THUD: SOMEONE TELL THIS LAZY ZOMBIE IT'S CALLED "THE WALKING DEAD"

I think one
of the big problems with the modern zombie trend is that too many
zombie films just put some pale paint and veins on people – a really
rotted zombie like this is so fucking welcome to me. I’m assuming this
is the zombie that The Walking Dead hero Bland McExposition kills when
he first gets out of Our Lady of 28 Days Later Hospital.

As you can tell from that last
sentence, I’m not a fan of the comic book version of The
Walking Dead. In fact I think it might be the
worst written comic I have ever read, and considering what a shat upon
medium comic art is, that’s saying something. Robert Kirkman’s
characters don’t speak like people, they just rattle of exposition and
long declarative statements. Actual dialogue from a randomly chosen page
in the third volume of the Walking Dead comic (I have the first four
volumes on my shelf, couldn’t make it any further):

This is C-Block. From what
you told me A-Block and B-Block are still closed off and probably full
of zombies — hey — you DO get used to saying that — so I can’t show
you any of that shit today. This is it.

A-Block
is where the administrative offices are — and if you’re going to stay
here you’ll want to check that place out. The couches in those offices
are probably much more comfortable than anything here.

But there’s more than enough
cells for all y’all. The best part is that if the electric locks are
out, you can shut these doors without worrying about getting locked in
— but nothing can open these doors without you hearing it.

Literally picked at random. That’s
one panel, three dialogue balloons from one character. The whole series
is made up of nondescript characters delivering scintillating monologues
like that.

But
that’s why I’m psyched for the show! I think that an adaptation of the
series could only improve things, and that the addition of TV writers
and actors will mean the stultifying dialogue will get polished up.