Where the Kiwis/Aussies at?

[Samurai Mike]

These message boards need some serious South Pacific flavour so if you're a NZer (like me), an Aussie or whatever, post some shit here and we'll show these Yanks and Poms how we do things downplanet.

[Dragon Ma]

Well, I'm based in Sydney.

[Samurai Mike]

Good enough

I know a girl from Brisbane, ever been there? I just saw that Simpsons episode where they go to Australia, what the fuck was that? Even I was offended by that!

So whats so special about Australia? Except the fact that they kick our asses in every sport we play against them - except netball

[Latauro]

You were offended by the Australian Simpsons episode? My friends and I all thought it was hilarious! The only thing funnier than the American stereotype of what it's like to live down here is the Simpsons lampooning it.

Also, Melbourne = Greatest City In the World.

[Samurai Mike]

Originally Posted by Latauro

You were offended by the Australian Simpsons episode? My friends and I all thought it was hilarious! The only thing funnier than the American stereotype of what it's like to live down here is the Simpsons lampooning it.

Also, Melbourne = Greatest City In the World.

I just thought it was a terrible portrayal, The Simpsons was all about poking fun at American culture, but this episode seemed like "lets pick a country and do the most stereotypical portrayal of it possible". But if you guys are okay with it, maybe I'm just not getting it.

I await with dread the 'Kiwi episode' where the Simpsons come here and make lots of jokes about sheep/hobbits/our accent. "Oi mate! Lets go get us some fush and chups!" or something. Mind you, NZ ain't as popular in the US as Australia and Britain are at the moment.

And I hear a lot of good things about Melbourne. I myself reside in Hamilton, quite possibly the least interesting city in the world.

[Latauro]

Look, to be fair, quite a few people down here were offended by it. And my initial reaction was a little mixed; it wasn't until second viewing that I decided I loved it.

Honestly, beyond rolling my eyes at the cockney accents always used by actors attempting to be Australian, I don't really care how we're depicted. I mean, most Americans can't locate any country on a globe that *isn't* America, so I'm not too concerned with what they think of us.

I wouldn't discount a Simpsons-NZ episode. They're fast running out of countries to visit...

[Bayouradio]

most Americans can't locate any country on a globe that *isn't* America

Yeah, stereotypes suck, huh?

[The Sphinx]

I'm still trying to figure out what that blue country is. It's fuckin' huge!

[Samurai Mike]

Originally Posted by Latauro

Look, to be fair, quite a few people down here were offended by it. And my initial reaction was a little mixed; it wasn't until second viewing that I decided I loved it.

Honestly, beyond rolling my eyes at the cockney accents always used by actors attempting to be Australian, I don't really care how we're depicted. I mean, most Americans can't locate any country on a globe that *isn't* America, so I'm not too concerned with what they think of us.

I wouldn't discount a Simpsons-NZ episode. They're fast running out of countries to visit...

My fear is that people may think we all sound like Richard Taylor from Weta Workshop! That guy's high-pitched monotone cuts through me like a knife! "Wunted"? What the hell does "wunted" mean? And its years not "yurs" Richard!

Oh and your comment on Americans and globes is gonna go down like a ton of bricks I'm afraid.

And I think if they were going to do a NZ episode they would have done it when we were 'in vogue' over there. After the whole war on terror thing, I think the UK is America's current flavour of the month.

[CircuitsEdge]

Hamilton? Oh you poor bastard. And I thought living in Christchurch was crummy..

[Samurai Mike]

Oh Jesus, there's an article on Star Wars in the New Zealand Herald about last nights NZ premiere of ROTS. The writer states that Empire Strikes Back is the one with Jabba the Hutt(!), Vader tells Luke he's his father in Return of the Jedi, and Attack of the Clones features a "shoot em up" between Dooku and Yoda. Brilliant.

Still, could have been worse. Look at Newsweek!

[Chun006]

The NZ Herald - man I miss that paper... still check it out on the net, but it's just not the same. Nothing like a bit of Star Wars ignorance to squeeze in between the 'Cat stuck in tree in West Auckland' and 'Shrek the sheep gets shorn' stories.

But I do miss me some rugby - watched the second half of the Crusader's demolition job this morning - can't wait for the lions tour.

And Hamiltron - bwahahahahahahaha

[Capt. Eucalyptus]

Funny you guys don't sound Australian.

And in spite of the name I'm not, though I would like to visit one day.

[Samurai Mike]

Stop hassling Hamilton - its as cool as a town built on a swamp could ever hope to be.

And the Herald is shit. Although I got a surprise the other day when my fish and chips were wrapped in a Herald paper from September 12, 2001. Wierd reading the first reports of the WTC attacks. Also made me wonder where the shop had got it from!

