Well, yesterday was exciting, wasn’t it? A metric ton of new games announced,  some impressive new tech, a few much needed tweaks to how we conduct gamer business on the new systems, and Sony pulling some straight Lannister shit on Microsoft. The stage is set for one of the most exciting E3s in recent memory.

So, Nintendo? What’ve you got?

Pokemon X & Y–New Pokemon type (Fairy). A few existing Pokemon get upgraded to the new type.  Eevee gets a new evolution. There’s some touchscreen mechanic allowing you to interact with the Pokemon using the 3DS camera. Release date October 12th.

Mario Kart 8Now you can drive on ceilings and walls. This doesn’t let any of you off the hook for a next gen F-Zero, you realize. Spring 2014.

Super Mario 3D World–4 player co-op/competitive. The old Super Mario 2 lineup is back, with floaty Peach and Toad. Catsuit Power Up. No, I mean LITERAL catsuits. Mario is dressed like a cat. Mario looks like he’s wearing a ca–never mind. Releases December.

Wii Fit U–Delayed. Sorry. Get a gym membership.

Wii Party U–80(!!) new minigames, all using the WiiU’s gamepad in some special way. Hits this summer

Art Academy–There’s a new one happening, due to popular demand since the MiiVerse is apparently rife with bad fanart.

Wind Waker HDLooks purty. They’re bringing back the Tingle Tuner thing from the original, allowing it to use the WiiU pad. Makes perfect sense. October.

The Wonderful 101–No new info, but it officially hits in September.

X–From the guys who made Xenoblade Chronicles. Open world. Mechs. Ground and sky exploration. 2014.

Bayonetta 2New trailer. Apparently, Bayonetta and Jeanne swapped haircuts. Everything else is as crazygonuts as always. More dual wielding. Now with whips. And yep, still WiiU exclusive.

Donkey Kong: Tropical Freeze–Donkey Kong vs vikings, apparently. Game’s going a little bit more innovate with camera angles, but otherwise, yep, it’s a sequel to Donkey Kong Country Returns, all right. Hits later this year.

Smash Bros. 3DS/WiiU–Like we didn’t know this was coming. No details, but there’s a bit in the gameplay footage showing the characters switching art styles (from Paper Mario to 3D Mario). Interesting. The Villager from Animal Crossing: New Leaf is a character. MEGA MAN IS IN.

So, we got some new Bayonetta 2 footage, Mega Man coming to Smash Bros and….that’s it. Everything else is either more Mario, minigames, or shit we’ve known was happening for 6 months to a year.  After yesterday came jam packed with new, unannounced games for all ages (the rest of the week is going to be spent kicking Microsoft when its down, but I’m going on record Project Spark is probably the most innovative game I’ve seen so far), Nintendo coming armed with this just highlights their failure to catch up with the rest of the industry. Yes, of course new Mario is always going to sell, but we’re beyond the point where Nintendo can use “families as target audience” as an excuse. There is NOTHING NEW coming out of that company. And at a time when most of humanity doesn’t even know the WiiU exists, “Same as it ever was” being that company’s MO looks more and more like insanity.

At least we can still buy used games for it, I guess.

Either way, with the Nintendo Direct, the E3 preamble is officially over. The real game begins after noon. Prepare.
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