-The Oscar telecast, from the opening song forward, contained references to anal rape, drug use, suicide, incest and Whoopi Goldberg soiling her pants. Seeing as the Oscars are fairly populist entertainment, was there no thought that children may be watching? Also, do the Oscars has any semblance of dignity left, or is this just the boring version of the MTV Movie Awards?

-You say “Taylor Lautner, the most famous werewolf in movie history”. I hear “Lon Chaney Jr can eat my ass”.

-Efforts to make the show shorter and more entertaining DID NOT WORK. Speeches still went on forever, and hosts are only funny if you give them something to do. I really hate the “Five Actors Jerking Off The Five Actor” bits. “I worked with ____ on _____, and I knew then that he/she would go on to do great things! Blah blah blah. . .”. Times ten.

-The Hurt Locker clip introduced by the (living) star of Point Break. Whoa.

-The acceptance speech from the Best Documentary Short duo. Hey bitch, no one knows what the hell you’re talking about, and in what fantasy world do you imagine that anyone gives a fuck about your movie? Get off the fucking stage!

-John Calley, Lauren Bacall, Gordon Willis and Roger Corman received Honorary Oscars in a separate ceremony. Um, could I have watched that instead? Nice to see the standing ovation, at least.

-Sandra Bullock forgot to thank White Guilt. Mo’Nique wins for Phat Girlz, but forgets to thank God; He literally storms out.

-I’m very happy that Hurt Locker won for Original Screenplay, and sad that In The Loop lost for Adapted. Glad to see Tarantino and Reitman lose, because their personalities dictate a lifetime of failure karma.

-Mauro Fiore wins Best Cinematography for Avatar. Isn’t that movie a cartoon? What do ya do here? Do you have people skills? Maybe they were giving it to him for Driven.

-Bob Murawski, editor of Army Of Darkness and Drag Me To Hell, wins Best Editor for Hurt Locker. He’s from Detroit, bitch!

-Goddamn, Kathryn Bigelow is hot. Too bad she sounded like a complete mongoloid during her acceptance speech. “Ummm, uniforms? Firefighters?”. It was really cool that the movie won, and seeing the three dudes on stage. I enjoyed Avatar, but Hurt Locker really is incredible.