Where did you guys see Star Wars? I saw a midnight screening at the Regent Cinema in Te Awamutu, a groovy little independent cinema. Good fun.

[CircuitsEdge]

Midnight screening at the new Westfield Riccarton cine-multi-plex here in Chistchurch on some stupidly huge screen. Though I think next time i'll see it at the Regent in the Square; I like little theatres alot more.

[Samurai Mike]

Do you realise us Kiwis were the first country to see public screenings of ROTS? Nice. Makes me feel all special.

And did anyone notice how much that guy in ROTS with the pale face and red hood (at the planet Grievous is on) looked like Helen Clark? Did she have a cameo?

[CircuitsEdge]

Haha, it was the hideous teeth that gave it away

[Chun006]

I'm sorry to say that I am yet to see episode III - though not for lack of trying. Alcohol has foiled my plans one too many times!

Will see it this week - though I did tell myself that last week as well...

[Matt Ocallaghan]

Hey locals!
Im sitting in Melbourne, it is one of the finest cities on Earth. Prettiest non-itallian girls i have ever seen.
The entire Hospitality industry is staffed with Kiwi's. Anyone who loves their coffee knows you have to go the Kiwi's to get a decent brew.
And man..that Manuka honey is fan-fucking-tastic.

I didnt get offended at all by that Australian Simpsons episode but i was baffled at the bit at the end with the "booting". I had no idea if they were trying to reference something about our culture or not. Weird.

DeviatedPrevert-----do they really still wrap fish in chips in Newspapers at your end? Holy Jesus i havent seen anyone do that in years! Doesnt the ink run with the grease?

[Samurai Mike]

They wrap the actual food in inkless paper, then wrap that in newspaper to keep the heat in. Fucking dee-licious!

Its a problem in NZ that the best of us go overseas, but I didn't realise Australia benefitted so much from our coffeemakers! And manuka honey rocks, our bees are the shit.

That booting thing baffled me as well. Were they trying to take the piss out of the Yanks lack of knowledge about Ausses? Or were they just totally ignorant? Whatever, that episode just sucked to me. But then I haven't liked the Simpsons in ages.

Australian girls ARE hot, at least the ones we see on TV. NZ girls are nice too, but a bit shy. I don't mind it, but it means the chances of seeing a gorgeous, mini-skirt wearing chick walking down the street here are pretty rare. But not non-existent

[Matt Ocallaghan]

Yeah NZ coffe makers are definetly the pants. There is this one cafe in Brunswick owned by some Kiwi's and they import some NZ bean and its so good the others taste like dish piss.
One thing about Melbourne is you cant get a decent serve of fish and chips to save your life. They stick the food in these faggoty boxes. Its just shite. And the serves...you get a fistfull for about 6.90 its a disgrace.
Still...no trouble spotting mini-skirters this way. A diverse range of Eye Candy as well...we have all the bases covered: Goth, Hippie, Feral, Corporate, Bohemian, Nerd, Student, Milf...its great.
We dont have Fajoan wine/vodka over here...is that how you spell it? Man i could bathe in that stuff

[Samurai Mike]

Originally Posted by niffling

We dont have Fajoan wine/vodka over here...is that how you spell it? Man i could bathe in that stuff

I can honestly say I've never heard of it. Fajoan? Doesn't ring a bell. And concerning fish and chips, at our local you can get enough chips for 3-4 people for 2 bucks.

NZ coffee beans? I didn't know we had any! But then I'm not much of a coffee drinker.

Regarding the ladies, who's your favourite Kiwi/Aussie chick? Being the prevert that I am, I'm always open to prospective preversion subjects. The best looking girls on NZ Tv at the moment are Renee Wright (Headliners), Toni Marsh (weather girl) and Solina Theron (reporter). Whats the view like over there?

[Matt Ocallaghan]

Im going to be honest with you and say that we dont really know many Kiwi girls, or Kiwi's in general down this way. Peter Jackson of course...incidentally he was a household name here before the Lord of the Rings stuff. Helen Clarke and thats it really.
Lucy Lawless would probably win, not by default but coz i think she is as hot as all fuck.
As for Australian girls the best in the public eye is obviously Cate Blanchett but locally its a girl called Myf Warhurst who is a DJ on a radio station. She is cute.
Are their many Kiwi's in Lord of the Rings? in major roles? Every Kiwi i know was an orc or an elf, but who in the cast are your country men and women for from where im standing it looks like its all Poms and Aussies.

