You can lead a horse to water but you can’t be sure that the well hasn’t been all dried up already. Or something. That’s my words of wisdom for Bruce Willis, who has said that he is going to start filming a new Die Hard in the fall. And not just Die Hard 4. No, this is Die Hard 4.0, which threatens us with other films like Die Hard 4.2 or Die Hard ME.
Willis won’t say much about the film other than that the script is being written and that "John McClane has retired as a cop, and that’s all that Fox have allowed me to tell you about it." Well, good thing that we here at CHUD.com have highly placed moles in the Fox studio, so we can present to you some of the concepts that are being kicked around for Die Hard 4.0:
Die Hard in the Mall of America: Retiree John McClane goes to his regular morning mallwalking with the rest of his local senior citizen center – only to find that terrorists have taken over the world’s biggest mall! Can McClane save the Mall without destroying the Dipping Dots stand?
Die Hard in an MRI: After taking a bad fall in the bathroom, where he lay for hours, unable to get up, John McClane gets an MRI – only to find that the MRI machine has been taken over by terrorists!
Die Hard at Bingo – This one pretty much explains itself
Die Hard in Cyberspace – Hey, maybe there’s a reason it’s called 4.0. John McClane gets a newfangled computing machine and somehow finds himself sucked into the world of the Master Control Program – which has been taken over by terrorists! In this one McClane must team up with Jeff Bridges, very unfortunately stuffed into one of those glowing suits.
Die Hard gets Punk’d – John McClane takes his kids to the MTV studios in Times Square, which has been taken over by terrorists – led by Ashton Kutcher!
Finally, our sources say that the filmmakers are really leaning to a very high concept : Die Hard in a Shameful Mockery of What Was a Really Great Couple of Action Films from a Decade Ago.