Action hero Tournament of Doom

[Mr. Business Lives in a Glass House]

If these 16 met on some sort of island,where only one could survive,who would it be?

1.John McClane-Die Hard
2.Martin Riggs-Lethal Weapon
3.John Matrix-Commando
4.Indiana Jones
5.Capt. Ivan Danko
6.Casey Ryback-Under Siege
7.Robocop-Obvious
8.Joe Hallenbeck-The Last Boy Scout
9.Luc Deveraux-Universal Soldier
10.Snake Plissken-Escape from New York
11.Dutch-Predator
12.Ashley J. Williams-Army Of Darkness
13.John Rambo-Rambo
14.James Bond-007
15.Marion Cobretti-Cobra
16.Leon-The Profesional

Brackets will be as follows:
Bracket 'A'-
1.John Matrix vs 8.Robocop
2.Casey Ryback vs 7.Ash
3.Luc Deverraux vs 6.Marion Cobretti
4.Rambo vs 5.Leon

Bracket 'B'-
1.Indiana Jones vs 8.Martin Riggs
2.James Bond 007 vs 7.Snake Plisskin
3.Joe Hallenbeck vs 6.Capt Ivan Danko
4.Dutch vs 5.John McClane

There was no scientific study done to determine seeding.Therefore,if you think Ash is too low,I don't care.

Anyways,it will be done in a format of 1vs8,2vs7 and so on.The winner will move to the next round.The highest seed will always face the lowest,so if Matrix loses in the first,Ryback will then get the 8.Ya dig?

Now,you don't have to do this all at once,and in fact,I'd rather it ran like the monster battles on the Creature board,meaning by rounds.

Now,anyone wanna take their hand at this?

*Edited for the Dutch

[Anyawatchin Angel]

What rules are they playing by? Are they taken out of their movie and into are reality? Does Neo have his powers in the Matrix or normal human? Any weapons from their movie.

[Mr. Business Lives in a Glass House]

Anyawatchin' no more:
What rules are they playing by? Are they taken out of their movie and into are reality? Does Neo have his powers in the Matrix or normal human? Any weapons from their movie.Anything they used or had in their movie,they have in this tourney.Besides set pieces.

So only weapons and powers they had.

[WickerMan]

Anyawatchin' no more:
What rules are they playing by? Are they taken out of their movie and into are reality? Does Neo have his powers in the Matrix or normal human? Any weapons from their movie.I think including Neo is a mistake.
All the others are 'real' whereas if you allow Neo's Matrix powers into this then no one would be able to beat him.
None of the others would have a clue how to fight against him, plus the fact he can fly.
This would be an interesting battle without him though.

[Mr. Business Lives in a Glass House]

WickerMan:
Anyawatchin' no more:
What rules are they playing by? Are they taken out of their movie and into are reality? Does Neo have his powers in the Matrix or normal human? Any weapons from their movie.I think including Neo is a mistake.
All the others are 'real' whereas if you allow Neo's Matrix powers into this then no one would be able to beat him.
None of the others would have a clue how to fight against him, plus the fact he can fly.
This would be an interesting battle without him though.You're forgetting something.John Matrix is in the tournament.

[WickerMan]

You're Gonna Get The Business:
[/qb]You're forgetting something.John Matrix is in the tournament.</strong>[/QUOTE]

Yeah but if Neo was excluded their would be some pretty mammoth battles.
I just think Neo would walk it, even with JM at his best, Neo can stop bullets for gawds sake.
From the list above he would have no equal.

[Beer Die]

WickerMan:
Originally posted by You're Gonna Get The Business:
<strong> You're forgetting something.John Matrix is in the tournament.Yeah but if Neo was excluded their would be some pretty mammoth battles.
I just think Neo would walk it, even with JM at his best, Neo can stop bullets for gawds sake.
From the list above he would have no equal.Perhaps you are missing the irony of having Neo from the matrix and John MATRIX in the same competition. Also, see Reloaded on the limitations and boundries of Neo's powers inside and outside the Matrix.

[WickerMan]

Beer Die goes on and on
Perhaps you are missing the irony of having Neo from the matrix and John MATRIX in the same competition. Also, see Reloaded on the limitations and boundries of Neo's powers inside and outside the Matrix.[/QB]Where's the <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=irony" target="_blank">irony?</a> in that.
John Matrix is another pumped up hero and Neo is pretty much superman on acid.
And if you used Neo in the 'real' world he'd get his arse whipped by every single one of the guys on the list.

All the other characters are based in a 'real world', i was merely pointing out that if, as someone asked Neo could use his matrix powers then Neo would indeed be the ultimate victor.

[Beer Die]

WickerMan:
Beer Die goes on and on
Perhaps you are missing the irony of having Neo from the matrix and John MATRIX in the same competition. Also, see Reloaded on the limitations and boundries of Neo's powers inside and outside the Matrix.Where's the <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=irony" target="_blank">irony?</a> in that.
John Matrix is another pumped up hero and Neo is pretty much superman on acid.
And if you used Neo in the 'real' world he'd get his arse whipped by every single one of the guys on the list.

All the other characters are based in a 'real world', i was merely pointing out that if, as someone asked Neo could use his matrix powers then Neo would indeed be the ultimate victor.[/QB]Yeah, but his name is Matrix. Matrix for Chraist's sake. It is ironic that he has a name involving Matrix and Neo fights with super powers in the Matrix.

And I am in full agreement that Neo has no place in this battle royal w/ cheese.

[Beer Die]

How about we replace Neo with Dutch from Predator? That seems like a good trade and should make everyone happy.