Yeah Fajoa's are a fruit. They are green and yummy as sugared shit. You scoop out the fruit flesh and go crazy. You can get this Fajoan wine and Fajoan vodka in NZ that is just the Pants. Its sooo nice and you cant get it here. Anytime any of my Kiwi friends go to NZ i beg them to bring some back to me.
Oddly enough Kiwi girls here have reputation for NOT being shy, as opposed to what you said. Maybe as soon as they leave home they go nuts or something

[Samurai Mike]

Oh, FIEJOA!! Now I get you. Duh! I think I spelt it right. I didn't know there was a drink though, sounds intriguing!

Not big fan of Lucy, she's a bit much for me, but I know she's got a lot of fans. Do you know Miriama Smith? She's the Maori chick in that show Last Man Standing. She's hot, I tell ya, there's nothing better than a nice Maori or mixed-race girl, very nice.

Loads of Kiwi's in LOTR, all of the extras of course. Hama, the guy who gets eaten by a Warg in Two Towers is a Kiwi Shortland Street star, as are Celeborn (Galadriels husband), Haldir (the Elf guy who gets killed at Helms Deep), Eomer, and Morwen (the Rohan mother who sends her kids away on a hose). The guy who is Faramirs lieutenant (the leader orc kills him in ROTK) is played by a NZ actor called John Bach whose quite well-known on TV here.

Sad to hear all the non-shy Kiwi chicks are in Aussie, thats so fucking typical, you guys take all the good people from here!! Probably something to do with the weather..

[Chun006]

42 Below Feijoa Vodka - god's gift to spirits... and they do Passionfruit and Manuka Honey vodkas as well. www.42below.co.nz - well worth a visit, and definately worth a purchase. The stuff is like liquid gold here in the UK - mandatory purchase for every man, woman and child who makes a trip home!

Flatmate just came back and brought a bottle of the Feijoa with him... goodtimes for all.

If I may also chip (ha ha ha) in on the fish and chips debate - NZ does it best, but for kebabs Australia beats us hands down - at least Sydney does - I've only spent a couple of weeks in Melbourne and, whilst it's the one Aussie city I want to live in, I didn't get to sample the local cuisine to any extent.

And there are a sizeable contingent of good-looking Kiwis and Aussies over here... a lot of kuni kunis as well though. South African girls on the other hand - solid gold (though the guys are meatheads!).

DP - is Kelly Swanson-Roe still on TV? She was scrumptious - so much more than Toni 'eating disorder' Marsh!

[Samurai Mike]

Ah yes, 42 Below. They must be doing better overseas, you don't hear so much about them here. Typical of us Kiwis to ignore any local success, we've got such a big case of Tall Poppy Syndrome here.

And you're right, Kelly Swanson-Roe is good enough to eat, but she's disappeared off TV. I see her occasionally in mags like Woman's Day (not that I read it or anything), I can only surmise she's pregnant or something

Another chick I simply must mention is Julia Wright from local kids show Sticky TV. She's 22, and she's made me more interested in cartoons than I ever thought possible..

[Matt Ocallaghan]

The Kebabs in Melbourne are WAY better than the ones in Sydney. They are called Souvlaki's here though but they are more succulent and much more what you want at 3am when you are blind but still possess enough sense not to go to McDonalds.
The kiwi girls here are come fully fitted out with their Kiwi Boyfriends so we dont get to sample the goods. Alas.
Sorry for the Feijoa spelling thingy. How rude of me.
That 42below stuff is liquid gold here too. If you want to make a good impression at a party or get together, rock up with some of that and you are in.
Sticky Tv? man thats sounds like something i could get down with.

[Samurai Mike]

For any of you wanting to see whats worth looking at on NZ tv at the moment, here are a couple of pics of 2 quite popular Kiwi girls, for your own preverted purposes:

Toni Marsh is a weather girl, she has a bit of a following here, her voice is pretty sexy and when she says things like "hot and moist" or "pushing a nice warm front forward" I get dirty thoughts in my tiny, fevered brain.

Renee Wright is a presenter of new entertainment show Headliners. She's not as popular yet, but me and my mate are a couple of definite fans.

I'll do some more when I find them, might have to scan a Julia Wright pic, but just thought I'd let you know what us Kiwi creeps are drooling over down here!

[Matt Ocallaghan]

You know there is that long standing myth about the Hot Weather girl but thats the first time ive actually seen one.
That Renee girl looks like about six different kinds of Horn! Well done sir.
If you can teach me how to attach images through here ill meet you with an Aussie girl for each Kiwi. Im lame and dont know how to do it.











heh heh...moist

[Chun006]

Julia Wright? Can't say I can remember her - something I'll have to look in to. Reminds me of Julie White who was quite a fox in her day... and still possibly is (she can't be more than 35)

[Matt Ocallaghan]

Ok this is Chloe Maxwell, a music video TV presenter. Believe it or not she is an award nominated actress.
The other is Gabrielle Richens, who i think hosts a show on cable and appears in a show on free tv called Dancing with the Stars. I have no idea what the show is about but i know she is in it.
They are both quite hot.

