Well here I am again. Sober this time, which is an odd feeling. Call me old-fashioned, but I feel a man should be properly liquored up before blogging. However, I’m putting my beliefs aside tonight. We’ll see how it goes.
I feel like we haven’t gotten to know each other so well, dear readers. We’ve established that I am a stand-up gentleman, sure, and my profile pic obviously highlights my dedication to proper fashion, but what more can we say about Devin Coombs – the man, the myth, the petty thief?
Yes, sports fans, it’s true. Your beloved blogger has stolen things in his time. Glorious things! My personal favorite is a server’s tray from a local Hilton. It was relatively easy to acquire. All I had to do was attend a banquet with a few friends (including a girl with a really large purse) and go to work. It was a lot like Ocean’s Eleven. Or maybe Twelve, as the plan hinged on my resemblance to Julia Roberts.*
It was a carefully crafted scheme. Most items went into the previously mentioned purse, but the serving tray. That required an extremely well-crafted plan. One so brilliant I don’t know if this blog could contain it’s amazing ingenuity. But I’ll try:
I took the tray and slid it under my jacket. I then walked it outside to my friend’s truck and placed it inside.
Foolproof, I know.
Now you might frown upon stealing, and I understand. I’ve been told it’s a sin, but let me ask you this: Did Jesus and the gang ever celebrate with a jumping high-five? Because we did. If a man must burn for his sins, at least it was an awesome one.
I still have the serving tray. It serves as both a trophy and for any wait-staff related roleplaying that might arise in the heat of the moment.
And with the notion of me having sex dressed as a waiter entrenched in your brain, we end tonight’s blog. Sweet dreams!
*Movie references! There you go, CHUD**
**Footnotes! CHUDtastic!