The Assumptions Thread.

[Slater]

People who drive ice cream trucks are pedophiles. Or, at the very least, kid-curious.

[Jason P. Thompson]

All lawyers are evil-spawn.

[Jcassady]

All laywers are evil-spawn.

Thanks, asshole ;_;

[Graynadian]

Catholic priests are gay, or at least not sexually attracted to women.

[Master Chuin]

Fat people are jolly. TRUST ME THEY ARE NOT!

[Slater]

People who equate homosexuality with asexuality or, more frequently, pedophilia are dumb.

[Master Chuin]

Uwe Boll movies are going to suck. Or would that be more factual?

[Master Chuin]

Ok one more. If TWO socks go into the dryer.......

[Werbal_Kint]

People who flock to "planned communities" long to be dominated by robot overfiends.

[Graynadian]

People who equate homosexuality with asexuality

Who does this?

[Van Jones]

Soldiers enjoy being yelled at. And dominated.

[Johan Brock]

Elder people take anything and everything based on face-value.

[Slater]

Who does this?

Let's start with YOU and go from there.

[Justin Clark]

People who watch reality TV aren't really interested in being entertained, they're really interested in feeling smarter by comparison.

[Boe]

Ok one more. If TWO socks go into the dryer.......

One ends up in Narnia.

Spending time posting on the internet means you're socially retarded.

[Uth Vaspetad]

The government has your best interests at heart.

Churches spend your donations in a legitimate, and timely fashion.

Bribery will get you nowhere.

Christianity has always been, and forever will be-God's favorite denomination.

Boyscouts are paragons of virtue.

[Graynadian]

Let's start with YOU and go from there.
I said they were gay, or at least not attracted to women, hence making a distinction between homosexuality and borderline sexuality and asexuality. Read better. If you're about to say that asexuality doesn't exist, read more, or watch Kinsey.

edit: maybe it's better to say that people assume Catholic Priests aren't heterosexual.

[Uth Vaspetad]

Pedophilia and homosexuality aren't the same thing, there's a big difference you know.

[Johan Brock]

Spending time posting on the internet means you're socially retarded.

Ouch. I'm getting off now...

[Nicholas Reed]

Being a musician means you are a drug user and extremely promiscuous and unfaithful. Also, a dick.

[Andrew Clarke]

Any successful person is a cunt.

[Lee Harvey Cobblepot]

Everyone knows, when you make an assumption, you make an ass out of u... and umption.

[Timo]

Americans are idiots.

[Death Surge]

All cops are bigger criminals than the people they arrest.

Midgets are fun to be around.

You always learn important life lessons from mentally handicapped people.

[Charlie Brigden]

Once you get married, your sex life suddenly dies.

[Brad Millette]

They're just giving away post-graduate degrees like candy on Halloween these days.

[Jason P. Thompson]

All fast food employees are idiots.

[Judas Booth]

If you are in a car chase, you may make the following assumptions:

- A woman pushing a baby cart will suddenly appear in front of your car, causing you to swerve. If you cannot swerve to miss and you end up hitting the baby cart, it will be full of recycled cans/groceries.

- Two movers carrying a large pane of glass will, at some point, cross the road in front you. Your ONLY option will be to drive through the pane of glass.

- Your car chase will take you through a food market which will cause you to do the following (the order isn't predetermined, but both are mandatory): You MUST smash through a food cart that sells melons/citrus products, and you MUST be forced to drive through a sidewalk restaurant and destroy the plastic furniture.

- At some point in the car chase, you will look in your driver's-side mirror. At the exact moment that you look at it, a bullet from the car chasing you will shatter that mirror.

- When going at high speeds through traffic, you MUST at some point cross over into the oncoming traffic and drive through it. Thankfully, all of the other drivers coming against you will be evenly dispersed in all of the lanes of traffic, and all you'll have to do it quickly veer from left-to-right to avoid certain death. At NO point will you come across a solid wall of cars that cannot move out of your way.

I think that those are all valid assumptions

[Charlie Brigden]

People are smart enough to figure out this isn't another 'dumb things in movies' thread.

[Brad Millette]

You assume too much, Charlie.

[Judas Booth]

These aren't 'dumb things in movies'. In the last two car chases that I was in, all of those assumptions came true. You'd be surprised how expensive it is to replace that side mirror all the time.

[Judas Booth]

Another assumption:

All cops like donuts.

[Charlie Brigden]

People think that because they post on CHUD they are automatically funny.

[Brad Millette]

People will drag any thread into the gutter of stupidity the first chance they get.

[Rob Rocco]

People who work with computers appreciate the chance to demonstrate their skills in a social environment.

Example: When a friend invites them for dinner and then asks "can you have a look at a little computer problem we're having?"

[Spike Marshall]

People think that because they post on CHUD they are automatically funny.

In Chud...first you watch the threads...then you post your comments...then you make the threads...then you get the power....

People who like Scarface are exclusively low rent drug dealers.

[Suttytx]

Everyone in Great Britian suffers from very crooked teeth.

[Jason P. Thompson]

All gay people are good dancers.

[Greg Clark]

People from Texas are Jesus freaks, ride horses everywhere, their legs only know the touch of Wrangler jeans, they speak like they've had a stroke, and they all, ALL have a stake in the oil business.

[Suttytx]

Are you from England, g-dude?

[Greg Clark]

Worse. College Station.

[Suttytx]

Oh no. Move to Austin as quickly as possible!

[Supremo]

Anyawatchin Angel is a woman. Apparently this isn't true, but I'll believe it until it is somehow proven otherwise.

