The Worst DVDs Ever Made: A Special Edition List

[Anderson]

The Chewer Nation likes to make long-winded lists that can turn even the strongest mind into an Autistic pile of mush. Therefore, I beseech you to make a list for the month of July! I want to see the worst DVDs ever made. List them, provide reasons and do what you will. I know that I can harness your collective mental spark plugs to inspire some modicum of film discussion.

I'll start.

1) Colossus: The Forbin Project

[Gabe Powers]

Does the movie count? Disappointing special edition re-releases? Is non-anamorphic an issue?

I guess the most pissed off I've ever been by a DVD I spent good money on was Tartan UKs PAL release of Argento's Trauma. Awful non-anamorphic video, taken from a NTSC to PAL transfer, flat sound, and no extras.

[Jason Pollock]

I know not of this Forbin Project. The cover is hilarious, though. The title is actually written as:

COLOSSUS
"The Forbin" Project

...which makes you wonder what/who "the Forbin" is.

But I wonder if you chose the movie because it's bad - or because the DVD is bad.

Me - I submit Republic Pictures Home Video release of Highlander. Featuring arbitrary menus more generic than anything Uni slapped together at the dawn of DVD - and a image so intensely compressed that I thought I might have purchased a Sega CD title by mistake, this disc is - without hyperbole - the worst DVD release I've ever seen in my life.

[Jason Pollock]

What the double post?!

[reggie-wanker]

THE ENFORCER - Dragon Dynasty

A reissue (with a few bonus features) of the cut, dubbed-only Dimension version of MY FATHER IS A HERO starring Jet Li... but still cut and still dubbed-only. This is where Dragon Dynasty finally stopped pretending to give a shit, grabbed their nuts with one hand, and flipped off their customer base with the other. The ending of the betrayal that began in earnest with their reissue of the cut Dimension version of SUPERCOP with the Cantonese soundtrack edited down to match their fucked up version of the film. Even the label's most simple-minded, idiotic defenders couldn't justify this new old direction.

[Barkatthemoon]

Kenneth Branagh's Frankenstein:

Fullscreen only, and zero special features.

The Star Wars Trilogy:

A 236 minute, by the numbers documentary is the only selling point of this set. No deleted scenes, no decent behind the scenes footage to speak of. Precious disc space wasted on another stupid game demo. 30 years of archive, and this is the best they could do? Bah.

[EdHocken]

The butchered subtitles of Let The Right One In.

[Rene (Mr.Eko)]

The original unaltered Star Wars trilogy. Non-anamorphic transfers in this day and age? Pffft!

Ricochet would be another. Even though the case is a snapper, the transfer is for shit. It's muddy and dark, and there's zero extras. Really bad treatment for a great action flick.

[Patrick Ripoll]

There are a multitude of classic movies on DVD with no special features, but Badlands goes a step further by being a really poor transfer. Terrence Malick deserves so much better than that.

[Keith F]

The Artisan EXTREME PREJUDICE DVD. Nil special features, and I swear my old, battered VHS copy sports a better picture. Only available in fullscreen.

[Rene (Mr.Eko)]

I'd throw in Johnny Handsome as another Artisan dvd that got a re-release by current holder, Lionsgate, and it's still in full screen with a vhs quality transfer.

Why re-release a movie if no necessary upgrade is going to be done? Damn money grubbing companies.

[Gabe Powers]

I got a better one:

Shreik Show's first release of Fulci's Lizard in a Woman's Skin. It was expensive, and the box art swore up and down that the best they could do concerning the uncut version was a fullframe VHS rip. Within months, I believe, there was an anamorphic, 2.35:1 uncut release with new extras from the same company.

[CDI F. Kelly]

The Director's Cut of LAST OF THE MOHICANS. Explain to me why the theatrical version isn't available in the US?

Oh, and the special edition of VELVET GOLDMINE. Oh wait. THERE ISN'T ONE. Now I've made myself angry.

[Andrew Tom]

Originally Posted by CDI F. Kelly

The Director's Cut of LAST OF THE MOHICANS. Explain to me why the theatrical version isn't available in the US?

Weird, the director's cut isn't available anywhere but the US.

[Rene (Mr.Eko)]

Originally Posted by Gabe Powers

I got a better one:

Shreik Show's first release of Fulci's Lizard in a Woman's Skin. It was expensive, and the box art swore up and down that the best they could do concerning the uncut version was a fullframe VHS rip. Within months, I believe, there was an anamorphic, 2.35:1 uncut release with new extras from the same company.

