CHUD's Best Writers [Archive]

Russell Lucas2

05-31-2002, 12:48 AM

I'm talking about form here rather than content (and ignoring the legitimate argument that form is content). Here are 11 of my favorite post-writers on the site-- people whose posts I enjoy reading simply because they can arrange words to great effect. I'm sure to leave out a few obvious great writers, but nevertheless, good careful writing on message boards rarely gets the credit it deserves.

In no particular order, keeping good rhetoric alive:

Dave B

The guy's a tech. writer, apparently, and he's got a clarity of thought and expression that really shines through. Posts are always well-constructed.

M. Hindmarch

Impeccable comic timing and wit. You want a phrase turned, he's the guy to do it.

K. Drummond

Though occasionally a bit to slang-y for my taste, Kirby's writing has a real effortless flow to it, which I admire all the more because I loathe the labored quality my own writing takes on. Also a very funny writer-- he knows how to use words to wring out the maximum humor value.

J. Pollock

Best communicator of deep emotion and passion on the site. His writing gets you inside his head and soul at less than one remove away.

N. Nunziata

Nick's the irony master and coiner of catchphrases.

d. Wiskerando

don's more of a jab artist, and doesn't have as much in the way of longer posts to appraise, but his jabs always have precisely the right effect.

Logan, Gen'l

Logan is a good, clear writer with a real honesty that comes out of what he writes.

R. Seabass

Seabass has great skill in discussing abstract thought. He's got a finely-tuned wit.

C. Beaks

A very smart writer whose style shows off his high-end analytical abilities to great purpose.

Burke

A good, clear writer. Burke has the rare ability to effectively communicate abstract ideas and the like.

P. von Sinestro

A great writer-- he made me turn the list up to 11. Fantastic comic sense and clarity of thought.

I didn't mean to start an ass-kissing contest here, but I thought that good writing shouldn't go unpraised. There are many others who ought to be mentioned as well, but it's getting late.

Russell Lucas2

05-31-2002, 01:09 AM

Blast. I missed voltes.

I chose to exclude two obvious candidates-- Grendel and Cosmic Ray-- from my list owing to the relative infrequency of their visits these days.

Dan Laugharn

05-31-2002, 01:22 AM

I'm touched... jerk.

voltes5

05-31-2002, 01:24 AM

My all-time favorite literary trio (Nick is there, but he's transcended the essence of lists -- and are my lips any browner?).

DaveB
Poxy Von Sinister
Blofeld

Every time I read these guys, I just sense "genius." Of course, there are lots more amazing writers than these unholy trinity, but for me, they just stand out.

And I have a Poxy snippet in my sigfile!

Seabass Inna Bun

05-31-2002, 01:26 AM

Gracias.

I think it's all the Goscinny & Uderzo comics I read as a kid.

voltes5

05-31-2002, 01:38 AM

Oh, geez, I forgot Micah. Plus knowing his deep and soulful voice makes reading his posts an orgasmic experience. wink

And, Russell, wow, thank you. :)

Dammit. Ludwig and Devin too! CheeseBiscuits is always a hoot to read, and Verbal, well, Verbal is Verbal.

Burke

05-31-2002, 04:06 AM

I'm touched. :) You made my day R-LU.

Johnny Butane

05-31-2002, 02:03 PM

I have to list my top two favs, which are Nick and Dave D. They make me laugh almost every time.

I notice I'm not anywhere on these lists...just cause I don't work for CHUD, huh? FINE!

Cheese Biscuits

05-31-2002, 02:28 PM

Voltes the Schattenjager:
Dammit. Ludwig and Devin too! CheeseBiscuits is always a hoot to read, and Verbal, well, Verbal is Verbal.Awww, thanks Voltes. Okay, so the following people deserve praise from me for their writing talents:

