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It seems like only yesterda – wait, no it doesn’t. It seems like about twelve years ago I attended the first Chicago-area Fangoria convention in about a decade. It was actually way back in April of 2006. And let me tell you, kiddies – it was the right time to do so. Where else was I gonna’ go all moony over Jenna Fischer, y’know?

This particular “Weekend o’ Hos” (as it has been affectionately referred to by me and mine since ‘89) was memorable for many different reasons. I met a few really cool people…got moony over Jenna Fischer (and Michael Rooker – but that’s a tale for another time)…and I saw Poultrygeist for the first time.

The event was billed as a “Test Screening” – which I found comical. I mean, can you imagine Lloyd Kaufman, Michael Herz, and Gabe Friedman sitting in high-backed black leather chairs…around a marble conference table (probably purchased cheap – and as a set – at a post-Ovitz CAA garage sale)…worried about the results?

“We didn’t score high enough in the first three boxes!”

“Lloyd – the cards say we need to make more fun of the gays!”

“America has spoken, Lloyd – we need more shaved lesbians!”

But yeah – “test screening”.

The film screened at the now-deceased Crossroads Theater in Merrillville, Indiana. I grew up there, forty miles outside Chicago – and the Crossroads Plaza remains a font of fond memories…like donning a Don Post “Shape” mask and coveralls and creeping about outside fast food jernts back in junior high…or staging pretend fights in the giant parking lot…or playing “hide and seek” in the various shops (we were hiding – I have no idea what the cops were doing)…getting propositioned by guys whilst shooting pool (again, in junior high – I musta’ been a stone cold fox back then)…doing impromptu improvisational song-and-dance routines in front of the supermarket (and I wonder why I was being hit on by men)…or plotting to steal the vintage Megaforce one-sheet inexplicably hung in the bedroom furniture store…

I’d not roamed those grounds since 1996 – when a bunch of us went to take in a screening of Jackie Chan’s Rumble in the Bronx on its second run. But that is a story for anot – nevermind.

The Crossroads was the perfect venue for Poultrygeist, in that it still had a bit of the ol’ Grindhouse vibe left in it (the last “first run” I saw at the Crossroads was Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare, so it had been awhile since a fresh print of anything had shipped there). It was the kind of theater where the patrons didn’t always come to watch the flick – they showed up because it was closer than a soup kitchen or cheaper than a motel. What was onscreen didn’t matter to them – or to me, if Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare is an indicator.

Poultrygeist was a flick I went into with no expectations – and one so high-concept I got a nosebleed thinking about it. Sure, sure – it’s not like the Horror/Comedy/Musical hasn’t been done before (Rocky Horror, Happiness of the Katakuris, and Sweeney Todd spring immediately to mind, of course) – but Poultrygeist takes “high concept” into rare air. This is a film wherein the displeased spirits of displaced Native Americans possess the deceased chickens at a fast food franchise…who then attack humans…who in turn are possessed by the spirits of both the Indians and the chickens…creating havoc for the poor (and, in many instances, stupid) humans still trapped NotLD-stylee in the restaurant…a film in which the voice of reason is a talking homosexual Hispanic BBQ sandwich…a film in which the only noble character is a Muslim suicide bomber. But really – it’s the story of us all.

I might be laying it on a bit thick, but I’ll be damned if the sentiments espoused by many of the characters (and the filmmakers behind the madness) aren’t things we should all be considering right now. This is a film that takes on institutional hypocrisy at every turn, with Corporate America (or do I spell it “AmeriKKKa”? I never know for sure) set squarely in its sights.

On the eve of the film’s official stateside premiere (after sold out playdates in the U.K. and screenings at Cannes and South Korea’s Puchon International Fantastic Film Festival) I sat down with Troma founder Lloyd Kaufman to “peck” his brain (judging by my use of puns, I stayed too long) in an attempt to deduce just how a Romantic-Musical-Horror-Comedy featuring reanimated foodstuffs happens in the first place. It turns out that the gears of madness began turning when the Fast Food Nation beat a path to Troma’s door.

Kaufman explains, “McDonalds moved in next to Troma – and they screwed up the Troma building. They put a hole in our building to put their sign up…they put their garbage in front of our place – because they didn’t want their garbage near their own building – and then we had these enormous rats running around our basement…”

Attempts at dealing with the company in a civil fashion went unanswered, and Kaufman was stunned to see such an iconic corporation literally shit on everything around it. Wondering aloud how the franchise could be so flagrant in its grotesquerie, some of his employees began telling tales of their time served in the bowels of the Fast Food Devil.

