Dear Hollywood,
First of all, how have you been? I notice you haven’t gotten back to me on any of the script pitches I’ve sent and that’s OK – I don’t want to pressure you – but seriously, you made a sequel to “Big Mamma’s House” so I should at the VERY LEAST be able to get a phone call…
I digress.
The reason I am writing today is to ask if you could do me a favor and please NOT make a sequel to The Dark Knight.
Look, I loved the Dark Knight. I really did. It was incredible and with the possible exception of Christian Bale’s very sore throat I can’t find a bad thing to say about it. It may be my favorite superhero movie of all time. A Superhero movie that was just a really good movie that happened to be about a Superhero.
And Heath Ledger made Jack Nicholson and by relation, Tim Burton look silly and unimaginative. No small feat.
The problem is that at the end of the Dark Knight, Batman is on the run having taken the heat for Two face’s fall from grace.
A sequel would have to deal with that and watching Gary Oldman pretend to chase Batman while the Dark Knight gets to the bottom of why all the diamonds in the city’s skyscrapers are being stolen, or why the plants in Gotham Park are slowly growing into giant mutants, or why that short guy with the Umbrella is stealing fish . . . you get the point. Kinda hack.
Anything that comes next will pale by comparison and damage the reputation of the solid two flicks that preceded it.
Of course if you make Megan Fox or Angelina Jolie Catwoman I will retract these statements and claim I was forced to write them by an angry Joel Schumacher enthusiast.
Just saying.