Voltes- Always a funny, good hearted guy who knows his shit.
Micah- Has great taste in movies and he knows how to get his points across. He's also not afraid to like/dislike something outside the norm. And, fuckaduck, does he have a huge one.
Nick- What can I say? You're Da Sexy of webmasters and writers and part time gigolos.
General Logan- Always a funny and great guy to read.
Zod- Always has interesting points of views and knows how to get them across.
don wiskerando- the master of the jab
Django- Always around... lurking in the shadows, looking for its next victim.
HAM- One of the best guys around... even if he sucks the cocks of preteen boys... :D
Devin- He adds so much life to these boards and he knows his shit, even if he can be a little, ummmm, <a href="http://chud.nexcess.net/board/ubbhtml/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=52;t=000104" target="_blank">odd</a> at times.
Kirby- Great guy, great writer, and still to this day the only Chewer to ever contact me by e-mail (it was Draft related, but still).
Dan Whitehead- Always makes me laugh.
Refrozen Seabass- He makes clear, understandable points and he's one funny bastard.
Poxy- He's clear, logical, and he makes the best captions... period.
Shelby- What can I say? She's the Queen of the boards with good reason.
J. Butane- Great guy and great writer.
Blofeld- Funny, funny guy who has great skill in his writing.
86, Tony, Verbal- I hate them because I love them... but I mostly hate them. :D

Goddamnit... I love you all! Group hug!

flyarz

05-31-2002, 03:03 PM

My favorite writers:

the Knowby Warrior
herBREASTSallDriedUp
DJ Dylan
doc_weasel
quartermass76
Uncle Mitch
Wesley Snipes
Michael Bay

I know I'm leaving some of you shills out! Love you all!

DaveB

05-31-2002, 03:09 PM

Wow. Thanks, guys.

I'd have to put Micah, Matchstick, HAM, Kirby, Volte, and Poxy way up there (again, it goes without saying that Nick's terrific, too, but his best work is on the site rather than on the board :) ). And special props to Mundt, who's been cracking me up lately.

I nominate myself for Most Parenthetical Chewer. It's a tough habit to kick, for some reason.

DaveB

05-31-2002, 03:10 PM

And I nominate Knowby for best capitalization.

Michael Rabattino

05-31-2002, 04:08 PM

Well, I never disrespected you or anything CB, so I don't know why you would hate me more than like me...but if it's a joke, it's cool.

I basically think that all the main CHUD guys are excellent writers (Nick and the gang) and my personal favorite posters are:

Blofeld (funniest one-line poster ever)
Will (sick old man wink , but he's hilarious!)
Voltes (when I need to relive PC Gaming's greatest moments!)
flyers (even if he likes Lion-O's cock)
RathBandu (is very talented and writes SW fan-fic like no other)
Poxy (next to Nick, the best writer of captions EVER, and just incredibly intelligent in whatever he posts)
Devin, (even if he always pisses me off the man can form an opinion with class like no other).
DJ Dylan (a cool guy)
Tony Ryan (maybe the best knowledge of movies on this site, or at least close)
Adam Warren (eloquent and hilarious at the same time)
jabbadonut (always very interesting to hear what he has to say...is very philosophical)

That's all I can muster right now.

Charlie Brigden

05-31-2002, 04:18 PM

Tony.
Nick.
Davis.
Butane.
Creeture.
Flyers.
Wiskerando.
Seabass.
Cunningham.
Blo.
DaveB.
Logan.
Lucas.
Von Sinister.
Voltes.
Devin.
HAM.

flyarz

05-31-2002, 04:25 PM

I got mentioned...twice.

CHUD: a place for illiterate movie fans.

wink

Just kidding fellas, I appreciate it, and all you guys rock. Cept for that Nunziata fella, always putting his politics into the equation :p

imported_Adam Warren

05-31-2002, 04:31 PM

Any poster who can write a coherent sentence. There are at least five.

Seabass Inna Bun

05-31-2002, 04:33 PM

"Three, my Leige."

"Right. Three."

imported_Adam Warren

05-31-2002, 04:33 PM

Does the modesty of these boards ever begin(not a reply to seabass)?

Agent 86

05-31-2002, 04:34 PM

Everyone that has been mentioned above.

Yep...

The feeling is mutual about you CheeseBiscuits. You took a great thing like Biscuits and put it with the hateful Cheese. *Shudder*

But really, you all write very well and I enjoy all the humor you add to the boards. Intentional or not.

Anyway...

Agent 86

05-31-2002, 04:35 PM

Refrozen Seabass:
"Three, my Leige."

"Right. Three."Post of the fuckin'day.

flyarz

05-31-2002, 04:51 PM

Adam and the Golden Post-total:
Does the modesty of these boards ever begin(not a reply to seabass)?I'm guessing that's a reply to my post...And having re-read my post, I see I came off badly. I meant to say I was shocked that I was mentioned at all, thus calling people illiterate who would enjoy my posts.

