I have 498 movies in my Netflix Instant queue. I tend to watch one thing for every five that I add, but now my library is close to being full and I have to make room. So, every Monday I’m going to pick a random movie out of my queue and review the shit out of it. But (like Jesus), I’m also thinking of you and your unwieldy queue and all the movies in it you want to watch but no longer have the time to now that you’ve become so awesome and popular. Let me know what has been gathering digital dust in your Netflix Instant library and I’ll watch that, too. One Monday for you and the next for me and so on. Let’s get to it.

What’s the movie? Goon (2011)

What’s it rated? Rated R for being gleefully profane, bone-crunchingly awesome and wearing its heart on its sleeve.

Did people make it? Written by Jay Baruchel and Evan Goldberg. Directed by Michael Dowse. Acted by Seann William Scott, Liev Schreiber, Alison Pill, Jay Baruchel, Marc-Andre Grondin and Kim Coates.

What’s it like in one sentence? If the BFG became a hockey player.

Why did you watch it? I’ve never heard a single negative thing about it.

What’s it about in one paragraph? Seann William Scott plays Doug Glatt, a remarkably nice guy who beats the shit out of a hockey player that threatens his friend during a game. He beats him so thoroughly and impressively that he gets drafted into the world of minor league hockey. Doug is such an amazing fighter that all anyone uses him for is as an enforcer, but as he gets better and starts protecting his teammates on and off the ice, Glatt realizes he might just be more than a pair of fists. Not really though, he isn’t great at hockey, but he punches people so hard they shit hearts.

I tried rocking that stache, but I just looked like a rapist Paul Giamatti.

Play or remove from my queue? If you haven’t seen this, I recommend you watch this at your earliest convenience. This surpassed all the good things I’ve heard about it and landed squarely into the realm of my favorite sports comedies of all time. It feels effortless without being too light, it’s foulmouthed while being thoughtful, it’s romantic without being cheesy and it somehow manages to sidestep 90% of the sports movie cliches while still faithfully following the formula. It worked 100% for me and will no doubt be my “cheer up” movie for years to come.

Seann William Scott has not only never been better, but has found the role of his career in playing Doug Glatt. I always felt like Scott’s Stiffler character became such a one note, torturous caricature, that he might get type cast in the mega-annoying sidekick role for a good, long time (and deservedly so). After enjoying his work in Southland Tales (yeah, I said it), I was looking forward to him stretching his boundaries, but I had no idea he had this kind of work in him. Glatt is one of my favorite film characters I’ve seen in years. He’s sweet, very good-natured and a bit slow on the uptake, but makes up for that with his undying loyalty to his team. When the movie ended, I instantly wanted more of his adventures and I was genuinely sad to say goodbye. If Seann William Scott never makes another movie again, he will be remembered for this wonderful performance in not only the best hockey film since Slap Shot, but a damn fine film all around.

Even the romance, which no time is spent developing, worked for me. It really shouldn’t have worked, but Alison Pill is obscenely adorable and her wide eyed (yet hard edged) charm balanced so good with Scott’s childlike enthusiasm that I was completely charmed. Liev Schreiber is also impressive as Ross Rhea, the legendary hockey enforcer that the fans can’t wait to see fight Doug. Rhea could easily have been written and played as a villainous counterpart to Doug’s simple-minded innocence, but Schreiber brings a world-weary sadness to him that elevates the movie into excellence. When Scott and Schreiber skate towards each other at the climax, ready to throw down, I was on the edge of my seat.

I really don’t have any issues with this movie. I usually have some piece of constructive criticism to bust out, but I was fully charmed and entertained (and then surprisingly moved) by every minute of this wonderful film. This would have easily been on my top ten of 2011 list had I seen it last year.

The nicest character you’ll see in a film all year.

 

Do you have a favorite line? Absolutely! This is, hands down, the most quotable movie I’ve seen this year. When Doug sees his lady crying he asks “Hey what’s wrong? Oh, did you just finish watching Rudy?” Literally, my favorite line of the year. 

Do you have an interesting fun-fact? It’s not fun, but Goon has only made around four million bucks in the US. Tell as many people as you can about this film (if you liked it, of course. If you didn’t, shut your damn mouth).

What does Netflix say I’d like if I like this? Stark Raving Mad (anyone seen this?), Division III: Football’s Finest (absolutely horrible cover), Fubar (been meaning to watch this for a while) Knuckle (kinda wanna do this for the next column) and Southland Tales (I have a love\hate relationship with this one).

What does Jared say I’d like if I like this? Fuck other movies, just watch Goon.

What is Netflix’s best guess for Jared? 4.0

What is Jared’s best guess for Jared? 5.0

Can you link to the movie? Anything for you!

Any last thoughts? Writing this made me love it even more.

Did you watch anything else this week? Dark Knight Rises (flawed but fascinating) and episode 2 of Breaking Bad (flawless).

Any spoilerish thoughts about last week’s film, Charade?  Why did Gary Cooper go to the depths of lies he went to? Any reason other than plot convenience?

Next Week? Your call, beauties.

Poor little guy.