Nicky's Shrinking Pants Bulge [Archive]

Nick Nunziata

02-03-2008, 03:30 PM

http://chud.com/articles/articles/13490/1/NICK039Y-SHRINKING-PANTS-BULGE-15/Page1.html

Rene (Mr.Eko)

02-03-2008, 03:43 PM

Fantastic column as always Nick!

Tati

02-03-2008, 03:43 PM

If you own this book you need to kill yourself. Kill yourself. Not seek therapy. Kill yourself. Not experience a family intervention. Kill yourself. You need to find a way to remove your body from the world. Kill yourself. God will not help you. Kill yourself. Satan will not help you. Kill yourself. You are a lost person. Kill yourself. There is no room for you in this realm.

Gold.

Nick Nunziata

02-03-2008, 03:49 PM

And then I offer a link to purchase it.

Hundred

02-03-2008, 03:56 PM

Buy a bunch of these and play Nerf Bukkake!

I will.

Dross

02-03-2008, 04:24 PM

Besides the typo in the title, pure gold.

Renn Brown

02-03-2008, 04:27 PM

Goddamn, back with a vengeance this one is. This has too many lines to quote - fanfuckingtastic.

Daughters

02-04-2008, 08:27 AM

"I wish I never ever turned around."

Thanks for the weird looks I got in class.

stelios

02-04-2008, 09:14 AM

The Hands Across America part had me laughing so loud everyone noticed I was only pretending to work. Shame on you Nick.

James Kimbell

02-04-2008, 09:15 AM

Yeah, the handpillows segment was by far the best this week, Nick.

LisaNY

02-04-2008, 09:25 AM

MATHESON!

Hey, look, you're the one who said not to post that other name...

"I wish I'd never turned around" and "Hands Across America" are gold.

Nick Nunziata

02-04-2008, 10:08 AM

You guys rock.

Jake

02-04-2008, 10:12 AM

Stuffed Pussy Toddler Igloo was frighteningly hilarious, as was Nerf Bukkake. Good stuff, sir.

Paul755

02-04-2008, 10:18 AM

great stuff as always. those hands are indeed creepy.

Rocha70

02-04-2008, 11:16 AM

My favorite part was

They can build a tree house using only feathers and ejaculate. Do you understand what that means? I didn't even mention a tree as one of the ingredients they need to make a tree house!

Started to tear up at that one. :)

Disciple_72

02-04-2008, 12:12 PM

the optional USB/hydraulic pump remote web access part is my favorite, but as usual the whole damn thing is genius.

Nick Nunziata

02-21-2008, 01:55 PM

http://chud.com/articles/articles/13738/1/NICK039Y-SHRINKING-PANTS-BULGE-16/Page1.html

billylove

02-21-2008, 02:00 PM

I feel like that kid with the hair piece will fire me with a dramatic hand gesture.

LisaNY

02-21-2008, 02:56 PM

This is so twisted, but I had a different version of the Lumberjack/Wolf toy when I was little. It was Little Red Riding Hood on one end, with a big long skirt. If you flipped the skirt up over her head and turned the doll upside down, it was the Big Bad Wolf in the grandmother's nightgown and bonnet. I'm suddenly having flashbacks to what was a really creepy toy that I'd forgotten about till now - hey, thanks for the renewed trauma, Nick.

:D

Nick Nunziata

04-13-2008, 08:20 PM

http://chud.com/articles/articles/14353/1/NICKY039S-SHRINKING-PANTS-BULGE-17/Page1.html

Xagarath Ankor

04-13-2008, 08:47 PM

Dax

04-14-2008, 01:27 AM

* Big John's speeds include: "You Back There, Tiger?", "O.K. Corral", "Westworld Happens!", and ""Dale Earnhardt Just Died!".

Holy fuck, I just woke up my entire neighborhood. Good God, you magnificent bastard.

LisaNY

04-14-2008, 09:37 AM

Mind you, Big John has dark hair and wears a moustache
Aww, then I don't want it.

stelios

04-14-2008, 09:41 AM

"Mustache rides for everyone!"

Lisa, you're out of your mind.

billylove

04-14-2008, 10:15 AM

The talkbacks went ape over the hunter comment. Good stuff as always Nick.

Paul755

04-14-2008, 10:22 AM

Joss Ackland does not approve of these figures.
Awesome

Nick Nunziata

05-18-2008, 09:18 AM

http://chud.com/articles/articles/14760/1/NICKY039S-SHRINKING-PANTS-BULGE-18/Page1.html

Adam N

05-18-2008, 10:03 AM

The one about the back scratcher fucking killed me.

