| Film | Weekend | Per Screen | Total | |
| 1 | A Christmas Carol | $31,000,000 | $8,417 | $31,000,000 |
| 2 | Michael Jackson’s This Is It | $14,000,000 (-39.7%) | $4,022 | $57,855,000 |
| 3 | The Men Who Stare at Goats | $13,309,000 | $5,448 | $13,309,000 |
| 4 | The Fourth Kind | $12,521,000 | $4,955 | $12,521,000 |
| 5 | Paranormal Activity | $8,600,000 (-47.5%) | $3,362 | $97,430,000 |
| 6 | The Box | $7,855,000 | $2,981 | $7,855,000 |
| 7 | Couples Retreat | $6,428,000 (-0.5%) | $2,250 | $95,980,000 |
| 8 | Law Abiding Citizen | $6,172,000 (-16.6%) | $2,495 | $60,873,000 |
| 9 | Where the Wild Things Are | $4,225,000 (-28.8%) | $1,533 | $69,268,000 |
| 10 | Astro Boy | $2,588,000 (-25.2%) | $1,349 | $15,073,000 |
This just in: Devin Faraci’s birthday. Celebrate it by finding a copy of Water Power and watching it.
Some – not me, mind you – are going to crow that A Christmas Carol underplayed this weekend. Heck, that’s what Nikki Finke has already done. The question with the film is if it plays steady as a holiday picture. Films like this often don’t follow blockbuster patterns of opening huge and dying, but instead playing up to Christmas. So, where $30 million opening weekend might look like a weak sister, you don’t know how strong it can be, it could be. Then again, the film is kind of terrible. Then again, so was The Grinch. Then again, Then again (jiggity jig. Good morning J.F.).
This is It looked to be an opening weekend phenomenon. But it didn’t collapse like one, so the film will get to something over $80 Million at least. Those are good numbers, even if the film was more expensive than it should have been. But people still love Michael Jackson, so there’s that. I love this. And Michael. love them both. Maybe equally. But I’m not here to judge.
Shit, wait, yeah I am, I’m here to judge.
I underrated The Men Who Stare at Goats. I thought it wouldn’t do as well as it did, but Clooney. This was directed by Grant Heslov,who has been George Clooney’s producing partner for quite some time, and a film like this tells you something about power. Why did this film get made? Because of Clooney’s star power. End of line. The film is supposed to be slightly better than mediocre.
The Fourth Kind is nothing like a phenomenon, while Paranormal Activity is something like a phenomenon. $100 is happening fo’ the latter.
Ingmar Bergman: Dre, what-what?
AD: What?
IB: GIMME WHAT YOU GOT! GIMME WHAT YOU GOT!
AD: The Fuck.
IB: So, Michelangelo Antonioni and shit and I have been hanging out, and that dude is sick. You see Crank 2? His nickname should be Poon Dong.
AD: Why did you watch Crank 2, Ingmar Bergman?
IB: I torrented it.
AD: Seriously?
IB: Yeah.
AD: You just robbed people, and you should know that.
IB: Eat a dick, Dre.
AD: Ugh. Speaking of sexin’, The Box.
IB: I would like to nut in Cameron Diaz’s hair. Just her hair. I would be happy to do so by either standing behind her and skeet-skeet-skeet, or, or having semen in a container and dropping it on her. Either way. Actually, part of me prefers the latter.
AD: You’ve seen There’s Something About Mary.
IB: No.
AD: Cause she gets semen in her hair in that film.
IB: Oh hell yes, fetish porn. Thanks, Dre.
AD: What do you think of the gross?
IB: Terrible, but did Warner Brothers put any love into it? No. So there you go, and if you don’t know, now you know, nigga.
AD: The N word?
IB: I’m dead, bitch! Nat Turner says hello, and putt-putt my nut in your eye.
AD:…
IB: I’ve been to the Warner’s lot, and you can tell what they love where they place their posters. The Box was not in their hot spots.
AD: But every time I close my eyes!
IB: Yes?
AD: LIES LIES
IB: I get to do the comedy here. You’re the Abbot. You’re like the unattractive Dean Martin. If you weren’t so gay, you’d be my straight man.
AD: Really? That’s how you do? Fuck that noise. “I’m Ingmar Bergman, I like to fuck, and say terrible things.” PREDICTABLE. You know I love you, but, Ingmar Bergman, it has its limits.
IB: That’s mean. Wait. “I’m Andre Dellamorte. I’ve seen a lot of movies, I wear glasses and think I’m a professor with my dry, acerbic retard wit, but instead I’m a butt pirate.”
AD: Really? “I’m Ingmar Bergman, I’m afraid of women, so I compensate by pretending I understand them.”
IB: Really?
AD: What else do you call Cries and Whispers?
IB: Something for the spank bank.
AD: The Virgin Spring?
IB: My favorite drink.
AD: God damnit. So, Couples Retreat.
IB: Did you see that drop? less than a percent. One hundred is happening. I tend to think of The Pacifier as the film that broke $100 as any sort of touchstone to audience favorites.
AD: Me too. That was the point where. Shit… Astro Boy is a failure. Where the Wild Things Are falls. Law Abiding not too terrible.
IB: Is that it? Good night gentlemen. Ladies? Good morning. And that’s it.
AD: All the way from Memphis, Tennessee.
IB: and he goes by the name…*
AD: Justin.
(*IB: Dre, I’m sorry I was being rude.
AD: It’s okay.
IB: I just, you give me this forum, and I feel like I should be entertaining, and I know I’m overcompensating with the dirty.
AD: It’s cool, people like it.
IB: Do they?
AD: yeah, don’t worry, Ingmar, people like you acting outrageous.
IB: But, I mean, I don’t want to hurt the legacy of my career.
AD: Dude, you’d have to pull a Polanski for that.
IB: All right. Thanks for calling.
AD: Yeah, say hi to my peeps for me.
IB: Done. Sorry if I gave you a hard time. It’s schtick.
AD: Dude, I get it, we get it, don’t sweat it.
IB: All the time rhyme. LATER *click*)