STUDIO: Lions Gate
MSRP: $16.98
RATED: Not Rated
RUNNING TIME: 73 minutes
• Syllabus
• 4 individual routines/songs, including:
“Love Man”
“Johnny’s Mambo”
“Do You Love Me”

• All the Final Routines together
• Sat. Night Dance Challenge

The Pitch

Now I’m back, to let you know… I can really embarrass myself in the courtesy of my own living room.

The Humans

Dancers. But none as DIRRTY as I had hoped.

Lance and Pierce saw the writing on the wall as they felt this Magical Fantasy… Despite being relegated to the back behind “those 3 catty bitches”, they just knew they were having the time of their Life-style.

The Nutshell

“God wouldn’t have given you maracas if he didn’t want you to shake ’em!” – Penny

Truer words were never spoken, Penny…

“Learn 4 fun routines with music from the movie. No Partner Needed!”

I spoke too soon.

“You see these two leg-warmered ladies drivin’ me crazy? If I didn’t have to teach overweight and lonely middle-aged spinsters how to mambo at home, I’d be ‘Twist’-ing my ‘Pony’ into their ‘Mash Potato’es right now, if you know what I mean.”

The Lowdown

Inspiration? The male instructor went much easier on me than his female counter-part, proving once again that the women in my life (even the television-sized ones) have a knack for making me trip over myself.

Perspiration? Some, but I’m outta shape and live in Florida. Par for the course.

Injuries? Sore back and feet the next day. Sore calves 2 days later. A bruised ego when my giggling wife walked into the room during my solo bump ‘n’ grind.

My Personal (and Quotable)Testimonial? “Patrick Swayze will live on in our hearts, and via The Dirty Dancing Official Dance Workout, he’ll live on in our sweat, oozing from our pores and running down the back of our collective ass-cracks. RIP, Johnny. However, I think I would have preferred the ‘Shirtless Tai Chi by the Lake Then Rip a Guy’s Throat Out Official Roadhouse Workout’ to pay my respects.”

8===> ——-/\

The Package

The DVD allows you to choose 1 of 4 (!) dance routines in 3 (!) different ways: “Learn the Choreography”, “Play w/ Music & Instructions”, or “Play with Music Only”.  In the last 2 choices, an official soundtrack tune is utilized… “Love Man”, “Yes”. “Johnny’s Mambo”, or “Do You Love Me”. Frankly, I’m surprised that more songs weren’t included (the soundtrack’s rather robust IIRC), but the cost of music licensing was probably too high, not all the in-film tunes received their own choreography in ’87, and the memorable yet wildly anachronistic “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” is too demanding of a partner perhaps (or too back-breaking)? As a workout, this disc is extremely repetitive (especially once you’ve learned the routines) and not very strenuous (the women are in high-heels!), but as dance instruction, repetition ala muscle memory is the name of the game.

The “Syllabus” is a beginner tutorial for all the basic steps in the individual routines. “All the Final Routines” simply strings all 4 routines together with the audio setting you select. “Saturday Night Party Edition” mixes it up in a blend and changes the wardobe of workout gurus to something more party-ish (special). I chose to view this DVD on a Tuesday. Clearly I did not make the most of “Saturday Night Party Edition” and blew my wad too early in the week. Wednesday (“Hump-Day”) may have been more appropriate for the Forbidden Dance, but who’s to say? There’s some appropriate trailers for one of the many Anniv Editions of Dirty Dancing and a few Dancing With the Stars workout DVDs.

No other bonuses, except for the semi I was sporting during the female instructor’s “Sexy Time” freestyle. She’s like the wind? More like a stiff breeze. Hooray for mesh shorts!

What’s-Her-Vajajay in the tight shorts wanted me to drag Jerry Orbach outta bed for a little late-night “Fetus Deletus”. I had to stand my ground.

Nobody puts Baby in a dumpster.

5.0 out of 10