The WVCC is upon us. That means a whole hell of a lot of movie news (you’d think it would mean tonnes of comic news – but who reads those things anymore) – and a significant amount of toy/collectables news, as well.
Toys are kind of a big deal at ComicCon – and you can spend hours standing in line to buy limited edition collectables from your favorite comic book, television (hey Warners – make with the SUPERNATURAL merch already…or do I have to make my own Colt), or film property (so you can turn around and sell them on eBay for twenty times what you paid, subsidizing your entire trip, you jaded asshole).
Additionally, there are those nebulous PVC “toys” that are designed by some “hip” artist (you may have seen designs by the “multifaceted” Frank Kozik – wherein a cute little animal has a CIGARETTE! OH MY – THE EDGY! AND HE’S GOT SOMETHING STUPID WRITTEN ON HIS FOREHEAD! Keep plinking that fucking note, guy), given a single-color paint scheme, produced in a limited edition of five, and slapped with a price tag featuring a dollar amount just shy of what you’d pay for a decent used car. Tiresome. They usually amount to a featureless man or animal created entirely from spheres, so…very bold. And if you pay an extra $300.00, you can get the one with the really rare paint job!
One wonders how hawking that shit is a remotely sustainable business model.
Perhaps it’s not. Which is why Super7 – a company known for producing that sort of thing (though it must be said, the artists they work with definitely have a cute and far more colorful sensibility than some of the other people doing these “designer” toys) – has started a boutique toy label spinoff of…their…boutique toy label called “ReAction” – and one of the projects the company has announced has a pretty sensational bit of history to it.
In 1979, 20th Century Fox – perhaps still feeling fucked by the fact that their legal department let Lucasfilm keep the rights to the most lucrative toy line in the history of plastics – wanted to do a toy line based their big Sci-Fi film that year; the lighthearted spacefaring adventure ALIEN.
Nowadays, we get toys for everything – but back in the day, it was really odd to see toys for a gory R-rated film. That kind of thing didn’t really happen until about 1985 or ’86. Prior to that, it was all TV show and cartoon tie-ins.
Nevertheless, in the hopes that parents would find it adorable that their children were playing with a gigantic toy that looked like a mass of slimy black dicks, Fox commissioned Kenner to craft an EIGHTEEN INCH TALL version of the original xenomorph.
My “Aren’t I An Important Web Journalist” Aside: I owned this toy for about three hours, as a friend of my mother’s took me shopping for my birthday and let me pick out anything I wanted. I chose ALIEN. I was in love with the film, and it was a phantastic thing to finally be able to see the creature in the light. When I got it home, my twat of a mother (it’s okay, she knows) made her friend take it back to the store. I ended up with a Hot Wheels playset, which – unlike the ALIEN toy – won’t pay for my college education now. Thanks Mom – you stupid, stupid whore.
Since the mothers of children everywhere reacted with similar fuckwittedness, the giant Alien didn’t sell very well…which means that plans for the Star Wars-sized/styled 3 3/4 inch toy line based on Alien were cancelled. I did wind up with the board game, and the PocketFlix reel later on, so I didn’t completely lose.
Anyway – there are a few photos of the tooling prototypes floating around the internet – mostly culled from appearances on eBay, and they give us a bit of a hint of what could have been…
Click it and make it bigger!
…or what will be. According to toy site CollectionDX, Sector7 has acquired the prototypes and is planning to execute all five of the figures in the original planned ALIEN line – Ripley, Ash, Dallas…
Click for bigness.
…Kane, Ash, and the Alien.
Note the that the spacesuit is two sizes too small to both accentuate and gingerly caress John Hurt’s firm, Amish, childbearing hips…
Pretty Gotdamned awesome. That’s victory from the (double) jaws of defeat, there. Who knows – if the initial offering does well, we can hope for a Parker and Brett two-pack, and a Lambert (with Jonesy accessory).
And maybe a Ripley in Escape Pod Wardrobe – you know…for kids!
Check out Super7 for more info.
