Very light spoilers ahead.

First off, let me state that my friends and I had a really good time at our 2:00am Drive-In showing of Hell Ride. We will definitely be more frequent patrons of the Atlanta Starlight Drive-In, from now on.

Hell Ride is fun. Dumb as a box of rocks, but fun. I could find all kinds of things to criticize from this movie, but there’s no point. At the end of the day, I must begrudge Larry Bishop writing a movie about himself fondling a ton of naked, attractive women and looking cool, while getting to direct it on Tarantino’s dime.

That being said, the following is my breakdown and proof of why Hell Ride is really only 45 minutes long.

***All of the following figures, save for the total runtime, are entirely estimated (read: pulled straight out of my ass)***

Total Runtime: 83 Minutes

-3 minutes ………. Opening Credits (80 mins)

-10 minutes ………. Shots of Naked Women Cavorting (70 minutes)

-2 minutes …….. Shots of Women That Aren’t Naked But Will Probably Be Naked Later On Cavorting (68 minutes)

-3 minutes ……… Character Name/Afifiliation Title Cards (65 minutes)

-3 minutes ……… Repeated Flashbacks [not including original flashback] (62 minutes)

-3 minutes ………… Sex scene (59 minutes)

-4 minutes …………. Peyote trip [portion with nudity] (55 minutes)

-3 minutes ……….. Peyote trip [portion without nudity] (52 minutes)

-6 minutes ……… Puns [involving sexual innuendo] (46 minutes)

-2 minutes ………. Puns [not involving sexual innuendo] (44 minutes)

-3 minutes ………. End Credits (41 minutes)

+4 minute bonus ……… Awarded for Michael Madsen’s Owl line (45 minutes)

Total Runtime After Deductions: 45 Minutes

Thanks for reading folks!

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BONUS: Renn’s One-Word Movie Review

Good / Bad / Neutral

August 10th, 2008 : : Mondo Cane – Condescending

Past One-Word Movie Reviews
August 8th, 2008 : : Naked Lunch – Neither
July 29th, 2008 : : The Hitcher [1986] – Rutger!
July 8th, 2008 : : Lou Ferrigno’s Hercules – Spacey
July 1st, 2008 : : WALL-E – Tender
June 27th, 2008  : : Addio Zio Tom (Goodbye Uncle Tom) – Evil
June 22nd, 2008 : : You Don’t Mess With The Zohan – Jocular
June 17th, 2008  : : The Happening – Embarrassing
June 14th, 2008  : : Kung-Fu Panda – Thin
June 12th, 2008  : : Run Lola Run – Reckless
June 9th, 2008    : : Day Watch – Upgrade
June 8th, 2008    : : The Amateurs – Endearing

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