come back up through a toilet thisside of Eugene Tooms.  Beaver found out the hard way that it’s some shit you definitely don’t want to mess with.  Of course, as bad as the shit weasel was, the film was the real stinker.