Back-Talk (Podcast)

[Bobby Bear]

To paraphrase that Star Destroyer gunner, here comes another one!

Episode Nine: (In)convenience
An entire discussion of retail elapses without a single mention of Clerks. Enter the title homage. Chris and Ian do, however, have time to discuss WWE style security guards, a “toy-fight” gone knifey involving an old acquaintance, and Chewbacca’s Bandolier Strap action figure carry case. Chris also evidences (Judd) Nelsonian harshness with a recollection of his no-nonsense policy towards potential shoplifters.

We're still catching up after our down-time during the rehousing of May/June, so this one's been stock-piled for a while. Ed, your new letter was received and responded to in a recording on Monday. I'm trying to get these out as soon as possible, as a thank you to everyone who stuck with us during the aforementioned void; hopefully, that recording will be upon us soon. Thanks again, everyone. Please, keep sending in mail!

[EdHocken]

Is this ep that features you reenacting episodes of Cracker?

[Bobby Bear]

Unfortunately, no. Chris reiterated his hesitance during Monday's recording, while I remain excited by the prospect. I'll try to make it happen.

[EdHocken]

Fantastic, keep up the brow beating. If an irishman is good for anything. It's for laying on the guilt

On an unrelated note, I don't appreciate the tag for this thread

"edhocken the stalker"

[Bobby Bear]

Nor I, Ed! I can assure you it was not my doing.

Cheers. Will do. All joking aside, my guilt credentials are Olympian.

[Bobby Bear]

Dear Lima Oscar Lima,

Where have you gone? As one of the earliest supporters of Back-Talk, your absence in this thread of late has been both readily evident to myself and concerning. Have you fallen out with us? Are you trying to teach us a lesson for our persistent tardiness? I'd love to get your thoughts on our more recent episodes and new site.

Yours sincerely,
Bobby

[EdHocken]

He just posted over in the Media tie-in novel thread *Points in some random direction*, that way.

[Bobby Bear]

Thanks, Ed. You got all private detective wing-man for me without me even having to ask.

[Lima Oscar Lima]

Originally Posted by Bobby Bear

Dear Lima Oscar Lima,

Where have you gone? As one of the earliest supporters of Back-Talk, your absence in this thread of late has been both readily evident to myself and concerning. Have you fallen out with us? Are you trying to teach us a lesson for our persistent tardiness? I'd love to get your thoughts on our more recent episodes and new site.

Yours sincerely,
Bobby

No, friend Bobby...

Personal shit that needed sorting out, but I'm back. And as I told Judas, I'm rested and ready to get back in the fight.

I'm downloading the entire catalogue of episodes to refresh my palate after the long dry spell.

Rest assured, you will be emailed frequently and often from now on.

[Bobby Bear]

Brilliant! Great to have you back, man. I'm looking forward to it.

[Bobby Bear]

Hey, thread! Sorry for the delay with the latest episode. Here it is:

Episode Ten: Hello, Singapore!
The arrival of Low Standards' new site is contextualized and celebrated in customarily verbose fashion. Your hosts' recent Manchester meet-cute is recounted, lending further weight to the question marks already hanging over the pair's relationship. The notion of truth pops up here and there, and Chris and Ian sock it to Geraldo Rivera and Bill O'Reilly, respectively.

That's last week's installment, then. To make up for the 24 hour delay, I'll, hopefully, release this week's episode later on. We seem to have reneged on our "around an hour or so" rubric again; this wasn't pre-meditated. Why not let us know what you think about this or any other aspect of the show by sending in a letter for our increasingly Spartan mailbag? The address is backtalk.lsfhf@yahoo.com.

N.B. for EdHocken: We're still releasing our stock-piled episodes. Consequently, the episode featuring your recent message is a way off yet, as is the proposed Cracker segment. Sorry for the (continued) delays.

Cheers!

[EdHocken]

Don't worry about it. The only thing I'd ask for is that you put the new episodes on itunes. I'm not sure how am I supposed to download them from your site?

[Bobby Bear]

Thanks, man. Unfortunately, I don't believe they can be downloaded directly from the site, at the minute. Current arrangements are just a stop-gap so that people can listen to them from the site itself. The current iTunes down-time is not for the want of our trying, Ed. Chris just filled me in on the latest development during our recording earlier. They've taken down the wrong feed. We're trying to get it rectified, a.s.a.p. Sorry for the inconvenience. As always, we'll try to keep everyone posted.

