So, Microsoft’s conference. Apologies for the wait, folks. Apparently, even when you have an event that thousands of journalists will attend all at once, beefing up Wifi inside the building is not a priority. I got to connect once when I got seated, then got promptly booted off the network, never to return. My phone tried as well, which got connected, but I can’t get to the admin side of CHUD from it, and even the glory of Mobile Hotspot would not activate inside the auditorium. Not to mention that the seats inside the USC Galen Center are NOT big dude friendly, and even at 6’8, 330, I was NOT the biggest human in attendance. Folks who livestream every year in your undies, eating a sandwich? I envy you.
Regardless, I was there. And I reacted. And here’s what we got:
9:35–Aaaand heere we….go.
9:37–Guy next to Snake sounds like Gob Bluth, weirdly.
9:38–Open World Metal Gear. Rockstar is still not sweating.
9:39–Oh, and Snake moves in Fast forward, apparently.
9:39–Real time passage of time. Hmm.
9:40–Its damn pretty. Ill give em that.
9:41–Aw, and he saved David Caruso.
9:41–Revolver Ocelot in the Old West. About time they went there.
9:42–Yes, I’ll emphasize again…this is pretty as fuck.
9:43–MGS5 XBox One. All righty then.
9:44–And starting off with 360 games.
9:45–The 360s getting another redesign. Looks closer to the XBox One. That wont get confusing at all.
9:45–Available Today. Hot damn.
9:46–Two free games a month for Gold members. About god damned time they caught up with Sony here.
9:47–Tanks. Lotsa tanks.
9:48–A World of Tanks, even.
9:50–Max: Curse of Brotherhood. Fun, pretty looking platformer.
9:51–Dark Souls II. March 2014. Gotta love a series that actively hates you.
9:52–All First Party stuff from here. Phil Spencer introducing. classics, new IPs. OK, let’s hear it.
9:53–Floating history in space. It’s kinda creepy, actually.
9:54–Ryse: Son Of Rome.
9:55–Kinda like storming Normandy, but with Roman soldiers. Arrows everywhere, ships arriving. Pretty impressive looking.
9:56–There’s some Mark of Kri shit going on here, attacking multiple targets. I like.
9:57–And now we have a phalanx, at the push of a button. Cool.
9:59–Somewhere, Zack Snyder just came.
10:00–Launch title. Nice.
10:01–OH SHIT KILLER INSTINCT
10:02–And it’s exclusive. Well, they weren’t fucking around when they said they had games.
10:03–Ted Price from Insomniac.
10:04–Sunset Overdrive. Looks kinda like if they made Mirrors Edge in the 90s. The bad 90s. But it’s Insomniac.
10:05–Oh wait, there’s guns. Fun guns. Considering this is how Fuse started out, this could be better than advertised.
10:06–Something something Formula One. Focus on the positive: It’s not NASCAR.
10:07–Forza 5. And a fancy ass car. OK.
10:07–….wait, is the CAR running on XBox One? The one on stage? WHICH ONE, GUY, I CANT TELL
10:08–Drivatar. James Cameron’s long awaited collaboration with Nicholas Winding Refn, coming soon.
10:11–Forza a launch title too. You know, gotta hand it to them, this is looking like a pretty stellar launch library.
10:12–Indie games. “Special collaboration”. Hmm.
10:13–Ah Jesus, Minecraft.
10:14–An XBox One version of Minecraft is kinda like using a nuclear launch computer to figure out how much your tip at Applebee’s should’ve been.
10:14–YOU ARE AT A PRESS CONFERENCE, MAX
10:15–How did I not know how Swedish this dude sounds?
10:16–Quantum Break. “The Ultimate Remedy Experience”. “Survivor of a failed science experiment.” Bring it.
10:16–Remember that bit in Constantine where Satan stops time to snatch the antichrist from Gabriel? Well, that’s playable.
10:17–Yep, that’s still the most exciting game they’ve shown.
10:18–MS Studios Murder Mystery. D4. Looks interesting.
10:19–Project Spark. Talking about sharing a game you create.
10:19–Hes making a game by talking to Kinect.
10:19–And he’s making some tweaks with Smartglass. IT’S NOT JUST FOR WATCHING GAME OF THRONES ANYMORE GUYS.
10:20–“Go get em, Rockman!” Capcom’s lawsuit is being written as we speak.
10:21–One dude changing the landscape, another playing. We got your asymmetrical gameplay right here, Nintendo.
10:22–“Across XBox One and Windows 8” Cross platform play?
10:23–Someone created Geometry Wars in here. And Space Invaders. And Marble Madness.
10:23–Somewhere, the LittleBigPlanet folks *are* sweating.
10:24–More Smartglass stuff. Now with Ryse.
10:25–She just switched in two seconds from Ryse to Killer Instinct. Like, no pause at all. Well, fuck.
10:26–“Just let it happen, it’ll be over soon.” “I don’t like this”. Oh, man, thank Christ for context.
10:27–More sharing functions. Neat. More shit most folks will never use.
10:28–REAL MONEY FOR BUYING SHIT ON XBOX LIVE. AND THE CROWD (RIGHTFULLY) GOES WILD
10:30–Crimson Dragon. From the guys behind Panzer Dragoon. Maybe some sound would be nice?
10:31–The crowd’s making up their own sound effects. It’s hilarious. Game still looks great, though.
10:32–Dead Rising 3. Eh.
10:32–Zombies, zombies, more zombies, hitting zombies with wrenches, zombies on fire, zombies getting hit with sledgehammers, yadayadayada
10:35–PLEASE TELL ME KNIFEWRENCH IS AN OPTION.
10:37–Airstrike called in with Smartglass. OK, I got a kick out of that.
10:38–CD Projekt Red. Witcher 3.
10:39–Witcher 3 is now completely open world.
10:40–This is one of the few titles where Kinect/Smartglass commands would make things infinitely easier.
10:41–EA/DICE. MIRRORS EDGE 2. JUST SAY MIRRORS EDGE 2.
10:42–Nope. Battlefield 4.
10:44–More sound issues. OH NOES, WE NO SEE MODERN WARFARE SHOOTER I HAS A SAD
10:45–And we’re back.
10:46–And yes, again, pretty as fuck.
10:47–Planes sliding into the ocean, carriers sinking. I’ll give it this much: The chaos actually does come off as tense and life-threatening. Haven’t felt that about COD in ages.
10:48–This is apparently Phil Harrison’s favorite.
10:49–Below. Jesus Christ, that avatar is tiny.
10:50–5 new first party studios. They’re seriously not fucking around trying to bulk that up.
10:51–New Halo. XBox One. 2014. Prior to 4, I wouldn’t have given a fuck. Now? Bring it on.
10:55–XBox One. November. $499. Eek.
10:56–One more exclusive. Well, if not Halo, then, what?
10:57–TitanFall. Call of Duty with Mechs. Lotsa Mechs.
11:00–And now, gameplay.
11:02–There’s a lot of games this year doing shit Prince of Persia: Sands of Time was doing back in 2003. Just saying.
11:03–That mech just stopped bullets, Neo-style. NEAT.
11:04–Ejector seat, landed on a new mech, blew its brains out. OK, this looks like it could be fun as hell.
And we’re done. OH HEY, WIFI WORKS OUTSIDE THE AUDITORIUM. HOW ABOUT THAT.