Directed by and starring: Thomas Edward Seymour, Mike Aransky, Philip Guerette
Buy it from Amazon here!
Sometimes the best that men can do… is fix their own mistakes.
I knew this was going to be a weird movie. I first heard of it while getting info on new dvds for my DVD Slice column a couple of weeks ago, and just from the description I knew I had to pick it up. It’s a good thing I did.
The Film-
The
College Prophets are a group of hard drinking ruffians. They’re called
the prophets because they go to a college campus where they stand on
milk crates and preach their abstract thoughts on god and other issues.
Tommy (Thomas Edward Seymour), the main character and narrator, works
in the school’s AV department and keeps his job solely because no one
else knows where anything is in the dirty basement that’s his office.
He wears a ripped shirt, priest’s collar, and chains around his neck. Tommy frequents bars
with his boy Rye (Philip Guerette), who wears army fatigues, works at a
military themed chicken joint called Sergeant Poultry’s and is an
undefeated fighter. It’s important to note the fighting, because these
guys do a lot of it. Everything in their world is solved by battling.
These two are constantly brawling with foes with such comic book names
as "Irish" Jonah Joe, Midas, and Third Reich Jones.
College Prophets are a group of hard drinking ruffians. They’re called
the prophets because they go to a college campus where they stand on
milk crates and preach their abstract thoughts on god and other issues.
Tommy (Thomas Edward Seymour), the main character and narrator, works
in the school’s AV department and keeps his job solely because no one
else knows where anything is in the dirty basement that’s his office.
He wears a ripped shirt, priest’s collar, and chains around his neck. Tommy frequents bars
with his boy Rye (Philip Guerette), who wears army fatigues, works at a
military themed chicken joint called Sergeant Poultry’s and is an
undefeated fighter. It’s important to note the fighting, because these
guys do a lot of it. Everything in their world is solved by battling.
These two are constantly brawling with foes with such comic book names
as "Irish" Jonah Joe, Midas, and Third Reich Jones.
Tommy’s
got a girlfriend by the name of Bells (Tina Angelillo) who is the sole
reason he remains sane. These are not stable individuals we’re dealing
with here. When he’s betrayed by Rye (who claims to be in love with
Bells also) Tommy snaps and the two former friends are drawn into
battle by the town’s old well. What’s the name of the well? Why, it’s
The Well That Ate Children, of course. They fight and spill blood in
front of the well – which starts it working again for the first time in
centuries. The beast that had been laying dormant springs back into
action and begins to pump poison into the reservoirs of the town.
got a girlfriend by the name of Bells (Tina Angelillo) who is the sole
reason he remains sane. These are not stable individuals we’re dealing
with here. When he’s betrayed by Rye (who claims to be in love with
Bells also) Tommy snaps and the two former friends are drawn into
battle by the town’s old well. What’s the name of the well? Why, it’s
The Well That Ate Children, of course. They fight and spill blood in
front of the well – which starts it working again for the first time in
centuries. The beast that had been laying dormant springs back into
action and begins to pump poison into the reservoirs of the town.
Everyone
in the town begins to go crazy, and Third Reich Jones becomes evil’s
poster boy byturning blue and constructing a Sauron helmet to stick on
his noggin. The Prophets have to put aside their personal problems and
fight the evil to take back the town. It involves a lot of fighting, a
lot of philosophy, some wacky math, and trees.
in the town begins to go crazy, and Third Reich Jones becomes evil’s
poster boy byturning blue and constructing a Sauron helmet to stick on
his noggin. The Prophets have to put aside their personal problems and
fight the evil to take back the town. It involves a lot of fighting, a
lot of philosophy, some wacky math, and trees.
There’s
no better way to describe this movie than bizarre. You’ll figure this
out right from the beginning when the characters are introduced with
boxing-style intros. At 83 minutes you’d think it would be a quick
watch, but I’m guessing most people won’t make it through the whole
thing. It’s just a weird, weird movie. It appears to be a comedy at
times, but for the most part it’s played so damn straight. There’s a
lot of brutal fights, but also a lot of meditative voice-over. It might
be because of this weird mix of comedy, action and fantasy that makes
it seems so disjointed at times. But fact is that Thomas Edward Seymour
wrote a really solid script here. If you want an idea of what to
expect, check out the trailer.
no better way to describe this movie than bizarre. You’ll figure this
out right from the beginning when the characters are introduced with
boxing-style intros. At 83 minutes you’d think it would be a quick
watch, but I’m guessing most people won’t make it through the whole
thing. It’s just a weird, weird movie. It appears to be a comedy at
times, but for the most part it’s played so damn straight. There’s a
lot of brutal fights, but also a lot of meditative voice-over. It might
be because of this weird mix of comedy, action and fantasy that makes
it seems so disjointed at times. But fact is that Thomas Edward Seymour
wrote a really solid script here. If you want an idea of what to
expect, check out the trailer.
Simply
put, this movie shows a lot of promise for the filmmakers, and is
exactly the kind of low-budget film that gets me excited. Although it’s
by no means a perfect film it feels different and fun, and dammit,
there aren’t enough movies like this going around.
put, this movie shows a lot of promise for the filmmakers, and is
exactly the kind of low-budget film that gets me excited. Although it’s
by no means a perfect film it feels different and fun, and dammit,
there aren’t enough movies like this going around.
The Picture-
This
is a very low budget film, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t look good.
Crisp and clear and better than most of the cheapo flicks you’ll see
out there.
is a very low budget film, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t look good.
Crisp and clear and better than most of the cheapo flicks you’ll see
out there.
The Sound-
Same
here. The sound benefits from an amazing soundtrack, which makes the
fights that much more considerable. The overdone kung fu sound effects
help this also.
here. The sound benefits from an amazing soundtrack, which makes the
fights that much more considerable. The overdone kung fu sound effects
help this also.
The Extras-
Nothing
at all. Lame. This movie deserved some background info. But this dvd
doesn’t even have a main menu! Really no excuse for this treatment.
at all. Lame. This movie deserved some background info. But this dvd
doesn’t even have a main menu! Really no excuse for this treatment.
The Packaging-Couldn’t
tell you cause I rented it. But considering how lackluster the rest of
the dvd is I can’t imagine it’d be anything special.
tell you cause I rented it. But considering how lackluster the rest of
the dvd is I can’t imagine it’d be anything special.
The Lowdown-
Worth
at least a rental. I’d consider this a must-buy if the release weren’t
so shitty. Hopefully someone will repackage this one and give it the
decent features it deserves.
at least a rental. I’d consider this a must-buy if the release weren’t
so shitty. Hopefully someone will repackage this one and give it the
decent features it deserves.
The Movie – 8.0 out of 10 The Disc – 0 out of 10