[Bobby Bear]

Hi, once again!

As promised, here's this week's installment:

Episode Eleven: State of Love and Mistrust
In a move sure to surprise no-one, matters of a romantic nature captivate Chris and Ian. DISCLAIMER: this is not Episode Ten. Any reference suggesting otherwise should be ignored.

As always, the address for any and all mail is backtalk.lsfhf@yahoo.com. It really would be great to hear what some of you folks think. Cheers!

[Bobby Bear]

Here's the first of this week's double-whammy.

Episode Twelve: No Love for You, Syphon Filter
This week, Chris and Ian take Steve Jones, the work of Martin Lawrence, and poor TV censorship to task. What do they praise? Once, Anne Hathaway, Resident Evil 5, and, yes, Megan Fox. Distractions include: Chris’s dog, Billy, Chris’s microwave (name unknown), and miscellaneous white noise (Skynet?)

I'm going to get working on the next one immediately.

[Bobby Bear]

Here's the latter-half of this week's double-dip.

Episode Thirteen: Enter, Khan-Troll
The Back-Talk Mailbag makes a welcome return, allowing Ian to side-step a culinary mishap and compliment Control. Belatedly releasing this Michael Jackson driven entry isn’t a conscious move to reflect well after the fact; it’s an inevitability of the ongoing catch-up. A discussion of French Television’s penchant for the risqué, however, is always timely.

Hope you like 'em both. If you do, don't, or even if you're not quite sure, we'd love to hear about it. You can reach us at backtalk.lsfhf@yahoo.com. Thanks.

[Bobby Bear]

Sorry about the delay. Further behind the scenes business stands in the way of regularity.

[Bobby Bear]

This is taking longer than expected. It's massively disappointing, but necessary. Sorry, once again, for the delay. Please, hold tight.

[EdHocken]

No worries, let me know when you're ready to have me on. Although not this Saturday unless it's early morning. I've got a beach day to go to.

[Bobby Bear]

Great stuff. Thanks, Ed! Will do. I've not forgotten about you. Beach day, huh? That sounds like fun. The way things are going here, if one were to attempt a beach day, it may well result in hypothermia.

[EdHocken]

And yet it's hot as hell here. Thanks climate change. *thumbs up*

[Bobby Bear]

Time for another update: in the interim since my last "sorry, we're still not ready" post, I thought I'd lost Chris, only to find him some time later. Anyway, he's finally been able to get working on shoring up the loose ends from before. We're very excited to get recording again, too. Does anyone else still care?

[Erix]

I certainly do. I never got around to emailing or anything, but I found your podcasts to be pretty interesting and engaging. I look forward to more.

[Bobby Bear]

That's grand. Thanks a million, Erix!

[EdHocken]

Originally Posted by Bobby Bear

Time for another update: in the interim since my last "sorry, we're still not ready" post, I thought I'd lost Chris, only to find him some time later. Anyway, he's finally been able to get working on shoring up the loose ends from before. We're very excited to get recording again, too. Does anyone else still care?

I know I am, but that's because I want to be on the show.

[Bobby Bear]

Originally Posted by EdHocken

I know I am, but that's because I want to be on the show.

Awesome, Ed! Hopefully, I shall (re)reiterate our mutual desire to have you guest to the Gallic one, this evening. I say hopefully because I just tried calling him and his phone's off. This is like seeing behind the curtain, folks!

[EdHocken]

Maybe he's tied down by the mafia.

[Bobby Bear]

Perhaps. I expect he's enchanted a nubile young lady. Better rethink my plans for the evening.

[EdHocken]

Either way, keep lobbying for my case. Early saturday mornings work perfect for me.

[Bobby Bear]

Will do, man. Thanks for your support.

[Bobby Bear]

Hello, once again! It's been an eventful few hours. Ladies (if, indeed, there are any) and gentlemen, we're back! The necessary editing work has been completed, allowing us to finally release our otherwise good-to-go episodes. You could say, life found a way. Here they are:

Episode Fourteen: Different Truths
Ian’s post-mortem of a recent night out leads Chris to proclaim his co-host “gay Spanish Fly.” Ian questions that assessment. Distractions of the week: Chris’s washing machine (which sounds curiously like a cybernetic water tap/blender) and Chris’s phone.

