BREASTS

[Nick Nunziata]

Folks,

read my new column about breasts, and please use this board as a forum to contribute your own vignettes. Even though the article was mostly humor, do you agree that things need to change?
http://www.chud.com/horror/articles/jan12breasts.htm

[Captain Fantastic]

Nick - you're right and wrong.

There is something amiss in horror movies today when it comes to breasts, but it's not the fact that the films are pandering to the mammaries. No, it's the fact that the breasts remain UNREVEALED!

Of all the mainstream horror films in recent memory, the only one I can remember giving us some real, naked breasts is The Faculty. I watch both Scream movies - where are Neve's or Courtney's nipples? I watch both IKWYDLS movies - where are Hewitt's or Gellar's nipples? HIDDEN!

Dammit, when I plop down my $8 for a horror movie, I expect to see the naked breasts of the woman on the poster - like it was in the old days. That was the deal, you took your girl to a scary movie. If you got lucky, she got scared and snuggled up. If not, you got to see some booby anyway.

But now, mainstream actresses are starring in horror movies, and they can't have their (potentially fantastic) breasts exposed. It's a whole new set of rules. And frankly, the rules suck.

Breasts are great. Breasts in horror movies are fantastic. And naked breasts in horror movies just make Cap a very happy boy.

So there you go. Cap out...

[DJEvil]

Wow, two generals and a captain. Nick are we REALLY gonna take back Cuba?

Boobies are good.

[chenzzo]

What ever happened to the good ole days of Friday the 13th, when every girl but the one that survived til the end got naked at some point in the movie? Them were the days. Oh yeah, Viva la revolution!

[SAHSTAR]

Thoughts on Denise Richard's boobies,for/by everyone who's seen "Wild Things" & had the chance to be treated to these exceptional
parts of female anatomy:Boy...what a flash!!What a shot,how adorable...lovely...well-balanced...enviable...fleshy...libito-rising...nip-winking...eeerr,anyway,Wild Things was a real treat,and not even because of that;clever(though often a long shot...), and well-shot,absolutely nothing to do with the ISNWYDLS(1&2)trash...(no;even Gellar's presence was not enough to save the original...).

------------------
Santoval Atreides

[matt]

I'm getting a little queasy thinking about the topic since reading Maxim magazine yesterday...

Matt

[GhostInTheMachine]

Ahhh, "The Real Swimsuit Issue"...it really is great, but yeah that article on the psycho plastic surgeon was a little gross. Did you read the B-movie list? it is great. Too bad they didn't mention dead alive...

[Darth Bigglesworth]

The reason why you don't have breasts in most horror films today is I think because filmmakers don't wanna fall into the cliche, or be politically incorrect, by having a woman take her clothes off and then get killed. Now I suppose, you could have survivor take her clothes off, but they're usually played by somewhat big names who won't do nudity. Though in some cases they'll be happy to shamelessly tease the audience, like Jennifer Love Hewitt.

[Lupenzo]

I can't believe my first post is going to be on the subject of breasts, but I guess I can consider it as part of the weening process onto the boards...
Anyway I wanted to add two things...
One, you should never underestimate a set of mammaries that have their emoting down so pat that someone in Reno feels that they know him personally. NO small feat!
Secondly I have to say that associating sex and violence can be dangerous, if you are a small child (or have the mentality of same) that has not developed much of a world-view or sense of self. Thus the danger to many zealots....
(I'm really much more PC than I sound... really!)

[Lupenzo]

Sorry to post so soon after my first one but I forgot to mention something. These grim circumstances were foretold in the sequels to "The Howling". In the "Howling 2" (or was it 3?) the background to the end credits was a loop of Cybil Danning (sp?) displaying her orbs to the world.

[Nick Nunziata]

Sewer Chewers arpund the world note:

The fellow who posted above me is a dear longtime friend to most of us CHUD people. Share your most twisted werewolf fantasies with him.

[chenzzo]

"You wanna get her really hot, you gotta try werewolf sex!"

[Nick Nunziata]

Arpund: (verb) To quickly change direction while running and urinating at the same time.

In a sentence: Because of the wild boar, I had to arpund, causing me to both soil my shoes as well as lose my piss-timing.

[Lupenzo]

Yeah, but why does "werewolf sex" end with a stake through the heart? Methinks certain comedy troops have their methods of destruction crossed...

[DJEvil]

The UCB knows what they're doing. Don't question them. Don't cross them. It'd be a real SHAME if something were to happen to you.

[Lupenzo]

As long as they come after me with stakes I should be okay...

[chenzzo]

ya know what, Lupes? I wondered the same thing when I saw that commercial?

[DJEvil]

Just wondering, are you two related?

[Lupenzo]

Nope, we just rhyme. : )

[chenzzo]

"chenzzo" is a bastardized shortening of "Vincenzo", which happens to be my name, in Italian. One of my friends, thought it was cute, and it stuck. And, of course we're not related, I have two "Z"s

sincerely,
your man in amsterdam

[Lupenzo]

Lupenzo is a comic book character I created a while back (a werewolf with multiple personality disorder) and he has served as my alias in almost all my internet communications. Since I am in the Federal Witness Protection program I don't want Don Rigatoni to find out that I live at 5724 E. Piddleton Street, Bent Grass, CT 55555 so I use this alias to keep that a secret...

[Nick Nunziata]

Lupenzo is actually a true werewolf who was frozen many years ago, except for his hand, which dangled out of the block of ice aging while the rest maintained factory freshness.

[DJEvil]

Yeah, I think I went to high school with that guy...