[Capt. Eucalyptus]

I'd be down with that.

[WickerMan]

Beer Die goes on and on:
How about we replace Neo with Dutch from Predator? That seems like a good trade and should make everyone happy.That would make a greeat deal more sense.
But its not our bag, its up to 'You're Gonna Get The Business'.
then we could get this fight fest up and rolling

[Mr. Business Lives in a Glass House]

Its done.
And since Dutch vs Danko in the first round would be too much,I switched Hallenbeck and Dutch.

Any more suggestions?

[Capt. Eucalyptus]

1.John Matrix vs 8.Robocop

This is indeed a tough call, but given Big T's targeting capability, armor plating, and big ass gun I have ot give it to him.

2.Casey Ryback vs 7.Ash

I love Segal but that chainsaw/boomstick combo would be too much for him.

3.Luc Deverraux vs 6.Marion Cobretti

I haven't seen either of these movies so I'm gonna bet on the Zombie soldier.

4.Rambo vs 5.Leon

No doubt Leon is a badass, but that's nothing against a man that can fire an M-60 from a standing position.

Bracket 'B'-
1.Indiana Jones vs 8.Martin Riggs

Not a fair fight, really. Indy isn't a badass particularly. Riggs is a better shot and he's ex-special forces.

2.James Bond 007 vs 7.Snake Plisskin

Oooooh. Gonna have to go to Bond here. He could beat the snake with nothing but a wristwatch.

3.Joe Hallenbeck vs 6.Capt Ivan Danko

This is a tough call and I give it to JH because I want ot see him make it to round two at least.

4.Dutch vs 5.John McClane

He beat the Predator. 'Nuff said.

[Mr. Business Lives in a Glass House]

Brackets will be as follows:
Bracket 'A'-
1.John Matrix vs 8.Robocop:
Matrix easliy.Robocop may have armor,but Matrix is indestrucible,and doesn't move like my Grandma fucks.

2.Casey Ryback vs 7.Ash:
Fat man with a pony tail,or boomstick?I'll take boomstick.

3.Luc Deverraux vs 6.Marion Cobretti:
Cobra,because his car is badass.And Stallone needs to go to round 2.

4.Rambo vs 5.Leon:
Leon.If he can beat all of the NYPD,he can beat a guy who couldn't destroy Bumsfuckville's police force.

Bracket 'B'-
1.Indiana Jones vs 8.Martin Riggs:
Indy.Data...I mean Shortround,runs Riggs over with his car.

2.James Bond 007 vs 7.Snake Plisskin:
Plisskin.An American badass beats a whiny Brit any day.

3.Joe Hallenbeck vs 6.Capt Ivan Danko:
Hallenbeck.All he does is smoke cigarettes and shoot people.And,he's a good dancer.

4.Dutch vs 5.John McClane:
McClane.Sure,Dutch beat the Predator,but McClane beat Hans Gruber.And he can wear a suit mighty nicely.

[WickerMan]

Bracket 'A'
1.John Matrix vs 8.Robocop
Gonna have to go with the tin man. Even if Matrix gets in close RObo's grip would crush his windpipe, like a dry twig.
Robocop wins

2.Casey Ryback vs 7.Ash
Ash runs out of Ammo and Ryback throws him round like a rag doll toying with the skinny man.
Rybeck wins

3.Luc Deverraux vs 6.Marion Cobretti
With the single minded destruction of the super military machine there can be only one winner.
Deverraux wins

4.Rambo vs 5.Leon
Leon is a master with a rifle but Rambos combat experience and close quarter fighting take it.
Rambo wins

Bracket 'B'
1.Indiana Jones vs 8.Martin Riggs
Jones has survived on adrenalin and luck and he's all out of luck in this mis-match. Riggs headbutts him unconcious before putting him out of his misery with a bullet.

2.James Bond 007 vs 7.Snake Plisskin
Pliskin has the rugged determination but but has years of moves and taking out guys like Jaws under his belt. Pliskin gives Bond a bit of a pasting but turns his back to let bond fly with a swift kick to the gonads.
Bond Wins

3.Joe Hallenbeck vs 6.Capt Ivan Danko
Joe fals to the ground in a drunken state and the big Russian walks over to claim an easy win, just as Joe rolls over revealing a hidden pistol under his jacket and pops Danko through the nose.

4.Dutch vs 5.John McClane
Mclane would be all over the place and he wasnt exactly a sniper shot, arnie would run out of rounds in about 3 seconds so it would decend into a fist fight, of which there would be only one victor.
Dutch wins

[Mr. Business Lives in a Glass House]

WickerMan:
Bracket 'A'
1.John Matrix vs 8.Robocop
Gonna have to go with the tin man. Even if Matrix gets in close RObo's grip would crush his windpipe, like a dry twig.
Robocop wins
John Matrix would rip that tin bitch to pieces.He'll throw a pipe through him if he has to.

[Beer Die]

Brackets will be as follows:
Bracket 'A'-
1.John Matrix vs 8.Robocop
Robocop
Matrix tries to vent some steam from the metal man, but the pipe bends. Robocop pulls out automatic pistol and kills J.Matrix

2.Casey Ryback vs 7.Ash
Ash
Ash gets in close quarters with Ryback, but after a few minutes of eye poking and punches to the gut it's at a stand still. Then, 20 mini Ash's come in and tie down the pony-tailed wonder. Ash wins with a boomstick to Ryback's face.

3.Luc Deverraux vs 6.Marion Cobretti
Luc Deverraux
Cobretti unloads round after round into the cyborg but he just can't stop him. Deverraux wins by blinding Cobretti by doing the splits naked and kicking him off a cliff.