[Justin Clark]

The average emotional age of the hardcore anime fan in America is between 9 and 13.

[Brad Millette]

The average hardcore anime fan in America really believes that they were the only 15 year old in the world mature and smart enough to "get" Ghost in the Shell, as it obviously wasn't geared towards their demographic.

[Charlie Brigden]

The average hardcore anime fan in America finds Citizen Kane boring and overrated, while proclaiming Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust to be one of Oscar's biggest snubs.

[Greg Clark]

Oh no. Move to Austin as quickly as possible!

I plan to. As it is right now, I'm stuck in Huntsville.

[Werbal_Kint]

People who live Austin,Texas, are arthouse fags.

[Shane]

People who live in Florida and are named Werbal are extremely fat.

[Agent Back Smith]

Or just regular fags/fagettes.

[Werbal_Kint]

People who live in Florida and are named Werbal are extremely fat.

LAWL TATS NO ASSUMPSHUN

bbbbbbb^ ^
)_______________(

[Gabriel Williams]

People who live in Florida and are named Werbal are extremely fat.

Hell, people who live in America, whatever their name, are fat.

[Graynadian]

George W. Bush is a complete idiot.

[Justin Clark]

We've been out of "Complete idiot" territory for years. We're living comfortably in "Waste of Viable Sperm" world at this point.

[Ray Abed]

People who diss Spielberg as a filmmaker have shitty taste in film.

[imported_T_M]

All gay people are good dancers.

Straight men can't cut it on the dance floor.

[DARKMITE8]

Everyone assumes that if there is a cake or punchbowl at a gala event... some punkass will be "Tiger Uppercut" punched onto it...

Everyone also assumes that if you play Dungeons & Dragons (or have in the past), that you're a virgin...

[Uth Vaspetad]

If you live in Alabama, you must be an inbred illiterate who wears shoes with velcro straps, since laces are obviously too taxing on your feeble intellect.

[OCallaghan]

If someone starts a sentance with "I'm not racist, but..." you can safely assume one of the most racist comments you are ever going to hear in your life will swiftly follow.

[Greg Clark]

If someone starts a sentance with "I'm not racist, but..." you can safely assume one of the most racist comments you are ever going to hear in your life will swiftly follow.
98% of the time that's not an inaccurate assumption. I've yet to actually encounter the other 2% where the person hasn't ended up sounding like a racist douchebag, but I'm assuming it's out there, somewhere.

[RathBandu]

If you tell someone who has never been there that you used to live in New York, between thirty seconds and two minutes will pass before they ask you about September 11.

[Ryan S~]

If you work in the movie industry you must have money.

If it's R Rated, it's a better movie.

George Lucas raped your childhood.

Critics are frustrated film makers.

All Canadians are friendly.

Strabucks makes good coffee.

If someone is ugly, they must be a good actor or...

If someone is attractive they must be a bad actor.

If it's popular, it's bad.

[Graynadian]

If it's popular, it's bad.

bump

[Charlie Brigden]

That people know the meaning of the word "gratuitous."

[Ray Abed]

Redheads are bitchy.

[Brad Millette]

People think I'm just kidding when I tell them to kill themselves.

[Keith F]

That people know the meaning of the word "gratuitous."

We get it. You're smarter than us. Congratulations.


People think I'm just kidding when I tell them to kill themselves.

I know you're not kidding, I just wish for once you'd take your own advice.

[Brad Millette]

Balmudo masturbates calling my name every night. Then he cries himself to sleep.

[Keith F]

Way to wow me with your vast intellect.

[Brad Millette]

It was just an assumption. Now please stop masturbating while you type. It's really creepy, and makes our relationship very uncomfortable.

[Keith F]

Fuck, you're right man, how could I be so blind? We've been apart long enough, come into my arms you sexy beast. I want you inside me, now!

[Brad Millette]

Well okay, but this is the last time I'm having gay sex with any of you.

And this time I mean it.

[Charlie Brigden]

We get it. You're smarter than us. Congratulations.

I'm just hoping that if I repeat it, people'll get it through their thick skulls and quit posting stupid things.

[Uth Vaspetad]

True love... what a rare and beautiful thing.

[Charlie Brigden]

Well okay, but this is the last time I'm having gay sex with any of you.

And this time I mean it.

You know that's a lie.

[Brad Millette]

Love has nothing to do with what happens in my pants.

[Uth Vaspetad]

True, but I love what happens in your pants.

[Ray Abed]

Love has nothing to do with what happens in my pants.

Perfect Hallmark Card greeting.

[Anderson]

Every long-winded thread will hit a point where the CHUD All-Stars decide to team up on those that they deem "unfit" for "their" boards.

[Schwartz]

Every long-winded thread will hit a point where the CHUD All-Stars decide to team up on those that they deem "unfit" for "their" boards.

...and then the thread will acually get entertaining.

[Keith F]

People who say "Honest to God" or "Scout's Honor" are full of shit and about to try and con me out of everything I own.

[Slater]

Anderson is unfit for my boards.

[OCallaghan]

If someone tells me that they "literally" did something, or something "literally" happened, i will assume the opposite.

[Ray Abed]

Guys who brag out of the blue about girls they slept with the night before are lying bags of horseshit and have major self-esteem issues.

[Uth Vaspetad]

Guys who brag out of the blue about girls they slept with the night before are lying bags of horseshit and have major self-esteem issues.
That's actually a true statement. There's no assumption required about that guy.