Jake

05-18-2008, 10:13 AM

It is unwise to rip these off dramatically to prove a point unless part of the point involves your skin pulsing on the countertop.

Hilarity.

Reasor

05-18-2008, 10:26 AM

I am SO getting the spectacle piercings.

Renn Brown

05-18-2008, 11:14 AM

Women seeking to abolish the hair atop their Venus Mound, may we suggest the WOMANGROOMER?

Nice.

Yabanjin

05-18-2008, 11:46 AM

>They have salad flavored water. Bottled by Coca-Cola.

That's nothing compared to last years "Cucumber Pepsi"

http://www.imagepup.com/up/CfHA_1211125481_pepsi.png

The scary thing is..it tasted like cucumber...

Nick Nunziata

05-18-2008, 02:23 PM

All sales of mangroomer through the amazon link are appreciated.

LisaNY

05-18-2008, 03:39 PM

Mangroomer? Pussies. Try ripping your hair out right by the roots with an Epilady. "The hair won't grow back!" Of course the hair won't grow back - hair can't grow back through scar tissue.

Reasor

05-18-2008, 03:48 PM

Mangroomer? Pussies. Try ripping your hair out right by the roots with an Epilady.

As moved as I am by the thoughtful invitation, I believe I'll be Mangrooming. Thanks, though.

Nick Nunziata

05-18-2008, 08:15 PM

Mangroomer? Pussies. Try ripping your hair out right by the roots with an Epilady. "The hair won't grow back!" Of course the hair won't grow back - hair can't grow back through scar tissue.

Elias Koteas is on his way.

Nexus-7

05-19-2008, 01:11 AM

I totally thought of that glasses idea like 15 years ago.

It was dumb then and it's dumb now, but I still want my cut.

Jonathan

05-19-2008, 01:22 AM

'Industrious ladies will attach these to their clitoris hood backwards to make gynecological exams more efficient.'

Glorious.

Nick Nunziata

05-19-2008, 02:03 PM

Don't let this disappear underneath a cloud of Indy!

Lucidz

05-19-2008, 02:11 PM

This was funny Nick. Dare I say stick to these instead of comics?

Nick Nunziata

05-19-2008, 02:14 PM

I do both.

dontEATnachos

05-19-2008, 02:15 PM

It really takes the screen cap from the Grizzly Park thread to reinforce how much use Nick's MANGROOMER really sees.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v216/AndersonVision/GRIZZLYPARKCHUD.jpg

Lucidz

05-19-2008, 02:25 PM

Holy Ish! Is that really nick? Why do all internet movie website guys look like that!

Nick Nunziata

05-21-2008, 10:44 AM

That's two years ago. I look much hairier now. So there.

Nick Nunziata

05-21-2008, 10:46 AM

http://a876.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/11/l_730974d369b91d9fee8369a21dba4bab.jpg

billylove

05-21-2008, 01:23 PM

You should trim before it body snatches your daughter.

EdHocken

05-21-2008, 02:26 PM

It looks like knockoff Paul Gleason is giving Nick "Holy shit! He's gone Jesus!" Nunziata the stink eye.

dontEATnachos

05-21-2008, 02:34 PM

I prefer the kid on the right who is jamming a foam tomahawk into his face.

Lucidz

05-21-2008, 03:06 PM

Kill It! Kill It With Fire!

Nick Nunziata

06-03-2008, 11:46 AM

http://chud.com/articles/articles/14981/1/NICKY039S-SHRINKING-PANTS-BULGE-19/Page1.html

C.Swicegood

06-03-2008, 11:55 AM

Should I surprise my wife with a pube color (on myself, of course) for our anniversary?

It's tempting....

Trejo

06-03-2008, 12:00 PM

Eventually, the pink dick that put mine to shame went home inside my tripod dog's Earth suit and not a moment too soon.

Is the most wonderful sentence to ever grace these eyes.

Goddamn hilarious Pants Bulge entry this week Nick, really outdone yourself. Normally I'd mention a few really funny parts about now, but the whole thing was pure bliss. Great read!

Jake

06-03-2008, 12:23 PM

Can't breathe...Hotdoll portion so fucking terribly hilarious...

stelios

06-03-2008, 12:44 PM

At some point you have to clean this thing. No one talks about that do they? "What did you do this morning, Martin?" "I cleaned my dog's jack off the fuckmannequin I bought him online." "We're ex-friends, Martin.".

