In the many years I’ve been doing this job I’ve learned that sometimes the movies that you dismiss have a way of coming back and biting you on the ass with actual quality. Sometimes it turns out that dumb concept from the director you’re not sure about is actually a great film. Sometimes.
I wager this is not one of those times. It’s an action comedy starring Ashton Kutcher as an ex-hitman who is being pursued by five other hitmen. It’s directed by Robert Luketic, whose career highlight is 21, and whose filmography includes Monster In Law and Win a Date With Tad Hamilton!. This is a match made in the very bowels of a studio accountant’s office.
The film is called Five Killers, which sounds like a good Hong Kong action movie, actually. I don’t think this is a remake of anything, but the concept of a hitman being pursued by hitmen is so hoary and obvious that you don’t have to get the remake rights to any movie previously using that concept.
To be honest, I am sort of intrigued by the film. Who thought that Kutcher as a hitman made a lick of sense? Yeah, John Cusack didn’t seem the obvious choice for that role either, but at least that dude was familiar with things like acting and didn’t have a whole career predicated on being a likable but dimwitted doofus. This should be one heck of a disaster.