Actors Hollywood Seems to Think are Attractive

[Bailey]

the girls-

1) Julia Roberts- Oy. The least believable thing about Ocean's 11 was not that all you needed to rob a Las Vegas casino were wisecracks, remote controlled cars, a cirque de solei reject, and an Affleck... but that Danny Ocean would have planned it all to get this chick back. Please Danny, just go back to prison and take it like a man.

2) Cameron Diaz- The heir apparent to Julia. She looks like a clam on stilts.

really all the Charlie's Angels...

3) Drew Barrymore looks like she spent her rehab at a Turkish prison, getting repeatedly slammed in the face with the butt end of a Soviet Issue AK-47

4) Lucy Liu appears as if someone took a normal looking asian woman, attached a chain to her forehead and one to her feet, and then hooked those onto a couple of transcontinental flights travelling in opposite directions and had the tower clear them for takeoff.

5) Demi Moore- Ugh. All I am saying is I hope she let's that Kutcher jerk put it in the ass.

6) Gwyneth Paltrow- Exhibit A in the case against the heterosexuality of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.

7) Minnie Driver- Exhibit B. I know she's not exactly considered one of Hollywood's great beauties, but come on... The Talented Mr. Ripley coulda played the entire works of Beethoven on her grill.

8) Kirsten Dunst- Stop looking at her tits for just a second. Okay you can go back now.

9 & 10) Brittany Murphy and Mena Suvari- Perfectly cast as dope fiends.

the guys-

Viggo Mortensen- Got no problem with Viggo... like him as an actor and all, but with short hair he looks like Frankenstein and with long hair he looks like an Allman Brother.

The Entire Baldwin Family- I know these guys are past their prime, and that everyone says they look like horses... but that's because they fucking look exactly like horses

[Straxboy - An Anthony Hickox Film]

I trust that you're beeeeeaaaautiful ?

[slowpulse]

hm... care to give us a few samples of whom you think are rightfully considered beautiful in hollywood, mister chairman? it'd be interesting, i think.

[slowpulse]

[Bailey]

dear slowpulse and stax,

consider that was posted at 3 am, with me in a rather odd state woven out of tiredness, incredulity stemming from the suckiness of LXG that I had just witnessed on home video, bitterness derived from having to wait until friday to see rotk, and just general silliness which is a permanent condition, I'm afraid.

(still I stand by what I said... mostly!)

I find Hollywood tries to jam certain actors down our throats... like paltrow, roberts and diaz, and I just don't get why (WHY!!??) they do this. it's certainly not based on talent, and so I assume they must think these people are appealing... again I just don't see it.

I could produce a list of better looking people... but what would that serve? Do you really need me to tell you that Charlize Theron is better looking than Minnie Driver? (who I actually like, by the way) That Angelina Jolie has more beauty per square inch than Clameron Diaz? I think not.

Instead, why don't you think of a list of people you find ugly, write it down, and post it here? It's a very freeing experience. You could put me at the top of the list, even... for obviously I am ugly in my soul. Try it. It's like exfoliating your psyche.

yours truly,
chair

[Straxboy - An Anthony Hickox Film]

But the thing is, if any one of them (save Viggo or the Baldwins I guess, unless that's your thing...) hit on you in a bar, I defy anyone to genuinely claim they wouldn't be tempted at the very least and at most, mess themselves with sex-wee...

I find pretty much everyone in Hollywood that graces magazines to be pretty lucky in the genetic lottery. Hence the reason that they make millions of dollars from those that agree with the suits and calendar makers. Diaz, Kutcher, Spears, Damon...I wouldn't kick myself if I woke up looking like any of 'em.

Anne Ramsey, now that's not pretty.

*edited cos I can't spell "calendar" it appears*

[Bailey]

if you can't "hate" on movie stars here @ the interweb, what can you do?

yeah most of the people I listed aren't actually ugly in the slightest... but that doesn't mean I wanna pay 8 bucks to see them 50 feet tall.

stop ruining my fun!!!!

:mad:

[Dan Whitehead]

Originally posted by Straxboy - An Anthony Hickox Film
at most, mess themselves with sex-wee...

