section by: Justin Clark and SCOTT!
HALO: REACH
Bungie/Microsoft
360
9/14
MSRP: $59.99
I don’t see any reason to bother here. Those of you who are and aren’t buying it already made up your minds, and yes, I stand with the aren’ts. Halo bores me. It’s become increasingly overwrought, humorless, and unsatisfying as a single player experience as time goes on, a dour nature it hasn’t earned since Halo 2 (which, as an overall package, is still the definitive Halo game for me), and even failing to arouse the part of me that gets off on pure spectacle. As a multiplayer experience, it’s well crafted, but cold, generic. That is to say, another goddamned space marine shooter. Reach supposedly does a better job in both those areas than a lot of what’s come before, but the people making that assertion also tend to make positive comparisons to the authentic Jackson Pollack mess that was Halo 3. I’d like to believe, but I’d also like to avoid spending $60 to pretend I get any enjoyment out of teabagging F4gPwn3r97.
PLAYSTATION MOVE
Sony
PS3
9/17
MSRP (Sports Champions Bundle): $99.99
So, the motion control wars are officially kicking off this week. I’m sure your moms are very excited. Actually, wait, she already owns a Wii, doesn’t she? Right, so she doesn’t care, even though the entire launch library’s tailor made for her. So, there’s just you, Mr. and Mrs. Serious Gamer. There’s support for Heavy Rain and RE5 for you guys. Oh, wait, you’ve played those already. So. Um. Here’s a baby squirrel who purrs like a kitten. Enjoy.
PROFESSOR LAYTON AND THE UNWOUND FUTURE
Nintendo
DS
9/12
MSRP: $34.99
Another shining example of Nintendo’s If-It-Ain’t-Broke policy working in practice. It’s one of those games where the creativity well just refuses to run dry, even if the formula hasn’t really been tweaked. This is the latest title, but lest we forget, the first three titles in this series are still missing in action on American soil, and it’s been roughly a year since the last one. Anytime you’re ready, Nintendo, feel free to fill in the gaps until the next one.
LORD OF THE RINGS: ARAGORN’S QUEST
Warner Home Video Games
PS3, Wii, PS2, DS, PSP
9/14
MSRP: $59.99 PS3, $49.99 Wii, $29.99 PS2, DS, PSP
In all but name and art style, this is essentially Lego Lord of the Rings. The idea is fine, and the central backdrop is kind of endearing (Samwise reading Frodo’s book to his kids), but it also means any you will be mocked if you’re excited for this and over the age of 12.
OOOHHHHH: ON THE DLC TIP
SONIC ADVENTURE
Sega
XBox Live Arcade
9/15
800 MS pts
This is more exciting for what it represents than the game itself. Because, in case you forgot how to judge things, 3D Sonic hasn’t exactly worked out well. The part of this game that has Sonic in it is….okay, especially compared to the later 3D titles, but especially if you can still switch Sonic’s hateful voice acting to a nice, incomprehensible Japanese. But there’s 5 other characters you can futz about with, and playing as any of them will make make life seem futile. However, this does represent the first shot in what Sega and Microsoft has promised to be a deluge of Dreamcast titles hitting the Live Arcade in the coming months. Supposedly, Crazy Taxi and Jet Grind Radio are already done deals. If you’re not hiding your nerd boner already, consult your physician.
SPACE INVADERS: INFINITY GENE
Taito/Square Enix
Xbox Live Arcade, Playstation Network
9/14
$9.99/800
Attempts to update the ancient ancestors of modern gaming usually doesn’t go that well (when was the last Pac-Man update that wasn’t a Technicolor shitheap?). But if you’re gonna try to update Space Invaders, splicing it with the best and most innovative parts of Geometry Wars, Ikaruga, Rez, and Every Extend Extra and offering that beautiful creation for $10 is one hell of a place to start.
ROCK BAND TUESDAY
Dio – Holy Diver +
Dio – Stand Up and Shout +
Juliana Hatfield – Nirvana
Morrissey – Irish Blood, English Heart
Silverchair – Straight Lines
The Smiths – This Charming Man +
Underoath – Writing on the Walls
$1.99 per track
+=Available for Lego Rock Band
Another random week, but with a higher percentage of awesome than the last one. Holy Diver and the Smiths/Morrissey tracks should be instant buys. The Silverchair track is basically what Coldplay would sound like if anyone in that band was able to find and make use of their testicles, and I can’t imagine this not being one of those tracks already tailored for the RB3 keyboard. Juliana Hatfield is never a bad thing, though I regret the best line in this song likely getting chopped out just as much as I regret the damage trying to hit that woman’s vocal range is going to do to a lot of people. The Underoath track is great if you’re 14 and don’t know any better.