STUDIO: Spike (Paramount)
MSRP: $16.99
RATED: Not Rated
RUNNING TIME: 91 minutes
Some interspersed bonus Manswers

The Pitch

It’s a much less charming version of THE MAN SHOW… “Wouldn’t that be the last 2 seasons of THE MAN SHOW, without Kimmel and Carolla?” you ponder. Alright, what if you mixed a faux-MYTHBUSTERS-lite into this meat-headed concoction as well?

Show me on the doll where the bad man death-touched you…

The Humans

Some field experts, bikini models, man-on-the-street interviewees, and an obnoxious “Monster Truck” announcer.

The Nutshell

Is she a hooker or a cop? How can you defend yourself in a bar fight? How teeny can a bikini get before it’s legally considered nudity?  How can you get drunk faster? What if Funk & Wagnalls (look it up, squirt) was filtered through

Back in my day, the SATs asked questions about trains, traveling from designated locations at certain velocities, and whatnots.

As advertised, this cro-magnon cocktease of a collection is supposed to represent the “coolest, toughest, most bodaciously sexy top 25 list you’d ever hope to see”, but does it deliver? Spike has basically edited together the “best” moments from their first season by frankesteining the mentality of Maxim with the ADD of MTV into a rapid-fire presentation that’s sure to leave you numb by the end, and yet, never manages to push the boundary beyond what they can get away with on television. They (primarily) focus on the “adult languages and situations” warned about in the parental advisory, but it feels like an over-extended warm up show for the real bachelor party (wink wink, nudge nudge)… you never quite make it onto the GIRLS GONE WILD tour bus, if you know what I mean. For those interested in merely the educational angles (the articles, as it were), they do interrupt the alcohol and breast related questions with an occasional scientific inquiry, but most of these bits are the kind of mysteries only pondered during a bong/keg-induced “meeting of the minds” anyway (how long can someone survive in the vacuum of space? etc).

As an MMA fighter crossing over into the adult film industry, it’s not always easy coming up with titles for your XXX debut.

Other television shows (THE MAN SHOW and MYTHBUSTERS, for starters) have explored this type of material with more personality, expertise, and yes, even finesse. I could argue that this DVD represents an irresponsible and misogynistic cornerstone for the inevitable downward-spiral of the testosterone-driven half of society (as prophesied by Mike Judge’s IDIOCRACY), but I wouldn’t want to be accused of talking “like a fag” or that my “shit’s all retarded”. Hey, at least I found out that women are turned on by the smell of pumpkin pie, but really, who isn’t?

Have you seen that disgusting internet fetish video, “2 Coyotes, 1 Acme Catalog”?

The Lowdown

In bite-sized segments, this shouty and racy show may be good for a low-brow laugh or a quick diversion while surfing the channels for sweater-puppets after dark (like JERRY SPRINGER or THE REAL WORLD… ugh). It is very easy for you to access certain Manswers individually in the menu (you’ll have to take a guess to locate the bonus ones, as they aren’t marked), but as a complete 91 minute feature-length package, it’s overkill. If you have no access to the internet, are too young to order a GIRLS GONE WILD vid, and don’t have an older brother (or friends) from which to “borrow” real porn, this may be slightly better than a lingerie catalog when in a pinch. If you’re in a fraternity, this is probably too tame for poker night, but you’re probably too drunk to care, and you may even learn something inadvertently (sperm is an anti-depressant, ladies), so skipping your study sessions to party won’t leave you completely empty-headed.

When offering a proven hangover preventative, my fellow ladies men, always remember: Gallant might suggest “Would you like a shot of prickly pear juice?”, while Goofus would ask “Would you like a shot of MY prickly pear juice?”

The Package

The picture and sound are clear enough for your “Dude, do a shot every time they mention ‘boobs’… now let’s get your bro to the emergency room” drinking game. Special features you ask? Sorry, no unrated clips, no bloopers, and (more surprisingly) no cocktail napkin doodles of erotically-shaped fruit to video comparisons. But there are “bonus” Manswers tacked on to every few regularly scheduled Manswers. And there is a “Play All” feature, allowing the viewer to put down that remote and hold 2 beers while viewing, or one beer and a ping-pong paddle… or hold a box of tissues and well, you know.

WARNING: This video does contain footage of chicks making out (supposedly 14% of women are bi), but contains NO bum-fights, cat-fights, backyard wrestling, or humping dogs.

A: Don’t let her catch you watching MANSWERS.

4.5 out of 10