I take photos of dumb shit. Some of you do too (submit yours HERE). Life’s too short and there’s too many dumb things out there to allow it going unnoticed or people not getting called out for it. This is where I shine a light at fools, loons, hypocrites, and in many instances my own dumb self. If you dig this, please share it on FB and Twitter (links right above this) or participate in our message board thread devoted to it.
1. Magazines they stock devoted to being friendly: ZERO.
I’ve written about this before but it must be brought up again and again. I understand the need to defend oneself. Especially if you’re a person who lives in a dangerous area. Most people who are potential “victims” probably ought to shift their focus elsewhere, though. And look at the images. A woman shielding her kid as she prepares to shoot an intruder/ice cream man. The middle lady apparently forgot to pay the electric bill because her modified shotgun was so expensive and is about the murder the repairman who showed up late to be helpful/dead. The lady on the right just hates Mumford and Sons and is killing the 4th mandolin player.
2. Just don’t eat this at an Evil Dead screening.
I know this is French. Rape means “grated”. Not greated.
3. Legfuck!
Athlete or product of the Shunting, you decide. Misty Copeland is a world class athlete and cute as a button. But that leg… No leg is supposed to do that, not unless it’s a leg that has been Kerrigan’d.
4. So much for my toll free sex line…
All apologies if I just took a photo of the Klan’s Gymboree competitor.
5. Somewhere a dolphin is boarding a bus.
Winter is coming. It doesn’t matter if we accept it or now. It’s on its way to get us no matter what.
6. I prefer public watermelons.
I can share a watermelon this size without impunity. How about you call it a watermelon and I decide how personal the situation gets. I may put it in a butthole, which is very personal. But I may split it with a loved on, and that is the very definition of an impersonal choice.
7. Is this a seek and find?
Now, I know this is a case of a bad education married to a bad management decision married to a bad chocolate shop, but still…
8. You can only shop here once.
What the fuck can this place sell? Or, if it’s a placeholder sign by the mall until a tenant arrives that is a tremendous waste of money. That said, if this is Pinhead’s shop and once you cross the threshold your life becomes a morass of coils, spikes, and wires forget I said anything. It’s the best store ever.
9. Perfect for the Cenobite in your life!
The jeans are a nightmare. The style is a nightmare. The thin legs are a nightmare. It’s like the 80’s fucked the 70’s with the 20’s in the corner jerking off and somehow the leavings took arcane, living shape.
10. Two words that should never appear in the same paragraph, let alone sentence.
Fuck everyone involved with this section on both sides of the aisle.
11. Which is why I no longer shop at Babies ‘r Us.
This sign has to exist. You’re welcome, America.
By the way:
