Eleven things that really bother me.
1) Advertising.
2) People who write books with titles like ‘Quantum Wellness’ or ‘Harmoic Wealth’. Hmmm… let’s see what Merriam-Webster defines Quantum as on their site:
1 a : quantity, amount b : portion, part c : gross quantity : bulk
2 a : any of the very small increments or parcels into which many forms of energy are subdivided b : any of the small subdivisions of a quantized physical magnitude (as magnetic moment)
Makes no fucking sense, eh? But it sounds new-agey, as if the author is going to let you in on some big secret. Nope. They’re just going to take your money and laugh at you. Bulk Wellness? That’s the only definition that could even be remotely argued to make sense here, and no one would name their book bulk wellness and no publisher would publish it. But give it a nice ring with ‘Quantum’ and sure…
3) People who drive around with the bass in their car ‘bumping‘. Listen carefully, “IT IS NOT 1992, it’s been damn near 20 years since car stereos impressed anybody. No matter how hard you try to ease the seat back and bob your head with one arm rersted atop your steering wheel in a coy, ‘playa’ pose this will not get you laid.
4) Mel Gibson. No matter how good Inglourious Basterds is (and I’m pretty sure it’ll be awesome) it would be even better if the Basterds ended their anti-semite killing spree by killing Mel Gibson.
5) Nike* – do you like those shiny new shoes? Well, some 4 year old in Thailand made 700 pairs of them today for a total of about 4cents. What’s that do to your 38″ vertical?
6) Michael Moore (post 2001). Thanks for debunking the argument for the rest of us Fuckstick.
7) Citizen Soldier ads at the movies. Oh, there’s an extended rant coming up in a future blog about this unholy union between America’s recruitment offices and the lowest common denominators of popular music, but I’m trying to unwind right now (believe it or not).
8) Knick Knacks. “Oh, a little wind-up porpoise with an American flag sticking out of its ass. And what’s this? A money clip that plays Tu Pac when you pick it up? How charming…” save your money and my honesty, buy me a beer or just say good to see you again.
9) Those pants girls wear that stop just below their knees, I believe they’re called Capries. They make a woman’s legs look like goat haunches. Just saying…
10) People who wear shirts from bands like Motley Crue and Cinderella to be ironic. The only irony is that these people think they are being clever when everyone else knows they secretly wish they could still sport a mullet and and pick up girls by playing every rose has its thorn on the acoustic guitar at the party.
11) Southern California residents will relate: People who refer to Long Beach as ‘The LBC‘. Fuck you and the Sublime sticker on your over-sized pick-up truck.
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* Actually I hate all sneaker brands for the same reason. If I could just make something myself I would. Of course I fully realize what a hypocrite I sound like by saying this, as pretty much everything we wear in Western Culture suffers the same devious origin. But I’m not about to walk around naked and blind the good people of San Pedro with my pasty Irish arse so I pick my battles. I don’t wear any of the top brands – it’s World Industries, jump boots or vintage footwear from Sears or the likes. Nike gets to be the figurehead in my hate footwear hatelist simply because of their politics, first introduced into popular culture by Michael Moore when he exposed then company president Phil Knight for the scum he is.