What
follows is a scattershot bit of random thoughts, links, and images that
showcase the lunacy that exists in the entertainment world and beyond.
Folks who remember my old missives from the old Steady Leak articles
should find this kind of stuff familiar. Folks seemed to get a kick out
of the first installment, and each Wednesday should fall victim to
another installment. Don’t expect anything deep here but something may
tickle your fancy.
1. Single Middle-Aged Twilight Fan Seeks Assassin’s Bullet.
Please be a hat for the Robert Benton movie… Please be a hat for the Robert Benton movie… Please…
2. “Fly me to the moon…”
Photo by Brian Sullivan.
Thank God. I misread it as ‘Obit of Uranus’, and my suit’s still in the cleaners from Pluto’s funeral.
3. Clean as a meatWhistle!
Photo by Brian Sullivan.
This will actually come in handy. Well it’ll be helpful in the shower when I come on handy.
4. Earth is officially ready for Manute Bol’s funeral.
Photo by Jeremy Kinney.
“We won the lottery Danny! Let’s buy out all the Tupperware on Earth and a car to hold ’em! If there’s anything left over, it’s Mrs. Winners’ on me!”
5. I was involved in a Hitler and run accident.
Photo by John Makarewicz.
FOR SALE: Rally Car. Like New. 3,000 miles. Bo’s sound system. White Power Steering. Perfect for a Master Race car driver.
6. How did the Chicken Pot cross the road?
Photo by Justin Waddell.
I hate fans of Chinese architects who can’t spell. Or vote.
7. Something tells me Obama didn’t approve this vehicle.
Photo by Marc Pilvisnky.
A souped-up Hummer promoting an Obama energy drink? With a FUSER1 plate? Is it too late to vote for Criss Angel?
8. James Caanvoy.
Photo by Matt Goldberg.
“Breaker Breaker I Know It Was You Fredo Good Buddy!”
9. “We were enslaved and then obliterated but it sure was pretty!”
Photo by Nick Nunziata.
I am of the belief that the aliens from Zeta Reticula have evolved past parachute technology. It’s just a hunch. Might be why can ill afford another Klendathu.
10. Tara Reid drives an Audi.
Photo by Nick Nunziata.
So does Sir Ian McKellan.
11. DO NOT CLICK THE ‘CREATE INTRUDER BEHIND YOU’ BANNER AD.
Photo by Renn Brown.
I’d have a lot more respect for child molesters if they had the ability to manipulate light and shadow and go from chat room to bedroom in 4.5 seconds.
12. “It’s segre-GREAT!”
Photo by Renn Brown.
“Dis sho’ am good”.
Are you seriousing me?
Whomever is responsible for this product needs to be tunneled into by avant garde cybernetic shrews.
13. We’ll Savior Eyes From Damage!
Photo by Renn Brown.
“Hi, this is Robert. I can’t come to the phone right now because I am fitting Jesus for bifocals.”
14. Act now before they’re Octagon!
Photo by Renn Brown.
I’ve heard from many sources that the real-life Chuck Norris is a total asshole and an egomaniac. How can you be Chuck Norris and have an ego? Better yet, how can you be Chuck Norris on not constantly be thanking denim profusely for all the career advice it has provided?
15. THE product for anyone who wants their fingers removed symmetrically.
Photo by Renn Brown.
The inspiration for the film Edward Squarehands.
16. “In that case I hope you’re a Rebel until 3 o’clock tomorrow afternoon.”
Photo by Renn Brown.
It’s surprising that people have a bad opinion of the South.
17. This thief gets a 3/4th of five finger discounts.
Photo by Renn Brown.
“I learned sew!”
“I build glove! For sales!”
“I fashion king! Glove is done!”
18. This car’s a Schick magnet.
Photo by Rowan Sharp.
Not quite as fast as the Ford Mustanche, but considerably classier than the Chevy Corgillette.
19. “Beowulf, aim for the Grang! It’s opening!”
Photo by Todd Ashbaugh.
The fellow working in proofreading at the local Kinko’s isn’t a snotty white kid with no education. The guy working in proofreading at the local Kinko’s is a chunk of eyebrow in a jar. How do you fuck a sign THIS up? When the least of your problems is that you forgot the order of lunch and breakfast, you are smack in the middle of Pisstown.
By the way:
“I think my goldfish drowned.”