“Gabe Friedman, who edited Citizen Toxie and Terror Firmer – he’s been with us for about 10 years – worked in a fast food place. A chicken place. He’s the guy who inspired the whole movie – the way it’s so realistic…”

“‘Cause Friedman fought off undead chickens…”

“It’s not autobiographical – but what makes Poultrygeist interesting is that it is real in terms of…calling the people taking orders the “Counter Girl” – if a man worked at the counter, he was still the “Counter Girl”…or the people whacking off into the “special sauce”…all, uh – all the things that happened during the workday…uh-oh…”

Lloyd reacts to something over my shoulder, and I turn to spot two sheepish teens – a boy and a girl – being led out of the theater by a thoroughly incensed older woman. She looks like someone just tried to feed her a tshit sandwich.  Poultrygeist has been playing for less than ten minutes.

“I see an elderly lady with a young couple…it’s obvious they want to stay, and she…oh no…”

“Why in the hell did they bring the old lady?”

“They probably don’t drive…”

“They don’t look that young, Lloyd.”

“No – they do look older.”

“We should tell her that we could give the kids a ride back.”

“Yeah – we’ll give ‘em a ride all right…at any rate – we’d read Fast Food Nation, and I interviewed people who worked in fast food…”

And everybody’s got a horror story about that – when you’re a teen looking for a job, you’ve got almost no choice. It’s either fast food or porn – or a sitcom-style combination of the two, as I recall from my own days of high school-aged Meximelt manufacturing. I look back, and it was people on both sides of the counter being thoughtless, ignorant, and unkind. And crazy. And funny. Fast food is a lot like life – only smellier. Friedman scripted a film that zeroes in on the observations of working-class youth, using his own awful truth for seasoning – which made me wonder how much of Kaufman’s own life philosophy colored (tainted?) the project.

“Every film I make is very personal,” the director states in earnest fashion. “Just because Troma films are filled with sex and violence and slapstick doesn’t mean they can’t be personal, you know? Charlie Chaplin’s movies are broad and filled with slapstick – but his movies are extremely personal.

They did have too much sex and violence, perhaps…but…”

The timing on this gag – coupled with Kaufman’s very serious demeanor – makes me laugh harder than I feel like I should have. I imagine The Tramp moving undercrankedly through a frame, stabbing at people with a butcher knife…bending some ingénue over a chair…

Kaufman smiles. “I think Arbie’s immaturity is definitely a reflection of my own personality.

The owner of the theater stops by to tell us that Poultrygeist was savaged in the day’s newspaper. Lloyd’s mood completely sours, and he asks the guy if he’s got a copy of the fish wrapper on the premises.

“This idiot who reviewed the movie in Milwaukee – he’s gotta’ be an idiot if he doesn’t get that this film has some great things going on below the surface – this is a movie that has amazing subtext – and not just the fast food element. There’s the Muslim element…the plight of the Native Americans…a comment on alternative lifestyles…the animal rights message-“

His righteous indignation on the rise, he adds – “Wolfgang Puck saw Poultrygeist – and he now doesn’t want the egg-laying chickens to be cooped up in these horrible torture machines!”

He says stuff like that with such a flatline deadpan that you’re not sure what to think. This causes confusion constantly – a fan-submitted trivia blurb at the IMDB states that Kaufman claimes he wanted to title his film “Good Night and Good Cluck” – until George Clooney pilfered the title. I’m pretty certain that you could chalk that Puck quote up to Lloyd riffing, but considering the nature of his output…you never can be too sure. Maybe Lloyd did slip into the kitchen after dinner at Spago to drop a disc on Wolfie…

“It’s absurd this guy panned the film, when so many really informed critics love Troma – I think a lot of critics who don’t know anything about movies, you know…they see a little bit of Grand Guignol – they don’t even know what that means, Grand Guignol – and they just switch off. But if Harvey Weinstein distributed Poultrygeist…”

Harvey Weinstein should distribute Poultrygeist. If “Splat Pack” guys who’ve obviously been influenced by Troma can populate Dimension’s slate…and the Weinsteins see themselves as champions of raw, edgy fare – why not pick up the Poultrygeist domestic rights at AFM? Whither Lionsgate – those purveyors of low-ball (and, in many instances, no-balls) splatter films? They do direct-to-video acquisitions on all manner of shoddy no-budget creature features – why not try on a really cool no-budget creature feature for size?

Lloyd, for his part, says that he’s been “economically blackballed” – which suggests no small amount of paranoia. But we’re not there yet – we’re still talking about critics…

“Critics are all the same – they just want TV shows. So they’ll beat up on a guy like me and give some…they’ll give a terrible Weinstein horror movie a good review…they’ll give Freddy vs Jason a good review because it comes from a division of Time Warner-”

“Lloyd – I don’t know that anyone gave Freddy vs Jason a good review.”

“Well, this little twerp probably did! Or he gave this crappy movie with Mandy Moore a good review – although I like Mandy Moore…”

“There is nothing wrong with Mandy Moore” I agree.