4.Rambo vs 5.Leon
Leon
Rambo should win this easily, but Leon uses Natalie Portman to distract Rambo just long enough to take him out.

Bracket 'B'-
1.Indiana Jones vs 8.Martin Riggs
Indiana
Riggs is easily wiping the floor with Indy after Indy's whip to the nuts pisses him off. But, Indy finds secret lever that lets loose 10,000lb rock that crushes Riggs as Indy bull whips away.

2.James Bond 007 vs 7.Snake Plisskin
Bond
Bond offers Plisskin a martini as a gesture of goodwill. A few rounds later, Plisskin is to hammered to notice the good Brit slip poison into his next drink.

3.Joe Hallenbeck vs 6.Capt Ivan Danko
Hallenbeck
Both out of amunition and wounded from a firefight of anticlimactic purportions, Hallenbeck grabs a large rock and smashes Danko's head repeatedly. Earns art merit badge with mural of Danko's death afterwards.

4.Dutch vs 5.John McClane
Dutch
It's not fair to see McClane go so early, but Dutch is far superior. Dutch covers himself in mud to hide, but McClane starts laughing at him. Dutch releases a giant spiked log on his ass. McClane isn't laughing anymore.

[Capt. Eucalyptus]

B-D even though 2 of your picks were WRONG that post netted you a five!

[Mr. Business Lives in a Glass House]

Damn,I need to rearrange these brackets.The favorites(McClane and Matrix)got bad matchups.

Oh,and I think that the 2 survivors from each bracket should be put into a Final Four type of match.It would just be more fun.

Anyone who thinks Dutch beats McClane is not thinking.

And remember,Matrix could take Robocop out for ice cream,deer feeding,and swimming.And when he sees Matrixes daughter,Robocop will go get his jet pack,and run into a tree.He'll then realize...he has no penis.

And remember,Robocop lost to that damn kid,some shitty Japanese guy,and Red.And you think he can beat JOHN 'I beat an army without reloading or getting shot once' MATRIX?

[Martianman]

Bracket 'A'-
1.John Matrix vs 8.Robocop
Matrix may seem bulletproof, but he ain't. After succumbing to Robo's will, he is thanked for his cooperation.

2.Casey Ryback vs 7.Ash
Ash. Boomstick. 'Nuff Said. Ryback spends too much time trying to figure out whether or not Ash's one-liners are funny or not.

3.Luc Deverraux vs 6.Marion Cobretti
Luc is Cobretti's worst nightmare as he does the Van Damme split, leaving Cobra's jaw on the ground, then does a crotch punch and head butt to seal the deal.

4.Rambo vs 5.Leon
Leon is sneaky, but Rambo can take a lot of punishment, and eventually takes out the Professional. And a whole city block in the process.

Bracket 'B'-
1.Indiana Jones vs 8.Martin Riggs
Somehow, Dr. Jones always finds a way to escape. But not when ex-Special Forces and current psycho Riggs hai-karates his ass back into the snake pit.

2.James Bond 007 vs 7.Snake Plisskin
Plissken takes no shit and doesn't allow Bond to finish any of his witty quips, shooting him as soon as Bond opens his mouth. But Bond plays dead and finishes off Snake with a poison blade from his shoe.

3.Joe Hallenbeck vs 6.Capt Ivan Danko
Hallenbeck knows too many ways to fight dirty for Danko. He offers to split a bottle of vodka with Ivan, then Hallenbeck smashes it over Danko's head and says, "That stuff'll kill you."

4.Dutch vs 5.John McClane
In a rematch of Ah-nuld vs. Bruce Willis, Dutch gets the upper hand by allowing McClane to think he's escaped into the jungle, then he proceeds to blast the shit out of it with every weapon known to man, in turn clearing a site location for the newest WalMart in South America.

[Eric Binford]

Brackets will be as follows:
Bracket 'A'-
1.John Matrix vs 8.Robocop

Matrix nails Robo with a rocket shot, causing systems failure long enough for Matrix to pull the plug on Murphy permanently.

Victor- John Matrix

2.Casey Ryback vs 7.Ash

Ryback doesn't stand a chance. Ash comes out chainsaw swingin'.

Victor- Ash

3.Luc Deverraux vs 6.Marion Cobretti

Luc simply kicks the shit out of Cobretti before he knows what hits him.

Victor- Deverraux

4.Rambo vs 5.Leon

Leon is a slick bastard, but he's no match for the one man army. Bullets fly like pigs but Rambo rises like always.

Victor- Rambo

Bracket 'B'-
1.Indiana Jones vs 8.Martin Riggs

The two stand off. Riggs snaps into a lunatic rage before realizing he doesn't have a weapon on him. Indy shrugs, shoots him and walks away.

Victor- Indy

2.James Bond 007 vs 7.Snake Plisskin

They square off in a surfing contest, but Plisskin doesn't notice Bond has planted a remote mine underneath his board. Ka-plow.

Victor- Bond

3.Joe Hallenbeck vs 6.Capt Ivan Danko

...Draw. (Hey there's gotta be one)

4.Dutch vs 5.John McClane

Dutch has never hunted something like McClane before. John taunts him from the distance before stepping out quickly and blowing him away with an uzi. And McClane does it all barefoot.

Victor- McClane

[Anyawatchin Angel]

Robocop shoulda been booted too cuz he's not human but...
Bracket 'A'-
1.John Matrix vs 8.Robocop
Robots suck, Matrix wins.

2.Casey Ryback vs 7.Ash
Segal and all his characters are pussies, Ash wins

3.Luc Deverraux vs 6.Marion Cobretti
Cobra is the disease this round, Luc finds the cure and wins.