Bad attempt at a joke. I truly appreciate those who mentioned me, and I dig all of you cats who post here.

And if that reply wasn't in fact directed at me, well, consider this a response to anyone who may bitch about my post in the future!

imported_Adam Warren

05-31-2002, 04:57 PM

And I don't get it(the seabass joke). Shame on me. I'll add these forgotten names in the spirit of incestuous masterbation:

yt - is good writer.

sjr - der witmeister.

capt' katanga - should post more. Is good writer.

tux kamen - should post more. Is good writer.

cosmic ray - should post more and is wrong about ontology recap. phylogeny. Is good writer.

mad man - told funny clown suit joke. Is funny. Has writing skills.

chavez - can write. Has philosophical insight.

RLU - writes well-crafted sentences.

xymog - knows about real subjects, like science. Can write. Is funny.

raoul duke - most talent on board.

imported_Adam Warren

05-31-2002, 05:02 PM

flyers:
I'm guessing that's a reply to my post...Nope, just a general comment on these boards. Modesty ain't a hot commodity on CHUD.

Rath/Brendan

05-31-2002, 05:05 PM

I hate you all. Had anyone bothered to read my Star Wars-mythology things in the SW thread, I might have been on these lists.

But that's what I get for overusing "tool.".... :D

Michael Rabattino

05-31-2002, 05:19 PM

Holy shit, Rath I completely forgot about you man...just fixed my list.

Your SW writing, and overall writing is awesome.

Richard Dickson

05-31-2002, 05:24 PM

I have to admit, I merely scanned this thread looking for references to myself.... wink

Seriously, thanks for the kind words, guys, especially Volte -- nice to know someone out there read "Safe Mode"!

As for my faves(in no particular order):

Django -- even though I don't always agree with him and I sometimes think he can be an egotistical maniac (and I mean that in the nicest possible way), there is such mad energy coming from everything he writes. He's sniffing flowers we ain't even planted yet.

Mikah -- eloquent, articulate, and knowledgeable, you can always count on his side to be well-argued and thought-out, not merely some knee-jerk reaction or pithy, one-sentence insult.

Nick -- I swear, I don't know where he comes up with some of those metaphors of his, but I hope he doesn't lose the connection any time soon.

Carl Cunningham -- because he likes Star Wars too and the sheep must flock. wink Really, he's another one who always seems to have clarity and thought on his side instead of blind fanaticism one way or the other.

Verbal --yeah, sometimes he'll jump in and shoot his mouth off when a little patience and thought may have served him well, but the kid's got passion and it shows through in what he writes on here. Temper it with a little wisdom and he's onto something.

I could go on and on -- there's really nobody here who I'll skip over if I see their name in a thread. Everybody has contributed something worthwhile at some point.

And yes, my captions own you all.

Michael Rabattino

05-31-2002, 06:02 PM

Poxy, you mentioning me proves i'm an idiot for not mentioning you.

I hate that I forgot some of my favorite posters...just fixed my list.

Kirby Drummond

05-31-2002, 06:06 PM

Russell Lucas:
K. Drummond

Though occasionally a bit to slang-y for my taste, Kirby's writing has a real effortless flow to it, which I admire all the more because I loathe the labored quality my own writing takes on. Also a very funny writer-- he knows how to use words to wring out the maximum humor value.
Well, thank you Russ. High praise. And as far as your own writing, this above paragraph proves you can flow with the best of them. Reads very natural, impressive structure.

I love this topic, but it seems like some people have already gone off of it, choosing to comment on content and who they like, who's "cool." Be nice to see your original specs followed more closely because again, it's an interesting topic.

I'll add my faves when I think about it.

imported_Adam Warren

05-31-2002, 06:08 PM

I don't know how I forgot prala, who does the best job writing as herself and not the person she wants the boards to see.

TheOutlawTorn

05-31-2002, 07:42 PM

The fact that nobody has mentioned Don Dokken digusts me beyond rational thought.

CTDeLude

05-31-2002, 08:13 PM

Django gets to me pretty good in terms of sarcasm.

Adam Warren is always good for the slightly more informed opinion poster.

SJR manages to mix things up fairly well.

Kronos is good for the conversationalist in me. And that is saying a lot considering it is a message board.