Episode Fifteen: Legitimate Ills
Ian has a change of heart regarding Land of the Dead. Chris doesn’t. A brace of bot comments on Low Standards’ site prompts a mixture of laughter and lamentation. Chris takes on LucasArts. Ian attempts to permanently dissuade Chris from witnessing Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Rampant capitalism menaces the eclectic games fan and the politics of zombie emerge.

Episode Sixteen: You Say Potato, I Say William (-or- Regular Johnny)
In which our heroes take meta a step further. After months of references and recommendations from Ian, Chris gives SModcast a try and promptly calls out Kevin Smith (with whom he shares a fondness for wet-wipes) and Simon Pegg (whose stand-up and recent film appearances displease him.) An unprecedented sexual revelation inspires much debate, taking Chris and Ian beyond ambiguity as well as their increasingly unlikely 1 hour time-frame.

Episode Seventeen: Ultimate Batarang
DISCLAIMER: There is an episode here… a long one; it just takes a while for the lengthy silence preceding it to vacate itself. The gentle white noise, however, makes itself comfortable. As a result, this installment sounds like it was recorded while boarding an aircraft. This time, the rant baton passes to Ian for an extended assessment of Miley Cyrus. Subsequently, Chris pitches another fresh start for the Terminator franchise. Ice cream, acceptable derogatory terms for post-15 year olds, Kate Hudson lechery, Summer movie fast-food, suspect celebrity romance, and Futurama also feature.

It's so good to be back. We're, hopefully, gonna record a new one on Wednesday. Thanks a million to everyone who has supported us and, generally, not been a stranger. It's greatly appreciated. I hope you like 'em.

[Lima Oscar Lima]

We always like them... so relax your crack, Foghorn.

[Bobby Bear]

You're a top man, Lima. Cheers!

[Bobby Bear]

Today, Back-Talk comes of age.

Episode Eighteen: Primed For Insertion
Ian informs Christophe and, by extension, the audience (if, indeed, there is one) about a recent series of sexually suggestive advertisements around Belfast. Andy Parsons gets his feathers thoroughly ruffled by a Christophe/Ian tag-team. Virgin Media, the stupefying of Joey Tribbiani, and 3-D film-making also meet the business end of Chris’s ire. If you thought Back-Talk’s 18th birthday would pass without a barely legal joke, you know nothing of its work.

As always, we'd love to hear from you. If you're feeling generous - or, perhaps, genuinely curious - the increasingly devoid mailbag can be padded via the following address: backtalk.lsfhf@yahoo.com. Thanks!

[Lima Oscar Lima]

I just sent you guys some questions via the mailbag. I am wringing my hands to learn of your answers...

[Bobby Bear]

Oh, class! Thanks, Lima. I've missed the mailbag a great deal. Are they episode specific questions or autonomous? I'll try to resist reading 'em in advance.

[Lima Oscar Lima]

Not episode related, but more of "What If"...

[Bobby Bear]

Not taking an early peek just got considerably harder.

[Lima Oscar Lima]

Well... you got to do what you got to do, brother.

[Bobby Bear]

For the third week in a row, Back-Talk arrives on time!

Episode Nineteen: Schadenfreude Drop-Kick
A variety of fears are discussed and dissected in this, the ultimate in podcast terror! What’s that? Yes, that’s it. I know you’re accustomed to longer descriptions, but, hey, we can be succinct. See?

There's more to come, including a first for Back-Talk (no, it's not a palpable female listenership!) But first, bed.

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Converse with us via the mailbag why don't 'cha?: backtalk.lsfhf@yahoo.com Ta!

[Bobby Bear]

I said there was more and here they are!

Episode Twenty: Women Are Christophe's Big Gigantic Drum Kit
Contains discussions of Freaks and Geeks, Undeclared, prank calling, the perils of traversing Greater Manchester on foot, and – yes – a sexual nature. No sandwiches were made by Chris during the recording of this episode, to Ian’s knowledge.

Episode Twenty One: Melange à Trois
Back-Talk finally gets its first guest in the form of the funny, erudite Joshua Fein. In the show’s first half, notions of love, sex, and singledom dominate. Your hosts, then, discuss some notable political differences on their respective sides of the Atlantic.