[Samurai Mike]

Nice. Renee is even better on tv, she wears the hottest outfits, has a wicked smile, and does this thing with her eyebrows that is totally preverted.

Here are a couple more pics, the first is Julia Wright, from Sticky TV. She's pretty new, Chun006, so you wouldn't have heard of her. Its not the best pic i could find of her, I have a really nice scan but I can't figure out how to post it. Someone know how to do this?

The other pic is of a girl called Taupuna, who hosts a Maori language show called Pukana. Just showing off one of the many hot Maori chicks in this great land! Enjoy.

[Chun006]

Taupuna looks a bit jailbait-esque for me (I must be getting old) - and I see what you mean re Julia Wright. Is it just me or is she the splitting image of a young(er) Kelly Swanson Roe? I used to work for the same company as KSR before she went off and got married/widowed/famous... and she was smokin!

And - sweeping generalisation here - we seem to do the dark-haired beauty so much better than we do with blondes (something Australia does well). And can I get a 'hell-yeah' for all the half-castes out there - something Niffling's pics reminded me about.

[Samurai Mike]

According to the Pukana website, Taupuna is either 18 or 20 (its all in Maori). Julia is 22, and yes, she does look like Kelly! I never noticed until now.

The reason NZ isn't known for its blondes is down to our ancestral stock, which is mainly English, Irish, Scottish and Maori, not exactly blonde-heavy races. Australia I suspect has more European stock like Dutch maybe. It means if you are blonde in NZ, you really get noticed!

Also, a lot of New Zealnd Maori also have some Pakeha blood in them, resulting in lighter skin, like Taupuna I suspect. Over the years there's been a lot of interbreeding between Maori and white people, resulting in some nice mixes as you can see!

Next up I'll try and find some nice Kiwi singers like Brooke Fraser, and some more hot tv chicks, stay tuned. This is fun!

[Matt Ocallaghan]

Ok someone mentioned Jail-Bait so i figured i would make this the theme of my two new Ozzie girls.
The first girl, Nikki Webster, just turned 18 so everyone sighed with relief, the other, Emily Browning is yet too so we are all still pretending we just think she is "cute". She lives in the same suburb as me.
That Renee girl makes me want to immigrate.
Nice one.
good to see the Anzac spirit is still alive and well on the boards.

[Samurai Mike]

Okay my fellow preverts, following on from my last post, here are some more fine examples of Kiwi chickdom for your viewing or otherwise pleasure.

Brooke Fraser is a well-known singer here, she's a devout Christian but still hot, has a very multi-cultural flavour (she's part Indian and something else!).

For all you wanting to see another fine specimen of Maori hotness, Miriama Smith is an actor currently starring in an Australian drama, but still the hottest thing in it by far.

Dayna Vawdry is another kids tv presenter, these shows are gold! Hot, btw.

Anna Jullienne plays a lesbian nurse in local soap Shortland Street. I know, can you think of anything hotter?!

And don't worry, Chun006, all of these lovely girls are over 20, nothing too guilt-inducing!

[Chun006]

DP - Brooke is hot as is Miriama - is she the one that used to go out with Frank Bunce? (she was also on Shortland St (though isn't everyone?))?

I need to start watching kid's tv when I get back - and Shortland St... Is that hot blonde nurse still in it - I haven't watched for a while, but she used to live with Vinnie and Nelson and she was the only thing worth watching for - since my female flatmates insisted we watch every night.

[Matt Ocallaghan]

my god...the Maori girls are beautiful. I dont know too many of them actually now that i think about it.
We are not even remotely as progressive as New Zealand down here so i dont think we have a lot of Indigenous girls, or people in general i can think of. Only two come to mine and one is a guy and the other is not really that attractive. Ill sniff around and see what i can find.
its a slamming inditement of our pitiful and jaw droppinly racist surface level community that i cant attache a whole bunch of indigenous hotties immeadiatly and without thinking of it.
I had a koori girlfriend for a while and man...they are the business.
More more more!

[Samurai Mike]

Attention: I want Hi-5 girl pics! I've shown you the best NZ kids tv has to offer, you must satisfy my preversions with some nice Charleen, Cathy and Kelly images. Do what must be done. Do not hesitate, show no mercy!