Many others but I just ran out of time to write. So sorry.

flyarz

06-01-2002, 10:08 AM

Well, I'll give a serious list of some of my favorite posters:

-- Kirby: one of the funniest, wittiest and most interesting guys on this board. I read every one of your posts. Hell, even your usernames are great.
-- Devin: I don't agree with him sometimes. Hell, no one does. But the fact that the guy makes me step back and question my own point of view before responding is the sign of a great, convincing writer. Plus, his news updates are great.
-- Django: The guy who made me say, "Hey, these boards are great, I need to get in on this."
-- Nick: Well, this goes without saying. The man is hilarious, and his posts and main page postings prove it.
-- SJR: He seems to be everywhere, and he tells us all about it. Wonderful.
-- Johnny Butane: Wicked clever.
-- Tony Ryan: Extensive knowledge about many things and knows how to express himself.
-- Bloefeld: Best comedic timing on the boards.
-- Jennifer: Honest, simple and interesting. Sometimes that's all you need.
-- Don Wiskerando: You are my hero. The wind beneath my wings. Great timing, wit, expression.

Okay, more to come as I remember those that I slighted...

Dan Whitehead

06-01-2002, 10:54 AM

If you'd asked me last week, you'd get a huge list. But recent events have made me realise that's only one true genius on these boards.

fightthapower.

That is all.

Blofeld

06-01-2002, 01:21 PM

Wow. Thanks people ... I enjoy you all. You will never know the extent to which CHUD is a life saver...

But ... goddamn that fightthapower! USURPER!

Clarence Beaks

06-01-2002, 08:28 PM

Thanks for the kind words, Russell. I'm glad you think I write good. I pledge to you that I will strive to write gooder in the future.

Blofeld

06-01-2002, 08:29 PM

Jesus, Beaks ...

It's "more better."

Tony Ryan

06-01-2002, 08:36 PM

These are the people whose words keep me coming back to chud.

Blofeld
Beaks
Nick
Kirby
SJR
Fett
R-LU
Andre
Butane
Poxy
Voltes
Django
HAM

Tony Ryan

06-01-2002, 08:40 PM

Whoa, I just noticed I made a few lists, thanks.

But I can't spell, so that makes me disqualified right away.

raoul duke

06-01-2002, 09:53 PM

Adam and the Golden Post-total:
raoul duke - most talent on board.You're just trying to get into my pants.

imported_Adam Warren

06-01-2002, 10:37 PM

Ludwig and I have a bet.

Burke

06-02-2002, 05:15 AM

Tony Ryan:
These are the people whose words keep me coming back to chud.

Blofeld
Beaks
Nick
Kirby
SJR
Fett
R-LU
Andre
Butane
Poxy
Voltes
Django
HAMTony,

Updater is going to fricking kill you.

Your friend and mine,
Burke

Tony Ryan

06-02-2002, 12:57 PM

I forgot Burke on my list.

Russell Lucas2

06-03-2002, 01:31 PM

You're welcome, Kirby. Yeah, that form/content distinction is just too hard to make sometimes. If I had the time and opportunity, I'd search my memory for some really fantastic well-written posts and I'd copy them in this thread. I'd omit the username on my exemplar posts, though, because I think there's a tendency sometimes to get hung up on the messenger.

TheOutlawTorn

06-03-2002, 02:39 PM

Am I the only one who digs The Crystal Lich? Funny dude...

amadeus

06-03-2002, 03:01 PM

Nick Nunziata
Micah Robinson
Smilin' Hack Ruby
Carl Cunningham

Tony Ryan

06-03-2002, 03:10 PM

He is one of your favorite writers, yet you call him Smilin' Hack Ruby?

amadeus

06-03-2002, 03:19 PM

It seemed so hilarious in my head...

Tony Ryan

06-03-2002, 03:27 PM

And it was, I had quite a chuckle.

prala is just for jk

06-03-2002, 03:49 PM

Adam Warren:
I don't know how I forgot prala, who does the best job writing as herself and not the person she wants the boards to see.::skrreeeeeee!:: (high pitched girly sound)

adam, that's like, the best compliment anyone has ever given me, because that's exactly what i try to do.

Smilin' Jack Ruby

06-03-2002, 09:53 PM

Dog Soldier:
It seemed so hilarious in my head...Hey, I'm nothing if I'm not a hack.

My favorite remains "Smilin' Jack Ass"

imported_Adam Warren

06-03-2002, 09:55 PM

Smilin' Jack Rubby?

Seabass Inna Bun

06-03-2002, 10:33 PM

Smilin' Jack <hic> Rummy.