That was a long time coming and it was an absolute pleasure to finally pull it off. Thank you, once again, to our splendid guest-host, whom Chris and myself had an absolute blast chatting to. We're finally done trawling through our once huge stockpile and back in the here and now! I hope anyone who indulges us has as much fun listening to them as we did recording them. Cheers!

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Your minds to our minds: backtalk.lsfhf@yahoo.com

[Bobby Bear]

Back-Talk Bulletin: we're now back on iTunes! The interested need only search the Store for "Low Standards for High Fives" and click on the first result (the one that goes up to Episode 21: Melange à Trois) to uncover an abundance of musings available, of course, for free. Everything from Episode Twelve: No Love For You, Syphon Filter onwards is available there. All prior episodes are archived at Low Standards' H.Q. Chris must shoulder all the praise for getting this ship sailing, once more.

[Bobby Bear]

Back-Talk, for the fourth week in a row, returns on schedule. Just to be clear, black is not white, up is not down, and pigs are not airborne. In the meantime...

Episode Twenty Two: This Charade We Play
A new game – tentatively titled “Triple Bounce” – comes yelping into existence, in this most sports-friendly of episodes. Chris illustrates Ian’s long-standing belief that he, in fact, has balls, by way of a birthday recollection. Pro Evolution Soccer, an enigmatic French footballer, and It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia also receive extended back-pats. N.B. Our connectivity difficulties continue to find the worst moments to intrude.

Sorry for not tackling your letter, Lima. It didn't make it into this episode because, quite simply, it had been so long since we last had a letter that I forgot to mention it to Chris whilst recording. I blame Chris's captivating tones. It will, however, give rise to a mailbag next time 'round; the notepad paper adorning my desk shall be put to good use (read: not being subjected to my rough "lyrics.")

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Don't warm the pine, get in the game: bactalk.lsfhf@yahoo.com

[Bobby Bear]

For your aural consideration...



Episode Twenty Three: Menace To Sanitary
Christophe drafts in cheap Irish and Korean labour to further his Pro Evolution Soccer Master League endeavours. The mailbag is 100% busier than usual, leading to a typically unabashed blend of Isla Fisher approval (from Ian) and morbidity. “Reverberative” enters the modern lexicon and concepts of masculinity & misogyny are fleshed out during a Newsnight Review review.

Thank you.

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If you don't ask, you don't get: backtalk.lsfhf@yahoo.com

[Bobby Bear]

Literally, at the eleventh hour...



Episode Twenty Four: Starkillers, Inc.
The definitive Star Wars first-person shooter is conceived, followed by the longest Jedi-oriented “what if?” session in Back-Talk (if not world) history. How would Ian’s hair-trigger approach to combat sit with the Council kingpins? Would Chris be the apple of Yoda’s eye, with his measured, Spockesque demeanour? One thing’s for sure, these cats’ no-nonsense policies on Sith disposal would get results. Christmases past and cougars also feature, amidst Ian’s extended praise for Killzone 2 and Tegan and Sara’s Sainthood.

Cheers!

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Curious? Allow us to enlighten you: backtalk.lsfhf@yahoo.com

[Bobby Bear]

Last week's episode... today!



Episode Twenty Five: The Senate Recognizes the Esteemed Representative of Jewtooine
More Star Wars, girls, and observational chattings (scandal.) There is more to this installment. However, in a shameless ploy to solicit your ears, that’s all this is gonna tell you. We’re crafty like that.

Sorry about the delay. I let work and general anger ruin our recent good run of punctuality. I am shamed.

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Send Back-Talk a letter... it's the latest craze!: backtalk.lsfhf@yahoo.com

[Bobby Bear]

Here ya go...



Episode Twenty Six: Once More Unto The Bench

Christophe goes to France, Germany, and Switzerland for the weekend. He tells Ian all about it. The virtual facsimile Ian created of himself plays for Toulouse, before moving to Valencia. He tells Christophe all about it. A delay best described as brutal interferes with much of the opening section. Chris’s Celtic accent morphing compensates for this. How long do your hosts spend on their one mailbag letter? Plenty. Enjoy!

Ed, your patience has been rewarded; until the official Cracker feature, this has the next best thing. I'll leave it at that. When it happens, you'll know.

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We need mail: bactalk.lsfhf@yahoo.co.uk