Feedback on SAFE MODE

[Richard Dickson]

Okay, I've been silently curious and reluctant to beg for feedback, but all the cool kids seem to be doing it, so why not? :)

Anyways, the story is <a href="http://www.chudstories.com/stories/safemode.php3" target="_blank">here.</a>

[Dan Whitehead]

Hi Poxy,

I'll be honest - cyberpunk isn't usually my thing, so I'm not sure how useful my feedback will be. I had to read the story a few times just to get the jargon sorted out!

But, once I'd got my head into the right frame of mind to "get" the story - I really enjoyed it. Loads of fantastic imagery and ideas - which is a huge part of good sci-fi writing - and although the jargon got a bit too dense for me in places (not sure if that's because I don't know cyberpunk, or just don't know computers that well) I liked the payoff, and the idea of all the graphics regressing to pixels and smileys was brilliant.

If I had one criticism, it would be that I was never entirely clear what they were "In" to do - I guessed it was some sort of hacking, but I never really grasped the details. The fault probably lies with my jargon-phobic brain more than your writing though.

I usually prefer my sci-fi writing more traditional (Wells, Verne, Wyndham etc) but I surprised myself by really getting into this. I may have to expand my reading horizons - which is never a bad thing!

[Richard Dickson]

Thanks for the comments, Dan! The jargon is supposed to be dense and you're never really supposed to know what they're In there to do. I meant this to be more of a parody of the genre than a straight piece -- playing with the idea popularized by Gibson and Shadowrun that these guys are supposed to be some sort of uber-cool cyber cowboys when in reality they'd more than likely be a bunch of nerds with cool toys who don't want to play if they can't look really cool doing so.

And hell, I'll be honest -- re-reading it now, I don't remember what half that jargon is supposed to mean!

Thanks again for taking the time to comment.

[voltes5]

The beauty of the whole prose was definitely the jargon. That's what cyberpunk is, and Poxy really nailed it by parodying while at the same time giving homage to the whole genre. This could actually be a sub-story within the cyber-noir tale of Alexander Besher's "RIM" (one of the plots involved the hero, Dr. Gobi trying to rescue his 10 year old son who's trapped in a virtual reality game). Poxy, if you haven't read that, I recommend it (I heard that Robin Williams wanted to make a movie about it, but I don't see him as Gobi, nor have I heard much about it.)

But, I digress. I loved this story because of the playfulness of the whole tale (Poxy, you really have a knack for creating believable worlds where BOTH kids and adults can live in -- this is in regards to your "Kracken" tale. In other words you've got that Disney-but-with-a-mature touch.) Also, I love the pacing as it was quick and had a number of cultural homages (especially the "watergating" part). I enjoyed the dialogue that they border on ridiculous, yet at the same time very believable (hey, I'm using one of them in my sigfile!).

Also, the way you were describing the whole tale, my mind kept shifting from real, CG, then traditional animation. I love it when a story does that to me. It keeps me awake and very interested. Especially when things got "DOS-ed." Awesome.

Overall though, it's a fun read. Great job!

[Dan Whitehead]

Reading it again, with the knowledge that it's at least part parody, I enjoyed even more. I think I expected it to be like all the other cyberpunk stuff I've attempted, which has always been very po-faced and serious. A lot of the humour passed me by first time through, or I wasn't sure if it was meant to be funny.

Now I understand the genre a bit better, and what you were trying to do within it, I'm even more impressed.

And "napstering" is just brilliant.