4.Rambo vs 5.Leon
Rambo is as sneaky as Leon. Leon surrenders like the Frenchie he is and Rambo wins. USA! USA! wink

Bracket 'B'-
1.Indiana Jones vs 8.Martin Riggs
Indy always got his ass kicked an got lucky many times. Riggs fights him close and breaks Indy's neck.

2.James Bond 007 vs 7.Snake Plisskin
Bond fighting style never impressed me. Snake takes it easy.

3.Joe Hallenbeck vs 6.Capt Ivan Danko
Hallenbeck is a pussy. All he can do is take a beating. Danko wins

4.Dutch vs 5.John McClane
McClane gets abeating too, but he can actually dish it out. McClane wins/.

[Mr. Business Lives in a Glass House]

I like the way these last 2 think,except for Anyawatchin's take on Joe Hallenbeck.Yea he can take a beating,but he also ended up killing everyone.

[Beer Die]

So, when does round two start?

[Mr. Business Lives in a Glass House]

Beer Die goes on and on:
So, when does round two start?Basically whenever.Take it in any direction you want.I just wanted to see the general direction people would take with this.

[Beer Die]

You're Gonna Get The Business:
Beer Die goes on and on:
So, when does round two start?Basically whenever.Take it in any direction you want.I just wanted to see the general direction people would take with this.Well, I figure it's your gig, so you should decide when round 2 starts. Plus, somebody needs to tally up the victors to figure out who battles in the next round.

Oh, and I know it could get long, but maybe there could be a losers bracket. It could give Matrix and McClane a chance at redemption.

[Mr. Business Lives in a Glass House]

Originally posted by Beer Die goes on and
Oh, and I know it could get long, but maybe there could be a losers bracket. It could give Matrix and McClane a chance at redemption.[/QB]Great idea.Calculating totals now,and will set up the loser bracket along with announcing of first round winners.

[Mr. Business Lives in a Glass House]

Round 1 Results:
Group A
8.Robocop-4 wins 1.Matrix's-3
7.Ash-6 murders 2.Ryback-1
3.Deverraux-6 crushes 6.Cobretti-1
4.Rambo-5 wins 5.Leon-2

Group B
8.Riggs-4 beats 1.Jones-3
2.Bond-5 eats 7.Plisskin-2
3.Hallenbeck-6 wins 6.Danko-2 (Draw gives 1 to each)
4.Dutch-4 over 5.McClane-3

Sets up for round 2
Winners Bracket A:
3.Luc 'not Dolph' Deverraux versus 8.Robocop
4.John Rambo versus 7.Ash

Winners Bracket B:
2.Jimmy Bond against 8.Martin 'Lethal Weapon' Riggs
3.'Shotglass' Joe Hallenbeck against 4.Dutch

Losers Bracket A:
1.John Matrix versus 6.Marion 'Cobra' Cobretti
2.Ryback versus 5.Leon

Losers Bracket B:
1.Indiana Jones against 7.Snake Plisskin
5.John McClane against 6.Capt Ivan Danko

if wanted,this could turn into a double elimination,so that the losers in the Losers Bracket will be dropped,and the losers in the Winners bracket will drop to face each other.The loser there will fall out of the tourney.We can figure that out later if wanted.

[Beer Die]

Man these match-ups are getting tough. Need time to figure out victors.

It is kinda interesting some of the trouncing that happened in the first round. I thought Plisskin would have put up a better fight against Bond. Eh.

[Anyawatchin Angel]

losers bracket is a good idea

Winners Bracket A:
3.Luc 'not Dolph' Deverraux versus 8.Robocop
again fuck robots and their armor. They fight in a swimming pool and Robocp shorts out. Luc wins.

4.John Rambo versus 7.Ash
Ash doesn't have much after the shotgun and chainsaw. Rambo shops S-Mart for a bow and arrow and takes out Ash

Winners Bracket B:
2.Jimmy Bond against 8.Martin 'Lethal Weapon' Riggs
Did anyone actually see Bond fight? think woman. Riggs is all man and bloodies Bond up.

3.'Shotglass' Joe Hallenbeck against 4.Dutch
Hallenbeck must have had his daughter help him last match. Dutch takes it.

Losers Bracket A:
1.John Matrix versus 6.Marion 'Cobra' Cobretti
Cobra can't touch Matrix and he kills him with a toothpick

2.Ryback versus 5.Leon
Segal is still a pussy even a Frencie can beat him. Leon wins when Segal hits on Natalie Portman.

Losers Bracket B:
1.Indiana Jones against 7.Snake Plisskin
Sorry Indy but your a lover not a fighter and Snake isn't a Nazi. Snake wins.

5.John McClane against 6.Capt Ivan Danko
McClane is a true hero and lasso's Danko Roy Rogers style.

[WickerMan]

Beer Die goes on and on:
Man these match-ups are getting tough. Need time to figure out victors.

It is kinda interesting some of the trouncing that happened in the first round. I thought Plisskin would have put up a better fight against Bond. Eh.Yeah but thats the fun and frustration of these things.
I done one in the creature corner and some of the results were amazing to say the least.

[Beer Die]

Here goes

Winners Bracket A:
3.Luc 'not Dolph' Deverraux versus 8.Robocop
Deverraux
Caught out in the jungle, Robo tries to fight Deverraux. Unfortunately the humidity fucks with his already shitty joints and he falls down a revine.

4.John Rambo versus 7.Ash
Rambo
Not even cheesy one liners and bad acting are enough to save Ash this time, as Rambo roles in guns blazing and mows Ash down.

