How did Underworld ever get popular enough to justify a non-direct-to-DVD prequel helmed by Patrick Tatopoulos, the guy who designed the worst-looking Godzilla of all time? And why are great actors like Bill Nighy and Michael Sheen sullying their filmographies with this crap while the franchise’s creator, Len Wiseman, has moved on to Gears of War?
I’m not even going to pretend to know what went down in the last film, Underworld: Ogle My Hot Wife, though I do remember the Comic Con ’05 teaser shamelessly hinting at some hot sapphic action. Now that Rhona Mitra’s taking over as the lead femme, perhaps we’ll get more of the girl-girl stuff – and perhaps I’ll be more inclined to keep up with this highly derivative series. To make things really interesting, they should have Sheen and Nighy get their kit off, too (that’s British slang for "cramming one’s cock into another man’s gaping asshole whilst annotating Tolstoy"). I’m not saying I need to see that (and I’m not saying I don’t), but at least it’d be something original.
According to Variety, the plot for Underworld 3: Rise of the Lycans centers on the rise of the Lycans. The lame Danny McBride (as opposed to the great and magical Danny McBride) is writing the screenplay. If the film is Screen Gems’ big, shitty January ’09 release, I predict that it will cost Sheen the Best Supporting Actor Oscar (for Frost/Nixon).