“No – she’s fantastic. And she picks her projects – Dedication is a good attempt, it’s just a shit movie. It’s not her fault. Her other movies are great.”

“I really liked Saved.”

“Saved is great, American Dreamz is good. She’s terrific. Mandy Moore makes up for all of the other young people who seem to be destroying their careers. And Lindsey Lohan is talented – it’s a shame she just can’t get her act together. Anyway…that’s enough of that…”

“No, no – go for it. Go where you need to – I want you to go home clean tonight.”

“The point is – a lot went into Poultrygeist. Our movies are very sophisticated. (New York Times critic) Stephen Holden said, ‘You’ve got to be smart to get Troma.’”

Get Troma on Page Two.

It’s in that quote that you get a sense of what Kaufman’s feeling. This is a guy looking for his due. A guy who feels he has given a bit of himself for his art…who knows he’s probably never gonna’ get that Lifetime Achievement Oscar…and he just wants a little respect.

Kaufman smiles wistfully. “Fistfights broke out at Cannes when a few French critics there compared me to Marcel Duchamp (Duchamp was a French fixture of the New York Dadaist movement who famously submitted one of his “readymade” works – a toilet entitled “Fountain” – to the 1917 Society of Independent Artists exhibit – an event he chaired).

I laugh. “I think that comparison’s valid…”

“I didn’t say it! It happened at Cannes. But I think there’s some truth to it. We are, to some extent, Dada.”

“Well…Troma confounds convention…pushes boundaries in terms of content…”

“And there’s a certain…the films are self conscious – self referential – which can be seen as ‘Brechtian’ – and I’m a fan of Brecht. I grew up with Brecht…

And this idiot critic here in Milwaukee-”

Here we go again…

“I’ll be he’s never even heard of Brecht! There’s more of an intellect at work in Poultrygeist than this guy’s ever had in his whole life. This guy probably loves the Julia Roberts…

Ehh…what can you do? What can you do…?”

“Lloyd – the audience for this film doesn’t even read the newspaper. I don’t think anyone reads them anymore – I think old women buy newspapers so they can bundle them with yarn and put them in their basements until they turn to pulp and return to the earth. Print is dead.”

Lloyd diminishes now. He’s expelled his demons, perhaps. Or perhaps my observation made sense – in any case, I use the opportunity to turn the discussion to the film once more.

“Poultrygeist paints everyone with the same brush – liberals, conservatives, activists-”

“Good point, Jason – absolutely.”

“The corporate entity cares for nothing and no one. The activism is mostly self-serving. The only truly heroic character is a Muslim suicide bomber.”

“That’s right.”

“It seems like a pretty nihilistic worldview, and so I’m wondering where your own beliefs fall. Whose side are you on?”

Kaufman turns exceedingly serious when it comes to taking swipes at the status quo (and rightly so. I mean, “Pictures of Matchstick Men” my ass). And while it can be argued that his filmography is devoid of any sort of social commentary, it doesn’t take much egging-on (I thought I told ya’ that we won’t stop) to get him to tell you – flat-out – where he stands.

He offers, without a moment’s pause, “It’s not nihilism. I believe in what Shakespeare wrote – ‘To thine own self be true’ – the problem with that is…we’re living in an age of phonies who will say and do anything…

If Nazism comes back – John Kerry, Al Gore, and his big fat wife – they’ll jump on that bandwagon. They’ll go any way the wind blows – and that’s disgusting. And that is one of the messages of Poultrygeist – don’t let the wind blow you. You’ll have people…standing around in Tevas…picketing all of this phony-baloney…

If Al Gore were really an environmentalist, he’d have the guts to say, “Hey folks, stop buying DVDs and CDs – they’re made of oil. Go get your entertainment from the internet.”

“But that might offend his friends in the entertainment industry…which is sorta’ ironic, given his wife’s past flirtation with fascism.”

“Yes – his wife tried to censor entertainment! The other thing Gore could say is, ‘Wanna’ help the environment? Stop eating meat!’ Every time a cow farts, you increase global warming. And that’s not to mention how much they eat, and how much land could be used…if not for grubby cows – you could feed God knows how many starving Ethiopians – or Darfurs or whatever!”

It’s sentiments like those that allow me to legitimately consider Kaufman’s “blacklisting” theory as more than paranoia. His ideas make sense, and they fly in the face of politicians and moguls alike. In what amounts to one sentence, Kaufman calls Al Gore a hypocrite, and demonizes packaged media and factory farming. Why give someone who does that a spot on the roster, you know? He’s gonna’ tear you an exciting new hole – and…more than likely…let some deformed infant puppet monster sex you in it.

Speaking of which-

“You know, I can respect George Bush – at least George Bush stands for something…