Winners Bracket B:
2.Jimmy Bond against 8.Martin 'Lethal Weapon' Riggs
Bond
Using his superior British special forces training, Bond impersonates a Riggs' new captain. After gaining his trust and confidence in only 30 min, Riggs reveals his master plan. Bond, downs his martini(from the earlier Plisskin match-up) shoots Riggs with his gun under the table and proclaims, "I'm not impreshed."

3.'Shotglass' Joe Hallenbeck against 4.Dutch
Hallenbeck
Dutch, the genious he is, tries to lure Hallenbeck into the same trap as McClane. To bad Hallenbeck sees through it and steps aside as the spiked log crushes mud man.

Losers Bracket A:
1.John Matrix versus 6.Marion 'Cobra' Cobretti
Matrix
Too easy! Cobretti spends night preparing himself for the confrontation, but as Matrix comes up over the hill carrying a rocket launcher on his shoulder Cobra craps his pants. After killing Cobra in a beautiful explosion, Matrix explains to his daughter about the 3 shells.

2.Ryback versus 5.Leon
Leon
Ryback sneaks into an otherwise empty room, but little does he know Leon is hiding in the vent above him. Unleashing a flurry of bullets, Leon takes out Ryback. Thankfully when Leon fell through the ceiling, Ryback's pudgey body cushioned the fall.

Losers Bracket B:
1.Indiana Jones against 7.Snake Plisskin
Plisskin
Indy and Snake duke it out while discussing places not to visit. As Indy discusses the reasons why Germany in 1939 is a bad place to visit, Plisskin pulls out a boot knife and offs the good doctor.

5.John McClane against 6.Capt Ivan Danko
McClane
McClane finds Danko back in his homeland. Barefoot and riding a snowmobile, McClane rides over Danko's house screaming, "Yippie-kay-ya, motherfucker," and drops the bag of C4 he borrowed from an international terrorist group in LA. He speeds off w/1 minute left on the timer. Merry Fucking Christmas, Danko!

[Eric Binford]

Winners Bracket A:

3.Luc Deverraux versus 8.Robocop

Robocop stumbles upon his jetpack, powers back up and flies over Old Detroit, blasting everything in sight. Luc gets caught in the fire.

Victor- Robocop

4.John Rambo versus 7.Ash

First they square off shotgun vs machine gun. Ash runs and hides like a pussy, and realizes his chainsaw's outta juice. He sneaks up behind Rambo and grabs his nuts in the crushing grip of his robot hand.

Victor- Ash

Winners Bracket B:

2.Jimmy Bond against 8.Martin Riggs

Bond is all out of gadgets and his PP7 is out of ammo. He gives Riggs a karate chop, but Marty slaps on the triangle choke and its lights out.

Victor- Riggs

3.Joe Hallenbeck against 4.Dutch

Dutch takes this one easy. He destroys everything in sight.

Victor- Dutch

Losers Bracket A:
1.John Matrix versus 6.Marion 'Cobra' Cobretti

Matrix and Cobra fight tooth and nail on a cliff, until Matrix "lets him go".

Victor - Matrix

2.Ryback versus 5.Leon

Leon leaves strategically placed donuts out in the open and waits for Ryback to dine. One well placed bullet in the back of the fat head ends it.

Victor- Leon

Losers Bracket B:
1.Indiana Jones against 7.Snake Plisskin

You know what they say. Indy HATES snakes. They get into fisticuffs in a crumbling old mine, but Indy swings out safely.

Victor- Indy

5.John McClane against 6.Capt Ivan Danko

McClane runs over Danko going 90 through Central Park.

Victor- McClane

[Beer Die]

Just want to say that reading through this thread, these are some seriously funny posts.

[Disciple]

Proof, if proof be need be need be need be, that Seagal-based humor is best left to the professionals. :D

[Mr. Business Lives in a Glass House]

Winners Bracket A:
3.Luc 'not Dolph' Deverraux versus 8.Robocop
They fight in the Universal Soldier truck-mobile.Robocop takes the early advantage using his body armor and targeting skills.But as they get closer,Luc plugs Robocop into and outlet,and watches him fry.For good measure,a Screamer caps Robocop's knees.
Winner Luc Deverraux

4.John Rambo versus 7.Ash
Ash has his car,and Rambo his tank.They decide to play a game of chicken,and just when they are about to hit each other,Ash's car runs out of gas.Rambo proceeds to run him over.
Winner John Rambo

Winners Bracket B:
2.Jimmy Bond against 8.Martin 'Lethal Weapon' Riggs
Starting with hand-to-hand combat,Riggs beats the holy piss out of 007.As the fight goes on,Bond uses some of his gadgets to turn the tide.It all is for naught,however,when Murtaugh shoots James in the head.
Winner Marin Riggs

3.'Shotglass' Joe Hallenbeck against 4.Dutch
As much as I love the Last Boyscout,I can't see Hallenbeck having a chance.With that said,however,he gets beat just long enough to have his daughter run up to Dutch,asking if he wants to see her puppet.When he takes it,Joe hits him with a bottle of Stoli,pours it out on him,and leaves on of those 'new bullets.The ones that shred' on his unconscious chest
Winner 'Drunken' Joe Hallenbeck

Losers Bracket A:
1.John Matrix versus 6.Marion 'Cobra' Cobretti
Matrix walks up to Cobra,snatches his match stick,and stabs him with it.
Winner John Matrix

2.Ryback versus 5.Leon
Seeing as how Seagal is a fat child molester,Leon uses Portman as bait,and when tubby gets close to her,shoots him in the face.
Winner Leon

Losers Bracket B:
1.Indiana Jones against 7.Snake Plisskin
They decide to have a duel with Bangkok rules.Before Snake can throw the can in the air,Indy ha already shot him and moved into the next round.
Winner Han Solo

5.John McClane against 6.Capt Ivan Danko
They fight in a snowfield.Danko beats him around for awhile,until Jim Belushi wanders in,and,to the shock of many,sgoots Danko and takes his watch back.
Winner John McClane

[Martianman]

Winners Bracket A:
3.Luc 'not Dolph' Deverraux versus 8.Robocop
Both cyborgs wail on each other to a draw, until Luc is thrown through the window of a Home Depot. He comes out with a torque wrench and uncaps Robocop, then smashes his human face in with said wrench.

