Want investment advise in today's market?

[Will]

HEre's what I know,

If you had bought $1000.00 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now
be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 of the original
$1,000.00. With Worldcom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

If you had bought $1000.00 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock)
one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the 10 cent
deposit, you would have $214.00.

Based on the above, the current investment advice is to drink heavily and
recycle.

Drink heavily and recycle at CHUDWEST.

[Kronos]

I like to dollar/cost average my stock in Corona, or local microbrews. I like to invest in small business.

Budweiser, while having a spectacular group of Clydesdales, is to me the WorldCom of the beer biz.

[CTDeLude]

Yehaw can't wait for some good recycling!

[Will]

In addition to the above, I believe one could power electric lights for a loooooong time from just the methane gas produced in drinking $1,000 worth of beer.

"Drink a grand worth of brews. It's good for the enviroment!"

Think I could sell that slogan to Madison Avenue?

[Jim Pappas/Jabba]

Neeeeeeeehhhaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!!

I love it.

Let there be beer.

[Will]

Yes! Beer is the greatest. Well maybe the second greatest. Let's examine this shall we?

Beer v. Pussy

A beer is always wet.
A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.

A beer tastes horrible served hot.
A pussy tastes better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.

Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer.

Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
Pussy does not.
Advantage: Draw.

If you get a hair in your teeth consuming
pussy, you are not disgusted.
Advantage: Pussy

24 beers come in a box.
A pussy is a box you can come in.
Advantage: Pussy.

Too much head makes you mad at the person
giving you a beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is
still edible.
Advantage: Beer.

If you come home smelling like beer, The
Woman may get mad.
If you come home smelling like pussy, she
will definitely get mad.
Advantage: Beer.

6 beers in a night and you better not
drive.
6 pussies in a night and you have done
all the driving you need.
Advantage: Pussy

Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
Advantage: Draw

It is socially acceptable to have a beer
in the stands at a football game.
You are a legend if you have a pussy in
the stands at a football game.
Advantage: Pussy

If a cop smells beer on your breath, you
are going to get a breathalyzer.
If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you
are going to get a high five.
Advantage: Pussy

With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: beer.

Wearing a condom does not make a beer any less enjoyable.
Advantage: beer.

Pussy can make you see God.
Beer can make you see the porcelain God.
Advantage: Pussy

If you think all day about the next pussy you will have,
you are normal.
If you think all day about your next beer, you are an alcoholic.
Advantage: Pussy

Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
Advantage: Pussy.

If you try to snag a beer at work, you get fired.
If you try to snag a pussy at work, you get hit with sexual
harassment.
Advantage: Draw

If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break.
If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt
you down like the dog you are.
Advantage: Beer.

If you change to another beer, your old
brand will gladly have you back.
Advantage: beer.

The best pussy you have ever had is not
gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Pussy.

The worst pussy you have ever had is not
gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.

Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill.
Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright.
Advantage: Beer

Good beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, Killian's Red
Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
Advantage: Pussy.

The government taxes beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

It's a close call, but the numbers never lie.
Advantage: Pussy.

[Will]

Ah! Sweet, sweet beer-Homer Simpson.

Due to increasing liability litigation,* American Beer Brewers may
have to accept the FDA's suggestion that the following Warning Labels be
placed immediately on all beer* containers:
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you
> wondering what the hell happened to your bra.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think
> you are whispering when you are not.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in
> dancing like a retard.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell
> your friends over and over again that you love them.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to
> think you can sing.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to
> believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone
> them at four in the morning.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think
> you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex
without
> spitting.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think
> you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting
> your ass kicked.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll
> over in the morning and see something really scary.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading
> cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead/knees.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the
> illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking
than
> most people.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to
> believe you are invisible.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think
> people are laughing WITH you.
>
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a
> disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem
to
> literally disappear.
>

[Will]

Where has my mind gone? Has anybody seen a partially decayed mind wandering around looking for it's owner?

Please call (999)69-eatme, if found.