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STUDIO: Noggin
MSRP: $29.99
RATED: Not rated
RUNNING TIME: 470 minutes
SPECIAL FEATURES: Zilch
The Pitch
It’s Bewitched for a new generation…a new, dumber generation apparently.
The Humans
Melissa Joan Hart, Caroline Rhea, Beth Broderick, Nate Richert, Nick Bakay.
The Nutshell
Teenager Sabrina (Hart) has a secret: she’s a witch (Robyn Lively can sympathize I’m sure). The daughter of a warlock and a mortal, Sabrina lives with her two aunts, Hilda and Zelda (Rhea and Broderick respectively) and their pet cat, Salem (Bakay). Sabrina tries to survuve not only being a teenager, but also being a witch in training. Hilarity doesn’t exactly ensue.
“You know what would really spice up our relationship, Sabrina?”
“What?”
“Piper, Phoebe and Paige…”
The Lowdown
Upon first glance, perhaps I’m being too hard on Sabrina. After all, I’m hardly the target demographic. Rather, the show was made for kids, particularly young girls, whom I’m sure looked to Sabrina as a role model. However, that hardly excuses this show, which was written on such a basic third-grade reading level, that I’m surprised 10-year-old girls weren’t calling the show on its bullshit. The stories basically revolve around Sabrina, who is a teenager learning to secretly use her powers, surviving high school, and getting into everything teenage girls invariably get into. She’s surrounded by hammy aunts and a bad animatronic talking cat. Oy.
“Nope, this spell didn’t help…we’re still annoying…”
At the center of the show of course is Hart, who upholds the fine Hollywood tradition of casting people who are old enough to drink to play teenagers. She’s likeable enough in the role, but when you get to pretty much any of the supporting cast, particularly Broderick and Rhea, and that godforsaken puppet cat, the show just completely derails for me. They’re saddled with the most hamfistedly bad dialogue and giddiness that it’s practically unbearable. Once you hit a double digit age, I can’t imagine you’re very charmed (yes, pun intended).
Season 4 featured Sabrina’s last year in high school, and started off with the episode “No Place Like Home,” where Sabrina turns 18 and gets a surprise visit from her father, who asks her to move to Paris with him. “Jealousy” has Sabrina getting jealous of her boyfriend, Harvey, when he asks other friends to help him write an article for the school newspaper and not her. Sabrina has to end up in the “Jealous Sea” before she realizes that she can be happy for other people’s success without being envious. “Ice Station Sabrina” has Sabrina going on a surprise skiing trip with Harvey and Brad, who doesn’t like Sabrina. Salem goes along to help Sabrina out.
“Yes, I’m aware I make Mr. Floppy look like friggin Einstein…”
Other episodes include “Super Hero,” where Sabrina’s hated nemesis, Principal Kraft (Martin Mull), quits his job and comes to work at Sabrina’s job at a coffee shop. “The Wild Wild Witch” finds Sabrina sent to a Wild West town to become Sheriff to learn the lesson that one must follow rules or chaos ensues. “The Four Faces of Sabrina” has Sabrina splitting into four different versions of herself after she becomes torn by which college to choose. The season finale, “The End of an Era” has Sabrina making Josh and Harvey compete for her affections, but things go bad when harvey discovers she’s a witch. This was also the last episode on ABC before the show moved to the WB for Seasons 5-7.
Listen, I’m sure that Sabrina was a positive show for girls, teaching valuable lessons about life and whatnot. It’s just that it’s practically unwatchable to anyone else. With the bad dialogue, the annoying support cast, the cheesy special effects, it’s just a chore to get through. So I’m glad that kids liked it, as it had a successful seven year run, plus a couple of TV movies, but leave me out of the whole thing, will ya?
“What do you mean you posted naked pictures of me on Witchipedia??!!”
The Package
Episodes look alright, although there’s no choice in language and no subtitles. There’s also zero special features.