Entry #4354 in the "Classic Straxboy Alamanac of Lewd Verbiage"

[Carl Cunningham]

Originally posted by Straxboy - An Anthony Hickox Film
But the thing is, if any one of them (save Viggo or the Baldwins I guess, unless that's your thing...) hit on you in a bar, I defy anyone to genuinely claim they wouldn't be tempted at the very least and at most, mess themselves with sex-wee

I can guarantee you if Julia Roberts, Gwyneth Paltrow, or Minnie Driver hit on me in a bar (which won't happen, because I currently haven't any gold for them to dig) I would tell then to fuck right off, without any hesitation.

A couple others on that list (Cameron Diaz, Drew Berrymore, Mena Suvari, Kirsten Dunst) would have me think for a while before spurning the offer while pretty much everyone else (Lucy Liu, Demi Moore, Brittany Murphy, maybe even Viggo) wouldn't need to ask twice.

[Fat Dragon]

I would not agree that just cuz dey in da movies that they are so incredibly good looking.Ashton Kutcher?Looks like every smart ass racist jock I went to high school with.

I used to like Brittany Murphy when she had curves,which was when she was about 15 and before anyone knew her.There are plenty of women in film that I don't get why people think they are so amazing looking.Nicole Kidman does nothing for me,I would not give her a second look on the street.

But then again I have strange tastes apparently.As an example,I would,at any time of the day,bang the hell out of Janeane Garofolo's irritable bowels.And Sharon Lawrence.And Leah Remini.And that chick from Grounded for Life.And Persia White.And Peri Gilpin.And Franka Potente.And Kate Winslet.And Julia Sawalha.And Jenny Agutter.And Valeria Golino.And Laura Prepon.And Amanda Donohoe.

[tom de plume]

Originally posted by Straxboy - An Anthony Hickox Film
Anne Ramsey, now that's not pretty. Kristy Swanson's three point shot to Ramsey's mug was a step in the right direction.

[slowpulse]

dear chairman. i hope you didn't consider my previous post to be provocative in any way. i wasn't implying you're an idiot for what you claimed: i really was interested in knowing whom you liked as opposed to the "ugly" ones you mentioned.

personal taste is, well... personal. i do think, though, that some of those actresses you listed are fairly good at what they do, regardless of the way they look (paltrow, diaz, dunst for instance). personally, i think miss jolie, ms bellucci and ms blanchett are the top choices, but i would most definitely not roundkick out of my bed anyone of those you mentioned if i found them in there.

[slowpulse]

[Countess Anna loves Aussie Dracula]

Hey, leave Viggo out of this, OK?

I'll put Denise Richards in this category. She always looks like she's had a lobotomy.

[billylove]

thechairmanofthebored probably looks like that Orc leader from ROTK...

[Bailey]

Originally posted by billylove
thechairmanofthebored probably looks like that Orc leader from ROTK...

OHHHH SHHNIZIPPLE YOU JUST DIDN'T HOMEGIRL!!!!

[Doug]

Originally posted by Fat Dragon




And that chick from Grounded for Life.

The mom or the daughter?
Cause I would totally do the mom.

[Z-Man]

Oh, the daughter is totally cute. The redhead with the cute nose?

And Minnie Driver is hot.

[Fat Dragon]

Originally posted by BobClark
The mom or the daughter?
Cause I would totally do the mom.

The mom,she's got a great luscious NATURAL rack.Real fucking woman.

This week anyway.

[moovyphreak]

Originally posted by Bunny Dracula
Benicio Del Toro is pretty heinous looking.

Would you be surprised if I told you that I know a number of women who find him to be gorgeous?

[Del Griffith]

Jennifer Connelly - Now, I found her totally hot in Career Opportunities, but in the Hulk, she's in dire need of a sandwich. Please eat something!! (That goes to you too Laura Flynn Boyle). I never find skeletons attractive

Keira Knightly - I don't see what the fuss is all about.

[Queen Mushroom]

Ugh. I had an acquaintence in high school who was in love with Benicio. Why??? He's not conventionally attractive. He's not unconventionally attractive. He's an excellent actor, but that doesn't mean he doesn't look like some sort of undiscovered ape.

As for ugly women? That's easy. Tara Reid. She's horribly thin, her clothes never fit right, and she always has this dumb, stunned look on her face. Her death isn't going to be natural, I tell you whut.