I remember reading about that over at Dvdtalk. Glad that when I picked up the disc it was the correct one. I'd have been really pissed if I'd picked up the other one.

I've been hearing rumblings that the Four Flies On Grey Velvet release is really an expensive Dvd-R. hope that doesn't turn out to be true. I spent $19.99 plus tax on that thing. If it is, consider it one of the worst dvds. I mean a high class Dvd-R? What the shit?

[darkraven28]

I thought my copy of Last Of The Mohicans I got from the Walmart bargain bin was the theatrical version. Have to look at it again. Honestly couldn't get into the flick though. I love Michael Mann to death when he does Heat, Insider, Collateral, or Manhunter, but Mohicans blows.

Agree with whoever said Ricochet. Love the movie (one of the best movie scores of all time, when Silvestri was in his prime!) and I think it's just got a trailer. Where's the Lithgow and Denzel love? And why didn't they do another movie together?

It'd be nice to see a SE of Less Than Zero, but then maybe Downey Jr. would like to forget his cocaine days because he's OBVIOUSLY HIGH OUT OF HIS MIND for the whole movie. It's like the director pulled him away from the coke lines for an hour and shot the scenes Greengrass style each time. It's like the most autobigraphical thing he's done, with the thankful exception of the part where the character dies at the end. Then again it probably embarasses him hugely and he likely changes the channel if it comes on cable.

Off the top of my head, I can't really think of too many other special editions I'd like to see. However, what I really would like to see on a special edition is an un-edited, un-scripted, and totally mad documentary on what it's like to make a film where everybody hates each other and there is a horrible time had by all and then they come out with a great film in the end. In other words, more DVDs need the Blade Runner and/or Tropic Thunder/Rain Of Madness style of documentaries. Warts and all. Screw the documentaries where it's all filler and everyone loves each other and they all say how great it is to work together and they're doing this movie to change the world and shit. Fuck that. On the Transformers DVD documentary, the sight of people throwing like 50 fake bullhorns at Michael Bay all at once because he has a habit of breaking the real ones while 'slo-moing at sunset' is BRILLIANT and why I love DVD. Things like The Matrix could have used that sort of bluntness in its documentaries. Don't hide Andrew and Laurencia Wachowski from us! Would I like to know more? YES! Would I buy that for a dollar? Bet your ass! Consider that a divorce? Fine BITCH!

Sorry. Gotta show the love for Verhoeven once in a while. And if you don't know where the lines come from, then shame on you!

[Justin Clark]

First time I saw Suspiria, it was on a disc that I swore up and down was a burned CD-R and Netflix just never caught the mistake.

Turns out it was an official release from 2001.

Good God.

[Clarence Boddicker]

William Friedkin's Sorcerer is the first one that comes to my mind. No special features, pan and scan only, and a vhs level transfer.

[Nicholas]

Originally Posted by Justin Clark

First time I saw Suspiria, it was on a disc that I swore up and down was a burned CD-R and Netflix just never caught the mistake.
Turns out it was an official release from 2001.
Good God.

Good call, Justin. I tried to watch this a couple nights ago and it's a piece of shit. I had to turn it off because I didn't want to spoil my first time viewing of it. Usually I just roll with it thinking that if it's a good movie, it'll survive any kind of viewing experience but I know there are better versions out there.

[Gabe Powers]

Really? Suspiria? What's wrong with the 2001 release? I guess I have to check it again, but I remember it looking pretty good...

As for 4 Flies, I haven't watched my official US copy yet, but the unofficial German release I got last year didn't look nearly as bad as my DVDR, which was totally unwatchable (yet anamorphic...)

[reggie-wanker]

The US release of 4 FLIES is legit. The 2001 (Release date: September 11!) SUSPIRIA that Anchor Bay released looks great - it's the remixed audio with no option for the original 4-channel mix that's something of a botch with that disc.

Miramax's upcoming Blu-rays of the bastard versions of DRUNKEN MASTER II (English or French dubbed only, original ending cut, no original music or sound effects) and IRON MONKEY (Cantonese, but heavily cut, no original music or sound effects) are Hall Of Shame material on general principle.

[Rene (Mr.Eko)]

Good to hear that the U.S. release of 4 Flies is legit. I'm glad that my money wasn't spent in vain.