4.John Rambo versus 7.Ash
Ash is out of ammo and low on gas after the first battle, and Rambo blows him up with an explosive-tipped arrow. But unknown to Rambo, that was Evil Ash, and he reforms himself and brings down an Evil Dead ass-whippin' on JR, all while the real Ash sips a mai-tai from the deck Sam Raimi's yacht.

Winners Bracket B:
2.Jimmy Bond against 8.Martin 'Lethal Weapon' Riggs
Riggs is perplexed in the beginning by all of Bond's gadgets, but then recognizes one that he saw during his black ops tours, the poison knife in the boot (see my previous entry). He fakes out Bond, grabs his shoe, and kills him with his own weapon.

3.'Shotglass' Joe Hallenbeck against 4.Dutch
Hallenbeck can take a beatin', but Dutch can lay out one HELLUVA beatin'. Hallenbeck falls with a broken neck.

Losers Bracket A:
1.John Matrix versus 6.Marion 'Cobra' Cobretti
Cobra is no match for the arsenal that John Matrix has in his busted up Porsche. After Marion unloads his pistol (and misses every shot), Matrix blows him sky high with a well-placed grenade in the shorts.

2.Ryback versus 5.Leon
Ryback almost never talks, so it's hard at first for Leon to find him. So he goes to the nearest buffet, and pops out of the Jello and puts 6 slugs in Ryback.

Losers Bracket B:
1.Indiana Jones against 7.Snake Plisskin
Snake. Indy hates Snake. Both men are slow and methodical, but Indy knows the ins and outs of the ancient pyramid they ended up in, and locks Snake in a room with...poisonous snakes.

5.John McClane against 6.Capt Ivan Danko
McClane frustrates Danko with his witty comments and unorthodox style, to the point that Danko threatens to take himself out if he has to hear that "cowboy saying" again. McClane utters the classic phrase, Danko shoots himself in the head. McClane wins by default.

[Capt. Eucalyptus]

Sets up for round 2
Winners Bracket A:
3.Luc 'not Dolph' Deverraux versus 8.Robocop

The two machines square off for a stare down, sionce conventional weapons would turn this into something of a draw. Weller crushes teh wannabe with his sheer acing prowess.

4.John Rambo versus 7.Ash

Ash unloads his boomstick adn Rambo looks at the flesh wound it caused. "Is dat da best ya kin do?" He whips out a double-barreled rocket launcher adn blows the man into atoms.

Winners Bracket B:
2.Jimmy Bond against 8.Martin 'Lethal Weapon' Riggs

The two men engage in a fifteen minute long martial arts battle resulting in much scenery destruction. Finally the super-spy, tired of it, disintegrates him with a ray beam from his right shoe.

3.'Shotglass' Joe Hallenbeck against 4.Dutch

Oh c'mon like Bruce has a chance.

Losers Bracket A:
1.John Matrix versus 6.Marion 'Cobra' Cobretti

Twin M-16's fired from the hip make short work of Cobra.

2.Ryback versus 5.Leon

With such a big target to shoot at, Leon has no problems dispatching the man.

Losers Bracket B:
1.Indiana Jones against 7.Snake Plisskin

Indy whips Snakes gun away and is about to deliver the coup de grace when Snake pulls his holdout and blows off the professor's fedora along with a good chunk of his head.

5.John McClane against 6.Capt Ivan Danko

Cop against cop, but then John hears the "russian" accent and in a fit of madness unloads two MP5's into the big man while screaming something about shoes.

[Capt. Eucalyptus]

Segal should lose just for all of the fat jokes. :D

[WickerMan]

Round 2
Winners Bracket A:

3.Luc 'not Dolph' Deverraux versus 8.Robocop
After both run out of ammo Deverraux jumps and repeatedly kicks Robo around the head for ten long unrelenting minutes until Robo finally falls down.
But just as Deveraux thinks he's bested the bacofoil-clad dude, Robo's left thigh opens up to reveal a handy jar of baby food.
Robo downs the baby food then pushes the jar through Deverraux's soft squishy face.
Robocop Wins

4.John Rambo versus 7.Ash
Ash jumps straight on Rambo slicing away with his chainsaw. Rambo falls to the floor in pieces, but using just his teeth he opens the top of his hunting knife and proceeds to sew back on all his limbs but there's not enough thread for his left arm, so he uses the bloody limb to pummel Ash senseless
Rambo wins

Winners Bracket B:
2.James Bond versus 8.Martin 'Lethal Weapon' Riggs
Riggsruns all over the place like a deranged monkey, shouting obscenities and Bond and firing 50 rounds from his fourteen round pistol, meanwhile Bond, who's midly amused by this carry-on is sipping a dry Martini while bedding the entire Hawaiian Tropic bikini team.
After exhausting them all, Bond punches a button on the side of his watch and a BMW comes crashing through a conveniently placed window pane crushing Riggs.
Bond wins