[slowpulse]

oh yes, sarah jessica parker: ugly! great body, nice actress, but the face is not something you want to have a peek at first thing when you wake up. no sir.

[slowpulse]

[Straxboy - An Anthony Hickox Film]

I have baby-gravy for 'em all.

[Schwartz]

Julia Roberts and Sarah Jessica Parker are flat-out ugly. Their casting as sex symbols is proof that the entirety of Hollywood has spent the last 15 years coked out its damn mind. Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz are disturbingly inconsistent in their hotness. But if either of them was involved in the ridiculous hitting-on-me-in-a-bar scenario, I'd do it. Viggo too. I'm not gay, but he's Aragorn, man. Oh yeah, and Tara Reid was hot at some point, back when she was still human.

[DerekT]

Can someone explain why Jennifer Love Hewitt is considered attractive?

For me its that damm insincere smile shes got, it just tells me "I'm the most fake person you will ever meet".

[slowpulse]

Originally posted by DerekT
Can someone explain why Jennifer Love Hewitt is considered attractive?
if you can't see it, i don't think there's any description that can change your mind. but anyway, it may have to do with her phenomenal body and her beautiful face. what else are you looking for?

[slowpulse]

[DerekT]

I thought I made it clear, its that damm smile. It looks like "I'm smililing because I have a gun to my head" So damm fake.

[Phartz Daley]

Men:

1. Ben and Matt. Both are good actors, but they just reek of Fraternity Brother. Ben is definitely overplayed.

2. Leo DiCap. I seriously think only 50-year-old women and impressionable pubescent Latvian (insert other country where entertainment is slow-coming) girls like him. It's a Titanic thing. To me, he just looks like a biggie-sized 12-year-old.

3. The Dawson's Creek boys. I know this show is over and gone, thank God, but I am still having nightnmares because of VanderBeek's forehead. Joshua Jackson, like Leonardo, looks like an over-sized kid.

4. Justin Timberlake. Hair looks like bleached pubes, has a blah face, looks like he actually enjoyed Dude, Where's My Car.

5. Vin Diesel. He's too round-faced for my taste. I like watching him, but he doesn't have any distinguishing hunky looks...so sue me!

6. James Marsden. I don't know of anyone who has the hots for him, but if they do, they need a major ass-kicking. His face is situated within the very middle of his face...thank God they covered it with the Cyclops shades.

7. Carson Daly. Here's the big one I don't get. His head looks like Frankenstein's Monster meets Queer Eye for the Straight Guy .


Women:

1. Monet Mazur. I saw her in Torque and thought she was the most miscellaneous blonde ever.

2. Penelope Cruz. Looks like a small-breed dog. Has a nose and tooth problem.

3. Renee Zellweger's lips. I like Renee otherwise. Her lips are the most collagen-botox-enhanced smoochers since Goldie's in First Wive's Club.

4. Sharon Stone. She's kind of a lesser-rung actress now. She's another miscellaneous blonde. Definitely had to take the Basic Instinct role to get noticed.

5. Tori Spelling. Looks like her dad, but with large tits and a small waste.

6. Cindy Crawford. Not really doing much lately, but I feel she is inclusive on this list. Overrated, boring. That mole is just gross.

7. Beyonce Knowles. Just 'cause MTV thinks she can sing, doesn't mean she needs to act, too. Overrated.

[Countess Anna loves Aussie Dracula]

Originally posted by Phartz Daley
Men:


6. James Marsden. I don't know of anyone who has the hots for him, but if they do, they need a major ass-kicking. His face is situated within the very middle of his face...thank God they covered it with the Cyclops shades.




He also can't act and I have the sneaking suspicion that he changed his name from Jimmy to James so people could take him seriously.

It's not working, so go back to Jimmy and getting smacked in the head.

[Phartz Daley]

I remember (back when I was into Hugh Jackman) Marsden having a shitfit over the fact that X-Men was all about Wolverine, and that if Cyclops doesn't get a bigger role he isn't on for the 2nd. I was like, "Dude, Wolverine IS X-Men". And to make matters worse, Hugh was getting more and more popular so James just sounded like he was bitching for no reason. He also seemed to have forgotten that he is contracted to do X2 AND 3.

Fucking Moron.