[ryoken]

Pffft, you bastards shouldn't even complain about any dvd release until you've lived in South America and specifically, in Argentina (Get Tati here, ASAP!).
Local dvd releases here used to cut off mot of the extras and features, had un-skip able anti piracy warnings, sometimes even ads for products (and im not talking other dvd releases) and had dvd menus that look like they were made by a dyslexic 8 year old.

[Gabe Powers]

Yep, stuck in Suspiria. You guys are crazy. Totally crazy.

This guy has some great image comps between three of the four ligit release I know of (he doesn't have any examples from the super expensive Japanese disc)

http://whiggles.landofwhimsy.com/wri...-suspiria.html

Still if ever a movie needed a hi-def upgrade it's Suspiria. Who owns it these days? Anchor Bay? Blue Underground? Oh wait, it's the fucking Weinsteins. So much for that wish. Europe, do me proud, I'll pay at least $60 for a decent BR release...


Edit: about that 9/11/01 release date: I actually took the day off of work for the Suspiria release. That was the single most awkward purchase I've ever made.

[reggie-wanker]

The European SUSPIRIA Blu-ray is a mess, apparently.

Originally Posted by ryoken

Pffft, you bastards shouldn't even complain about any dvd release until you've lived in South America and specifically, in Argentina (Get Tati here, ASAP!).

Try being a fan of Hong Kong cinema. If you're really lucky you get the entire film in the right language. See above. Usually we just get a entire studio's library coming up missing.

[Phil]

Originally Posted by ryoken

had un-skip able anti piracy warnings, sometimes even ads for products

These features shouldn't qualify a disc for a "worst" list. Most dvds have un-skippable anti-piracy warnings.

I've been working my way through the old Wiseguy series, and the company that released the series put out four sets. The final set is the first half of season 3; one episode has an inverted field problem, so the entire episode strobes and flickers, from beginning to end. Two episodes have the commentary embedded on the audio, with no option to just watch the show. Then the company folded, never bothering to release the second half of that season.

[Troy Nixey]

Originally Posted by EdHocken

The butchered subtitles of Let The Right One In.

High five to that!!!!

[Humanoid]

I've only seen Suspiria on DVD. The picture sucked, but I figured that was the intent.

[PsycheOut00]

Maybe it's just my copy, but how about The Year of Living Dangerously's Region 2?

Not only it looks like it was recorded with a Fisher Price videocamera in front of an old TV broadcasting a pirate TV station on the moon, but its subtitles run like 20-30 secs behind the dialogues. Excruciating!!

[ryoken]

Originally Posted by Phil

These features shouldn't qualify a disc for a "worst" list. Most dvds have un-skippable anti-piracy warnings.

I'll give you that, but having ads for malls or consumer products on the dvd you just paid to own? Thats awful.

[Nexus-7]

Originally Posted by Phil

The final set is the first half of season 3; one episode has an inverted field problem, so the entire episode strobes and flickers, from beginning to end. Two episodes have the commentary embedded on the audio, with no option to just watch the show. Then the company folded, never bothering to release the second half of that season.

This is the kind of stuff that should make a worst-of list, that's for sure.

I'm still pissed about all the (sometimes HIT)movies are still barebones fullscreen releases. I still don't think there's a widescreen DVD of Spies Like Us, for instance.

[MoonBaseNick]

Originally Posted by Jason Pollock

Me - I submit Republic Pictures Home Video release of Highlander. Featuring arbitrary menus more generic than anything Uni slapped together at the dawn of DVD - and a image so intensely compressed that I thought I might have purchased a Sega CD title by mistake, this disc is - without hyperbole - the worst DVD release I've ever seen in my life.

in its defense, that was one of the first DVDs ever released. I have the same disc but buying the special edition a few years later gave me a much better product. On the other hand I still have the Amadeus "flipper"

[Nexus-7]

I've got that Highlander disc Pollack mentions. The early releases of Das Boot and The Deer Hunter aren't too hot either. I like the movies, but I'm not too keen on double-dipping. But yes, they look like garbage.

[DARKMITE8]

I have an edition of DEATH RACE 2000 (before Disney got the rights) that goes back to the main menu at every chapter break. It's clearly an authoring issue, but the transfer blows too.

[James]

I have a 4x3 version of 'Matinee' that was released into R2 land. There's no excuse for that.

[Hammerhead]

I keep my library pretty lean, but the worst title on my shelf is probably Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut. Although it's great to see some of the unreleased footage, the assemblage is cheap and amateurish (indeed, I've seen amateur reconstructions that are far better). And the final product makes no narrative sense as either a sequel or a standalone film.