3.'Shotglass' Joe Hallenbeck against 4.Dutch
Joe whips out his favourite pistol and starts blazing away at Dutch, but Dutch slips on the baby gattling and slices through Joe's midriff sending Joe's top half sliding to the floor. Joe turns to Dutch and informs him if he does that one more time he'll kill him. Dutch lets rip agian sending bits of Joe in all directions. Dutch then turns and says "He fell to pieces"
Dutch wins

Losers Bracket A:
1.John Matrix versus 6.Marion 'Cobra' Cobretti
Cobretti twiddles his toothpick round his lopsided mouth and takes aim at Matrix who is still trying to attach all his weapons to his body.
"Yoor the deseeze and I'm de cure"
But Matrix spins round
"WRONG"
And lets fly with a multi-barrelled disc-bow which pins Cobretti to the wall before using his head as a CD rack.
Matrix wins

2.Ryback versus 5.Leon
Leon targets the larger than life Aikido practitioner but due to his large size the bullets fail to make an impact. Ryback proceeds to bitch slap Leon with all manner of every day implements until he finally pushes the butt of Leons rifle up his Gaelic behind
Ryback wins

Losers Bracket B:
1.Indiana Jones against 7.Snake Plisskin
Jones taunts Snake at distance with his whip, but Plisskin grabs the end of the whip and yanks Indy to him. They have a quick bout of fisticuffs until Plisskin headbutts Indy then strangles him with his own whip.
Plisskin wins

5.John McClane against 6.Capt Ivan Danko
Danko grapples with McClane tossing him about like a rag doll but McCalen rolls free and pulls a fire hose from its wall mount, he wraps it round an office chair and pushes it at Danko, Danko traps the chair and laughs, just as McClane turns the water on, the pressure whipe the chair round and lops Dankos Russian head from his shoulders.
McClane wins

[Beer Die]

Biddiness, Round 3?

[Chris Myers]

I´m currently terribly laughing.

John Matrix fighting Robocop. I´d pay whatever it takes to see that.

And, anyone got the irony of Neo fighting INSIDE of the Matrix ? Dude, it brings the whole game to another level. Think of it, Neo plugs himself into the Matrix, while John (the) Matrix rams his pipe in Leon. I better stop or anyone might die hard.

[Mr. Business Lives in a Glass House]

Round 2 Results:
Winners Bracket 'A':
3.Deverraux defeats 8.Robocop 4-3
4.Rambo defeats 7.Ash 5.2

Winners Bracket 'B':
8.Riggs scrapes by 2.Bond 4-3
4.Dutch beats 3.Hallenbeck 5-2

Losers Bracket 'A':
1.Matrix annihilates 6.Cobretti 7-0
5.Leon destroys(despite Wicker Man) 2.Ryback 6-1

Losers Bracket 'B':
7.Plisskin escapes 1.Jones 4-3
5.McClane give The Business to 6.Danko 7-0

Eliminated after round 2:Cobretti,Ryback,Jones and Danko

Moving to a Winners-Losers Bracket:Robocop,Ash,Bond and Hallenbeck

Round 3 Matchups:

Winners Bracket 'A':
3.Deverraux versus 4. Rambo

Winners Bracket 'B':
4.Dutch versus 8.Riggs

Losers Bracket 'A':
1.Matrix versus 5.Leon

Losers Bracket 'B':
5.McClane versus 6.Plisskin

Winners-Losers Bracket 'A':
7.Ash versus 8.Robocop

Winners-Losers Bracket 'B':
2.Bond versus 3.Hallenbeck

Here's how it will work:
The Winners Bracket A and B meet in the next round.The winners in Losers Bracket A and B meet in the next round.The losers in WInner Brackets A and B go into an Elimination match.I'll handle the next rounds as they come.

The tournament is set-up correctly,so don't worry about that.To be eliminated,you need 2 losses,and that will hold true all the way to the Finals,where its winner take all.

[Anyawatchin Angel]

Winners Bracket 'A':
3.Deverraux versus 4. Rambo
Rambohas yet to meet a equal and wins handily.

Winners Bracket 'B':
4.Dutch versus 8.Riggs
Tough call but crazy tough beats tough. Riggs wins. plus hes got God on his side with doing that Jesus movie.

Losers Bracket 'A':
1.Matrix versus 5.Leon

And Matrix, he wants to go to Venus
Leaving Leon far behind
Take a balloon and go sailing
While Leon, Leon slowly dies

Matrix is a sick bastard and tortures Leon to death. Matrix wins

Losers Bracket 'B':
5.McClane versus 6.Plisskin
McClane wins

Winners-Losers Bracket 'A':
7.Ash versus 8.Robocop
Ash[B]wins on a short circut.

Winners-Losers Bracket 'B':
2.Bond versus 3.Hallenbeck
Bond may fight like a woman but not a drunken woman. [B]Bond wins.

[Beer Die]

Round 3 Matchups:

Winners Bracket 'A':
3.Deverraux versus 4. Rambo
Rambo
Explosive bow vs. gun toting high kicking cyborg. Deverraux has a rush of consciousness where he begins to regret all his misdeeds as a cybornetic super warrior. Rambo suffers not these things and takes out the large thighed Frenchie.

Winners Bracket 'B':
4.Dutch versus 8.Riggs
Riggs
Murtaugh convinces Riggs to leave the tournament, but Riggs just can't. Riggs, having gained tons of knowledge on the Predator and its previous bester from Murtaugh, knows that Dutch is out of his element in the city. Riggs runs Dutch down on the streets.

