THE LIST OF DUMB #47

What

follows is a scattershot bit of random thoughts, links, and images that

showcase the lunacy that exists in the entertainment world and beyond.

Folks who remember my old missives from the old Steady Leak articles

should find this kind of stuff familiar. Folks seemed to get a kick out

of the first installment, and each Wednesday should fall victim to

another installment. Don’t expect anything deep here but something may

tickle your fancy.

1. There will be a reckuning…

At least they’re not stereotyping themselves and other Texans as simple-minded, grammatically challenged individuals. That said…

2. Driver died. Could not see out back windshield. News at never o’clock.

Should someone who wears their college sports fandom on their sleeves (and license plate, and rear door, and windshield, and…) really try to make a political statement? I mean, they’ve already illustrated that they have dangerous devotion to a team that doesn’t know they exist, should they really start comparing our country to the Soviet Union just as someone enters office who hasn’t bent our citizens over a rape barrel? It’s people like this who help shape my understanding of why people abroad think we’re kind of a bunch of assholes over here.

3. Putting to bed the myth about Burger King and illiteracy going hand in hand.

This may be one of my favorite LOD submissions of all time. It says so damned much about the state of this nation and its burgeoning idiocy that anything I type here simply detracts from it.

4. He’s such a clever store owner.

This guy must think he’s a bad ass. Master of the half-entendre. Like the guy always asking for high-fives on Scrubs or someone who’s adding “that’s what she said” suffix to… well most anything. In reality, he’s just another one of us humans who will have to find new sources of income in the near future because faux-clever or not… nut stores are dumb WITHOUT a recession. I know a good nut store myself. It’s called THE WOODS.

5. DICKBUMP must’ve been taken.

The owner of this car has no idea how much he/she did to promote the McCain/Palin agenda.

6. Because You Won’t Know You Needed To Until It’s Too Late.

This is a specific demographic in the art world, one which has been shoved to the periphery by less deserving things like human and animal portraits, landscapes, sculptures, and everything else in the Louvre. How many Hell Beasts are on display in Paris? NONE. The Guggenheim? ZIP. Our own High Museum here in Atlanta? NILCH. You want to talk about segregation? Favoritism? Illogical prejudice? Look no further than Exhibit A: HELL BEAST.

Now, learn to draw this snubbed genius item.

7. Not as delicious as Night Terrors and Whip Slashes.

Seriously, what the fuck is happening to me?

8. Didn’t he play Mel on Alice?

Sheriff thinks he’s above the law. The law of GRAMMAR. What the fuck is a Stayback? Is it a lesser known Tattooine beast of burden? If so, it’s apparently boring, white, and wasting most of its time watching our every move.

9. “Me and Wheeljack have a deposit to make.”

This is the same asshole that jogs with his car on nature trails.

10. Rejoice in Hiss name.

Is this supposed to scare me? Fuck off! Girls can see and touch my snake. Beat that, God!

Not literally.

11. Montreal just bit my forehead!

Photo by Kevin Long.

There’s a joke here somewhere.

12. Warden off prospective suitors.

There’s no reality in which this license plate isn’t fucked.

13. Lesson One: Try eyes!

“Welcome to Art School!”

“What about the lithe human form gracefully bent over a rock as the midnight sun burns above?”

“Today is your lucky day, as I have recently published my latest head drawing book.”

14. “Dude, I worked the steadycam on Archie’s birthday party video!”

Some call Phil’s attempts at cinema-quality camerawork ineffective and overdone, but once he finishes his Mack Truck/Steadicam/Tractor Trailer rig for this 11oz consumer video camera he’ll be the one laughing.

By the way:

“No one is punishing Sister for breaking her water!”

Message Board Thread.