DELLAMORTE'S BOX OFFICE WRAP UP – 6/27/08

This just in: Andy Rooney.

Wall-E didn’t break any records, but that doesn’t
matter, these films don’t need $100 Million dollar weekends to pull a
(quote)Rowdy(unquote) Roddy Piper, and I’m pretty sure that Wall-E is all out of
bubble gum. In fact, for better or ill, the film tied 2001’s Monster’s Inc. in its
opening number, which is in a good place for the Pixar studios, but suggests no
records. Inc. finished out at $255, but my guess is that
Wall-E takes it higher, and could be the top
grosser of the summer. The reason for that is because next weekend is a holiday
weekend (which starts Wednesday night for some), and Wall-E
only faces Hancock
as competition. With the five days of
awesome, I think it’s fair to say by July 6, we might see $150 from the lil’
guy.

If I went a little high on Wall-E
(but reasonably so), then I must cop to
thinking that some of the audience who I thought would go to Wall-E
instead spent time with gun-pron. Where they
might be better served by Jackie dressed in cobras, the film opened around the
same number as The Incredible Hulk. Which means that a $120-$150 final total
is about what’s right, unless it becomes a phenomenon among the cro-magnon set.
 Wanted may
yet become a franchise if the DVD (and Blu-Ray) sales are superbadass.
Superbadass.

Get Smart didn’t
eat pavement with its second weekend, instead it took a less than 50% dive,
which is solid for a picture like it. Again, it should also get into that
$120-$150 range, especially if next weekend (the holiday weekend) offers more
cushion for the push-push-push, in that tush-tush-tush. Last night I heard Eddie
Murphy’s Boogie in your Butt. Have you heard this song? It’s awesome, not as
awesome as Sam
Peckinpah’s Batman, but what is?

Kung Fu
Panda should get over $200 Million. That’s a lot
of money. Whereas who would have thought that people were smart enough to avoid
The Love Guru like
the plague? “Dear sir or madam, can I interest you in the plague? It only costs
the price of a ticket.” Seriously, Mike Meyers got hella-clowned here. I’m sure
he’s home crying on his Shrek money. He’s all like “Waa-waa-waa. Look at
me, I did what they loved before! Why don’t they love my 19th variation on the
same shit? What did I do wrong? I thought I was money. You know, money?
Like what Vince Vaughn was talking about in Swingers? I’m
going to go back to Canada and fuck anything I see! That couch? I’m fucking it.
That poster of a 1972 Grateful Dead show in Montreal? I’m fucking it. That case
of Labatte’s Blue? Consider it Fucked. That signed copy of James Joyce’s
Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man? Putting my penis in it till it calls me
pa-pa. That inflatable goat? I’m going to fuck it twice just to be nice. That
awl? Fucked. That DVD for Shekhar Kapur’s version of The Four Feathers (which
is, let’s be honest, not very good)? I’m putting my pee-hole on it and gonna
start rubbing.” And on and on until his minders laugh at Meyers’s ability to
take a joke and run it into the ground, until it becomes resurrected (like a
certain prophet I’m friends with).

The Incredible Hulk is not
as embarrassing as Ang Lee’s Hulk because people don’t hate it. That said, it may
under-perform it. Perhaps the ancillaries will make it kick ass. But all things
considered, I wouldn’t expect a sequel.

Indy
is close to $300. It’s pretty much done, and
will take the hit starting Wednesday on screens. So is The
Happening, which will make its production budget,
which makes it… a… not failure? I’m not sure. Just give me a second.

Just give
me a second.

JUST GIVE ME A SECOND! WHY CAN’T YOU LET ME
THINK? I NEED TO THINK!

Zohan’s gonna
have a hard time limping to $100. How do you fuck Hancock to get that extra $9
Mil? I have no idea