General Logan

06-04-2002, 08:52 PM

Thank you very much to the people that thought of me in this thread.

There isn't a single person that posts in here often that isn't of value. In no order, let me single out and praise:

HAM: for his economy and lucidity of thought.

Micah: for allowing common sense to prevail against irrational tides.

Nunziata: for offbeat yet on-the-mark wit.

Blofeld: for being a leader, respectable and never too serious.

I am by no means done of course, and yes I did start with a few "older" Chewers. That was just because I don't have a complete list in front of me and want to go searching for the rest of your many, many gems.

You are all appreciated. Weird thing about these boards (and the site in general), they attract a growing and diverse group of people, but never seem to lack in a quality of being... right.

I disappeared for a while, and came back to find a lot of new faces. Many of whom I just don't know as well as I'd like. With the exception of one-time handles created for people to hide behind or shill through, I'd raise a glass with each of you.

And if this post doesn't get me on more of your damn lists... heh. Just kidding. I mean what I said and just got a bit long-winded. Now to add to my list...

Micah Robinson

06-05-2002, 10:51 AM

First off, thank to those who thought of me so well as to put me on their list.

Second, for moi, I choose the following:

Steve Murphy - He's not on here a lot, but more often then not when he decides to break his silence, he generates chuckles. And I love his DVD reviews and captions plenty, too.

Hot Animal Machine - This one is a no-brainer, because even when I disagree with the guy, his intensity, straight-forwardness, and dedication to the things he loves always surprise me and leave me in awe.

Django - Because I have come to realize that it takes guts to have tastes like he and I have (love for Christopher Lambert, B movies, etc.) and not write them off as "guilty pleasures." Also, he can let loose with some very funny posts here and there. The kid mystifies more often than not, but he's a presence I've come to enjoy.

Clarence Beaks - I love his perspective on film, and his knowledge and insight inform me. He's just good people.

Smiling Jack Ruby - Ditto.

Innocent X/Kirby - I often have an adversial relationship with the fellow, yet the fact of the matter is that I care enough to spar. I'm not sure what, but something compels me to interact with him whether it be in a friendly or not-so-friendly manner. Go figure. His posts definitely make things less boring, even if they also make things more frustrating.

Moriarty - Because it's got to be tough having a best friend who takes the fire that his does. And (usually) he handles all fo that with style and grace, and then manages to make very meaningful contributions around here.

Blofeld - Lord and Master of the one-liner. 'Nuff said.

Shelby - Because no one's candidness about their personal life makes my eyes pop out of my head more than her.

Kevin Matchstick - A very close second to Blofeld in the one-liner category, a good debater, and a generally witty and enjoyable presence here.

Nick Nunziata

06-05-2002, 12:20 PM

Interesting thread. I have my list, but I don't want to play favorites. To those that chose me, thanks. To those that didn't... Lick it.

Matt Carroll

06-05-2002, 12:27 PM

Blofeld
Mikah
Kronos
Burke
Refrozen Seabass
Adam Warren
Matchstick

Micah Robinson

06-05-2002, 02:30 PM

Nick Nunziata:
Interesting thread. I have my list, but I don't want to play favorites. To those that chose me, thanks. To those that didn't... Lick it.Relax...you go without saying, fool.

Mad Man Mundt

06-12-2002, 07:30 PM

Country DaveB and the Fish:
Wow. Thanks, guys.

I'd have to put Micah, Matchstick, HAM, Kirby, Volte, and Poxy way up there (again, it goes without saying that Nick's terrific, too, but his best work is on the site rather than on the board :) ). And special props to Mundt, who's been cracking me up lately.

I nominate myself for Most Parenthetical Chewer. It's a tough habit to kick, for some reason.Hey! Right back at ya, big guy. Same goes to you, Adam. Funny, this is actually the first time I've visited this section. Coincidentally, you two fellas are a couple of my long-time favorites. Along with Kirby (whose Memento threads got me lurking), Beaks (another Wings fan, well spoken with a big vocabulary), Smilin' Jack (man of action), Chavez (\m/, Metal Up Your Ass!)) , Carl Cunnigham (The good guy) and Blofeld (The Oscar Wilde of CHUD, except not gay.) That's just off the top of my head. 75 years! 75 years! It took me 75 years to get here, and I'm not leaving yet. Thank You, Dorthy Dandrige!