I simply MUST include a pic of Pirihira Hollings, my absolute dreamgirl. She's a former Pukana presenter, half-Maori I think, and her Te Reo is music to my ears. I am in love with this girl, please understand, and I really wish she was on tv more.

Come on guys, surely there are more Aussie girls worth a look! Or are you just stunned to silence by the overwhelming gorgeousness of Kiwi ladies?

[Matt Ocallaghan]

hey the ozzie girls are just as hot...so far.
Ive been meaning to get you some hi-5 shots but all the ones ive found have a fucking purple squid in the foreground. im doing my best!

[Dragon Ma]

Looks like Chapelle Corby got 20 years and the public is livid.

[Samurai Mike]

Originally Posted by Dragon Ma

Looks like Chapelle Corby got 20 years and the public is livid.

I doubt she'll be there that long. Too much publicity, and the Indonesian government owes some favours, I think. Its a bit rubbish that its become such a circus, just shows the disposable sympathies in todays societies. Put a poor dumb girl on tv, and suddenly all the genocides in the world are shrugged at.

[Dragon Ma]

I'm amazed how it's broken wide open, it's gone from one simple case of a young woman caught with drugs to a political firestorm, Alan Jones has taken on the cause, politicians are eyeing the situation closely and our relationship with Indonesia has taken another step toward the abyss.

[Samurai Mike]

Originally Posted by Dragon Ma

I'm amazed how it's broken wide open, it's gone from one simple case of a young woman caught with drugs to a political firestorm, Alan Jones has taken on the cause, politicians are eyeing the situation closely and our relationship with Indonesia has taken another step toward the abyss.

Yeah here in New Zealand its been front-page news, can't begin to imagine what Aussies think. If she did do it, she was very stupid, I mean, that dope bag was the size of a pillow! Which leads me to suspect she was set up.

Are things between Australia and Indonesia really that bad? I imagined the tsunami disaster would have thawed things a bit. Guess not.

[Dragon Ma]

Well, I was listening to this late night radio show and one of the callers was absolutely furious at the verdict and expressed her dismay. The host made a statement about 60% of the Tsunami funds being misused by the indonesian gov't or something which doesn't look good.

I think it was just bad luck that she got caught at the airport. I also heard Chapelle has the choice of serving her time in either Indonesia or here in Australia. If she chooses Australia, she has a better chance of getting out sooner with appeals and good behaviour.

[Samurai Mike]

Hey, Crusaders won the Super 12 again, whoopty fucking doo.

Still waiting on those Hi-5 pics guys. Purple octopii are OK, I just wanna see the girls "do it together"

[Matt Ocallaghan]

Yeah we cant take a shit here in Australia without hearing about Corby. To be honest im appalled at how much coverage this has gotten. The media have totally made her some kind of celebrity whose innocence was never questioned.
This is one of those weird situations where the media turns its attentions onto one persons plight as opposed to a whole cultures...it seems (especially in our country) easier for the population at large to get involved with one single persons problem (beauty therapist thrown in foreign death trap prison!) then get behind a problem that involves huge amounts of people.
Things between us and Inonesia are always a bit dicey...i think we want to be friends but things keep getting pissed up around the place.
Im trying to find some Hi-5 stuff but i have to use the Net in public terminals and that could prove embarassing.
Im suprised Corby made news in NZ. Slow news day?

[Matt Ocallaghan]

Ok here we go...hi 5
The first is the lovelly Kathleen. I was at uni when i first found this hi 5 show and i do love girls of foreign flavour so she was my bowl of cereal wake up perv. Fantastic. She is my personal fave Aussie girl on tv. I would like to hi her 5 a lot.
The second is Charli who i have it on good authority is a right goer.
The third is Kellie...well there has to be one Blonde amongst the bunch i guess.
The last one I found when i entered the term hi-5 into a search engine. I dont know what it is. God help us if it ever gets onto tv.

[Chun006]

What the fuck is that thing... the horror, the horror.

Charli is outstanding - and she's a goer? Magic!

Corby is guilty and were she not from a 'white country' she would be lined up for the death penalty. I love how it's become more a discussion about how 'corrupt' the Indonesians are - rather than an analysis of how one rather stupid young lady made an absolute shocker of a mistake. But you guys have already made these points so I'll move back to undressing Charli with my mind...

Sweet, sweet Charli...

And bring on the Lions!

[Dragon Ma]

Well, the indonesians are protesting Corby didn't get the death penalty now and the whole thing just keeps getting bigger. Now it's looking like we have criminals working at our airports and handling our luggage and it's been ongoing since '89 and before that, Jesus christ.

I heard her brother on 60 minutes and he sounded fucking stoned.