The making-of goes into almost no detail at all about the production's complex history (if ever I wanted a warts-and-all doc, this would be it), and the commentary by the original director and screenwriter betrays the fact that they had virtually nothing to do with creating the new version. As close to a blatant cash-grab as these things get.

[le Stephanois]

Manhunter director's cut disc.

[johnnycinco]

The Blood of Heroes.

I was warned that the transfer was muddy. I had no idea that it looked like a 20 year old, worn out copy of VHS. Months later it played on HBO (not even HD) and it looked gorgeous. I even did a side by side thanks to my DVR, and the cable net won by a landslide.

Also, no special features. You cannot tell me that David Peeples wouldn't jump at the chance for some sort of involvements in a DVD release of that.

[Rene (Mr.Eko)]

Originally Posted by le Stephanois

Manhunter director's cut disc.

I'm assuming you're talking about the Limited Edition 2 disc set?

The Divimax release has much better picture quality and is the only Manhunter release to have a Mann commentary. It's getting really hard to find, but it's worth it.

[le Stephanois]

Originally Posted by Rene (Mr.Eko)

I'm assuming you're talking about the Limited Edition 2 disc set?

The Divimax release has much better picture quality and is the only Manhunter release to have a Mann commentary. It's getting really hard to find, but it's worth it.

Yeah, the 2nd disc has the director's cut which looks like it was recorded off of tv.

[SAIRUS]

Preditor blu-ray (horrible compression and sound)

[Ratty]

Originally Posted by SAIRUS

Preditor blu-ray (horrible compression and sound)

Not to mention that they spelled the name of the movie wrong!

[SAIRUS]

Oh its the polish version.

[Jason Pollock]

Originally Posted by MoonBaseNick

in its defense, that was one of the first DVDs ever released. I have the same disc but buying the special edition a few years later gave me a much better product. On the other hand I still have the Amadeus "flipper"

Meaning no disrespect, Nick - but Highlander and Fight Club were released to DVD about two months apart. Studios and manfacturers had a couple of years by then to figure out codec & compression. There's really no defense. That disc is horrifying - and typical of the film's producers (who consistently offer the fanbase cut-rate schlock on every front).

[Barkatthemoon]

I really miss chapter inserts. Is it all that expensive to give us a little sheet with some movie info on it? The little holders are still on the case and everything.

[PsycheOut00]

Yeah, me too. Or use transparent cases and print them out on the back of the cover.

The good ole days when I could chuckle at Disney's chapter names...

[MoonBaseNick]

Originally Posted by Jason Pollock

Meaning no disrespect, Nick - but Highlander and Fight Club were released to DVD about two months apart. Studios and manfacturers had a couple of years by then to figure out codec & compression. There's really no defense. That disc is horrifying - and typical of the film's producers (who consistently offer the fanbase cut-rate schlock on every front).

Are you thinking of the correct version of Highlander? The Republic Pictures 10th anniversary edition was released in 1997 while the Fight Club DVD was released in 2000.

[Anderson]

Reggie Wanker and The Enforcer made this week's entry.

[Jason Pollock]

Originally Posted by MoonBaseNick

Are you thinking of the correct version of Highlander? The Republic Pictures 10th anniversary edition was released in 1997 while the Fight Club DVD was released in 2000.

Republic's 10th Anniversary Highlander is dated '99 on DVD Aficionado and Amazon. Oct. 26th, apparently. Anchor Bay's came out in 2002. Fight Club hit June of 2000 (this one, I still own). So I was indeed off in my original estimation. Eight months separated them - which, as far as I'm concerned, is still not enough time to justify the awful. By the time this disc came out, companies knew how to master, and a baseline in terms of bitrate and replication quality had already been established.

[Tyler Foster]

Originally Posted by Rene (Mr.Eko)

The original unaltered Star Wars trilogy. Non-anamorphic transfers in this day and age? Pffft!

Whenever I think of this transfer, no matter how much it sucks to begin with, I can't help but remember

Originally Posted by The Digital Bits

Lucasfilm's Steve Sansweet had this to say to the assemblage: "The transfers from the bonus discs are absolutely incredible, because these are pristine master tapes, and I have NEVER seen - despite what you may have heard on Internet rumors - a better transfer of a movie."

and I hate it even more. I admit, I upgraded my discs -- who knows if it will ever get better than this, and I don't want to buy eBay bootlegs -- but that Sansweet quote just rubs it in.