Losers Bracket 'A':
1.Matrix versus 5.Leon
Matrix
Leon shoots Matrix several times but his rage cannot be stopped. Matrix grabs Leon and throws him through a wall. As Leon tries to get up, Matrix crashes a helicopter on him. Matrix is miraculously unharmed, and another French citizen is dead.

Losers Bracket 'B':
5.McClane versus 6.Plisskin
McClane
Plisskin comes surffing in on a giant tidal wave, but McClane does him one better by surffing on a dump truck. As Plisskin comes to rest on a beach, McClane and his dump truck come down on top of him. McClane calls his wife to tell her he misses her.

Winners-Losers Bracket 'A':
7.Ash versus 8.Robocop
Robocop
Having slept his way into the future, Ash uses his wheel of death-mobile to take out Robocop. Unfortunately, Robo is not dead but his circuits have been damaged. Thinking he is a plastic surgeon, Robocop shoots off Ash's chin. Ashamed, he shoots himself with the boomstick.

Winners-Losers Bracket 'B':
2.Bond versus 3.Hallenbeck
Bond
In a battle of the drunken heroes, Bond emerges behind the empty bottles of gin and whiskey as Hallenbeck slumps over and chokes on his own vommit.

[Beer Die]

I guess we will never know who truely is the greatest action hero of all time.

For shame.

[Capt. Eucalyptus]

Whoops. Here we go.

Round 3 Matchups:

Winners Bracket 'A':
3.Deverraux versus 4. Rambo

Rambo hoists the rocket launcher to his shoulder and blows that wannabe into large messy pieces.

Winners Bracket 'B':
4.Dutch versus 8.Riggs

As much of a badass as Riggs is, they are matched for skill but the Austrian machine mows him under after a bloody battle.

Losers Bracket 'A':
1.Matrix versus 5.Leon

Fro mthe top of a clock tower, Leon pops John's head off with a well placed .50 cal round.

Losers Bracket 'B':
5.McClane versus 6.Plisskin

Tie. The two men split a case of beer after fighting all day.

Winners-Losers Bracket 'A':
7.Ash versus 8.Robocop

Robocop rips the boomstick out of Ash's hand and drives that spike through his eye and into his brain.

Winners-Losers Bracket 'B':
2.Bond versus 3.Hallenbeck

Once again Bond wins the day as the headlights in his Astin-Martin drop off revealling twin missle lauunchers. He blows Hallenbeck away while fondling a beautiful girl.

[McClennan]

My tuppence.

Round 3 Matchups:

Winners Bracket 'A':
3.Deverraux versus 4. Rambo
Wooden Deverraux finds himself unable to counter Rambo's explosive arrows as the fire burns him.

Winners Bracket 'B':
4.Dutch versus 8.Riggs
Dutch employs a big pair of scissors to get rid of that ridiculous hair style, sending him through to the next round.

Losers Bracket 'A':
1.Matrix versus 5.Leon
Professional hitman makes a mockery of the bumbling giant with a from behind kill.

Losers Bracket 'B':
5.McClane versus 6.Plisskin
Tough battle but McClane is facing a real anti-hero and there's no escape for him.

Winners-Losers Bracket 'A':
7.Ash versus 8.Robocop
Match of the round and as tough as the metal one is he can't travel through time or planes.

Winners-Losers Bracket 'B':
2.Bond versus 3.Hallenbeck
Bond wins as Hallenbeck is a no hoper, whilst the audience snoozes.

[Mr. Business Lives in a Glass House]

Wow...I thought it was a Lost Cause(baby I'ma Loooooooooost)

Round 3 Matchups:

Winners Bracket 'A':
3.Deverraux versus 4. Rambo
They decide to fight in the cave from Rambo III.After a long,drawn out bout of some Stallone-fu,Rambo whips out a blue light.When Luc asks "Watts dat do?",Rambo stabs him in the eye with it and retorts "Turns blue".

Rambo wins

Winners Bracket 'B':
4.Dutch versus 8.Riggs
Tough fought contest as Dutch and Bill Duke take on Riggs and Murtaugh.Dutch gets into a gun fight with Riggs,but after taking one to the shoulder,decides he can't continue.With frightening abandon,Bill picks up his mini-gun,and procedes to reduce Riggs and Murtaugh to lumps of flesh.

Dutch wins.

Losers Bracket 'A':
1.Matrix versus 5.Leon
Fighting in an apartment,Leon decides to pull his fall from the doorway move.When he does it,he thinks hes won,until he sees that his bullets have been deflected by Matrix's massive pecks.Matrix just agitated by the bullets,picks up a TV and throws it through Leon.

Matrix wins

Losers Bracket 'B':
5.McClane versus 6.Plisskin
Fighting in an LA highrise,the 2 combatants try to outsmart the other.Using his superb sneaking skills,McClane gets around to Snake's back,and puts him in a chokehold.Snake tries running into walls to get him off,but McClane's hard Irish head refuses to be denied.Snake gets choked out,and,when unconcious,thrown out a window.

McClane wins

Winners-Losers Bracket 'A':
7.Ash versus 8.Robocop
Ash shoots Robo with the boomstick,but it has no effect.Robo tries spiking him,but Ash blocks with the chainsaw hand.As all seems lost for Ash,he runs away to his car.Using what little gas he has left,he runs over Robo,and chainsaws the shitty robots head off.

Ash wins,cause Robocop 3 sucked,and was the low point in Rip Torn's career

Winners-Losers Bracket 'B':
2.Bond versus 3.Hallenbeck
Instead of fighting,the two decide to have a drinking contest.One in which Bond can't win.

Hallenbeck wins due to blood being 15% alcohol by volume.