Adaptation was to be the movie of today. And I totally watched it, I swear. I love the movie, so I had no problem watching it. I then began to ponder what it is I would talk about in relation to the film and its content. As I’m sure we all know, the film is a treasure trove of content in relation to metafiction and the difficulties of the writing process. There is much to be blogged about there.

But instead I’m gonna talk about my fake twin brother.

Much like Dame Charlie Kaufman, I created for myself a twin brother. Granted, whereas Senor Kaufman created his brother for lofty artistic goals, I used mine to avoid talking to military recruiters.

The year was 2006. Or 2005. I dunno. It was one of those years in the middle of a decade, I can tell you that much. ‘Twas a summer day, or maybe winter, I’m not sure. I blame that currently on my continuous consumption of my homemade margaritas (recipe: take one bottle of tequila and one bottle of triple sec and pour into mouth at will. Swish them around your mouth as your pour and VOILA – margarita!)* All I remember was that I wasn’t in school and had access to the home phone.

With many of my friends out of town, one of the only social interactions I received was through telephone calls. So it was that the military got its hooks in me. Day in and day out they called, asking to meet me. Obviously they knew nothing of me or my work as any cursory search would find that I’m hardly military material. But they were persistent. The Navy most of all.

At first I would humor them, telling them of my desire to serve my country and other such nonsense. But it started to get old. Sure, I could simply not answer the phone or maybe even leave the house, but such flights of fancy were beyond my simple mind. No, the next time the Navy called, I had a foolproof plan.

Let me walk you through it:

TELEPHONE: Ring. Ring. I am ringing.
DEVIN: A telephone! I shall answer it!
STEVE NAVYMAN BY WAY OF PHONE: Hello, is this Devin Coombs?
DEVIN?: No. This is his brother…MEVIN.

And then I hung up. But a legend had been born.

From then on Mevin was an all purpose excuse. Something stolen? Mevin probably did it. Family goat slaughtered? Mevin probably did it. Daughter impregnated? Well, Devin will take the credit for that one. Gotta hype the potency.

I began to ponder what Mevin did with his time and where he spent his days. The answers came quickly to “shenanigans” and “New Mexico” respectively. Why New Mexico? I figure that’s where the most evil lies. Except in Alamogordo. Had the most amazing hamburger I’ve ever eaten there.

Anyhow, using Mevin as a scapegoat for my mischief became the norm. At least until the invention of my greatest alias: Chet Westerson, Honors Student, the greatest alter ego known to man or Mevin.

And that’s what I learned watching Adapation! Stay tuned for next time when I watch Observe and Report and talk about the time I got accused of possible school shootery!

*A common theme you will find in this blog is that I am an alcoholic.