The first casting for GI Joe has been announced and I have to admit
that I don’t fully get it. According to Variety, Sienna Miller has been
cast as ‘the female lead,’ a character they describe as ‘a raven-haired
baroness and sexy femme fatale skilled in espionage.’ A baroness? Or
The Baroness? But how on Earth would the lady villain (and Destro’s
main bitch) be the female lead? Surely that would be Scarlett or even
Lady Jaye (either of whom Sienna Miller could easily play. She’s a
gifted actress, and they’re three and a half inch tall plastic figures).
Of course there’s more about the article that puzzles me – they say
that GIJOE is an acronym for a group operating out of Brussels, despite
Hasbro sending a message to fans three weeks ago frantically saying otherwise. I
don’t know what the fuck is going on here, I’m just sort of tickled
that Sienna Miller is going to be in a toy movie.
If what Variety is saying is true, it could shed some interesting light
on what the script for GI Joe is like. If she’s playing The Baroness,
and if The Baroness is the female lead, that means that Destro (a
Scottish arms dealer, you’ll recall) is the main baddie as has been
reported (wherefore art though Cobra Commander? Or Serpentor?), and
that these guys could be getting some very serious screen time. Or
maybe Variety’s all confoozled and she’s playing Scarlett or Lady Jaye,
like I said. Who knows? And more importantly, who cares? The truth is
that after really enjoying Transformers (I watched it again the other
night) I am giving all Hasbro toy movies a pass until I actually lay
eyes on them.