I’m so tired. I’m so tired of throwaway 80s pop culture outliving its expiration date by twenty years or more. I’m tired of living in a world where more people associate ‘Masters of the Universe’ with a homo-erotic toy line and its half-hour cartoon advertisement than with Tom Wolfe. I’m even tired of the hate mail that my daring to express a dislike of a terrible cartoon will earn me.
But I battle through the weariness to bring you word that not only is a He-Man and The Masters of the Universe movie once again coming to life, but that it has a writer – Justin Marks, the guy penning SuperMax, the Green Arrow Goes to Prison movie that David Goyer wants to make. Marks is also writing a Voltron movie and a Street Fighter movie… listen, Justin, don’t you have any dignity? Is there a Monchichi or Strawberry Shortcake movie coming from you next? I’m sure you’re a nice guy, and SuperMax does sound quite awesome, and I know a brutha gotta get paid, but your IMDB filmography is starting to look like a yard sale from 1994. It’s OK to write a movie that might have a bearing on your actual life and experiences.
Masters of the Universe, which at one time was supposedly going to be helmed by John Woo, is being produced by Joel Silver. You know what’s fucked up? The previous movie version was infinitely better than the source material. That’s the only Dolph Lundgren movie that’s ever been better than anything, including death by acid. Everybody has to wait for Marks to work through the rest of his Saturday morning inspired line-up before he can begin writing what will surely be a hard hitting and emotional film about half naked deformed men hitting one another.