Priceless. You've outdone yourself this time Mr.Nicky baby.

Chris Miller

06-03-2008, 01:19 PM

I swear the part about your 3 legged dogs over-extended lipstick tube made me want to alternately throw up, or fall out of my chair laughing. Good show.

Wadeisdead

06-03-2008, 01:33 PM

One can only assume that in the religious store that sells blinds that there is a stumbling block section before it.

Kovacs

06-03-2008, 02:19 PM

The fuckmannequin one is easily the best, but "Charcoaly Holemine" made me weep with joy like an old man getting a natural erection.

alobek

06-03-2008, 02:28 PM

I love this column, and this Pants Bulge is one the funniest things I've read on the site ever. Great job.

Paul755

06-03-2008, 02:33 PM

Fantastic...so much so I almost choked on my pretzels.

Nick Nunziata

06-03-2008, 02:35 PM

I appreciate your likings!

billylove

06-03-2008, 02:46 PM

So funny. I had a mini Schnauzer that would hump our one eyed cat.

The cat would take it from the Schnauzer with snaggle teeth and no penis. The Schnauzer was a bitch, a fixed and old senile dog with nothing greater in life but to eat and simul-hump our one eyed cat.

I think the cat liked it because it would make this weird cat noise and not go ape shit during the happenings at hand.

Patrick Ripoll

06-03-2008, 03:33 PM

I'm flattered, Nick, but I prefer my robotic fuck slaves to have facial features. Much easier to pretend they're weeping.

Nick Nunziata

06-03-2008, 03:39 PM

Damn You!

LisaNY

06-04-2008, 09:32 AM

THAT was priceless.

And let me just say on behalf of the ladies that the "hole in the ground" urinals suck. They had those things in Korea when I was there - public restrooms consisted of a row of those, and one "American" toilet at the far end. I would line up everytime and just "do the dance" waiting for the American toilet to free up.

I think I should update my OkCupid profile to say, "I like it when a man proves his love by 'Bettying' himself up for me by the third date. Sky blue, please."

Nick Nunziata

08-13-2008, 04:45 PM

http://chud.com/articles/articles/15922/1/NICKY039S-SHRINKING-PANTS-BULGE-20/Page1.html

Tati

08-13-2008, 04:50 PM

Awesome. Just awesome.
Get on board with the Lord is one of the funniest things i've seen.

Mattimus

08-13-2008, 05:12 PM

I'm glad to see a new edition of the Shrinking Pants Bulge. Clicking the purchase link for the Village People costume was both terrifying and oddly enjoyable at the same time.

Jason P. Thompson

08-13-2008, 05:13 PM

Any Cthulhu reference is a good in my book. Nice grab.

Paul755

08-13-2008, 05:17 PM

Turd Twister...FANTASTIC

Van Read

08-13-2008, 07:52 PM

Unicorns always seem to win the Gallup Poll.

Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooo.

I love ya Nick, but that one hurt my kids.

Nick Nunziata

08-13-2008, 09:55 PM

Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooo.

I love ya Nick, but that one hurt my kids.

Proud to hurt your kids.

Renn Brown

08-14-2008, 01:29 AM

Fantastic, per usual.

Nick Nunziata

08-15-2008, 09:20 AM

More?

Misfit

08-15-2008, 10:01 AM

Nick, I have been a supporter of the site and a friend of yours for many years. However, this column put the image of Anne Rice's downstairs into my brain.

This is why Lex Luthor turned against Superman in the old continuity, you know.

Also, the link to buy the Village People costume is greatness.

Mattimus

08-15-2008, 01:02 PM

More?

Fuck yes, please.

Renn Brown

08-16-2008, 04:20 AM

More?

I demand it.

Nick Nunziata

08-18-2008, 11:50 AM

I meant, MORE COMMENTS. These take forever to do. Want to make sure I'm using my time well.

dontEATnachos

08-18-2008, 11:58 AM

Archie McPhee (http://www.mcphee.com/) also has the unicorns (althought the first time I saw them was at a Pop Deluxe). Still, I'm glad to see the unicorn toys getting some attention (especially since my avatar is from the Cold War Unicorns (http://www.mcphee.com/items/11674.html)). There is also a Good vs. Evil unicorn set (http://www.mcphee.com/items/11649.html) as well.

Honestly at this point though, I'm more interested in Bacon Bandages (http://www.mcphee.com/items/11476.html):

http://www.mcphee.com/pixlarge/11476.jpg (http://www.mcphee.com/items/11476.html)