jabba hutt

Representatives of the Star Wars EU fandom.

I’m no spoilerphobe. I’ve written about spoilers and how I think our overly cautious nature about knowing anything about a story has tainted a lot of what I love about film conversation and appreciation. But, even though I feel that way, I would never deliberately go out of my way to try and ruin someone else’s experience of a film. Looks like there are some people who have the audacity to call themselves fans of Star Wars are looking to do just that.

The Guardian reports that members of a group called *sigh* The Alliance to Preserve the Expanded Universe have threatened to go on a *mega sigh* “spoiler jihadi” by posting crucial plot points about Star Wars: The Force Awakens on social media and other highly visible online platforms. Why? Because back when Disney acquired the rights to the Lucasfilm library, they decided to take the Expanded Universe stories and declare that they were not canon (there’s an even bigger discussion to be had on the validity of canons in this day and age, but that’s for another time). This upset a bunch of dorks who demanded that the EU (I like to pronounce it, “Ew.”) stories be filmed. Now, they are reacting like a bunch of nerf-herders who deserve to be frozen in carbonite. They want to dominate the franchise like a bunch of Hutts turning this universe into their own objectified sex slaves.

I’ll admit to reading some of the EU stuff back when I still thought Goosebumps were the greatest literary revolution of all time, but upon revisiting them around a year ago, I found the majority of the stories and characters to be pretty dumb. I’m sure there are sparks of creativity here and there, but nothing that deserves this kind of mean-spirited devotion. Come talk to me when you have almost seventy-five years of your favorite character’s world wiped away (Batman, and all of the DC universe). I learned to live with it and so can these turdblossoms.

This week is going to be a tough one on the Internet. I’m taking a hiatus from my Twitter feed and Reddit. Now it looks like a few ass-clowns are going to make that a necessity. And though we are very lenient with our comments sections here at CHUD, if you go out of your way to spoil this movie, we have our Disqus mods armed and ready at the ban cannons. Don’t be an EU loser. Let’s all take this time to ignore the awful existences we’re trapped in, the horrible atrocities being committed around the world, and the threat of a Trump presidency to enjoy this new film in the way we all want to enjoy it.

If you like how stupid I am, you can follow me on Twitter or listen to my podcast.