5.14.03
By Smilin’ Jack Ruby

The first time I saw The Matrix Reloaded, I walked out of the screening like, “Huh?” and called it the “weirdest Battlestar Galactica episode ever.” I thought there were long sequences of philosophizing, bits of pacing that sucked ass, and then stuff that didn’t work at all – though the visuals were astounding, the fights were pretty bad-ass, and I loved where the movie ended up going by the end. The next day, I chatted with a number of press folks who had similar feelings. A lot of folks just flat out hated the movie and didn’t get into it at all. The junket was an odd thing and though I knew the movie was certainly a pretty damn great pic, I wasn’t totally on board and absolutely loving the thing the way I did the first movie. If I had reviewed it the next day, rationally thinking, the most I would’ve given it was a 7.75.

But then I saw it again and all of that left. Shockingly, I had zero problems with the movie the second time, was really into it, and loved the thing. It was the exact same movie, naturally, but with different expectations, I suddenly didn’t hate the thing. Bizarre, eh?

Anyway, everyone is now online trashing the movie with the kind of spite usually reserved for a Star Wars movie – as if it’s the “in” thing to do to dump on this movie because expectations couldn’t have been higher and the movie was nothing what people expected it to be. I think it’s sad (like the other day when somebody told me that Hulk was long, boring and didn’t go anywhere because it focused on the drama – something I keep hearing – and wasn’t the X2 or Spider-Man that Universal wanted and the execs there are freakin’), but oh, well. I have a movie now that I loved on a second viewing and, frankly, I don’t care if everyone else in the fucking world hated it, I enjoyed it and that’s why I go to the movies. I’m a fan of Death to Smoochy (which the world hates) and Down With Love (which even my girlfriend hates) and just got to weather people walking up to me saying that Identity sucked and that people boo-ed in the screening they saw. Oh, well – fuck it. The Matrix Reloaded fucking rocks the casbah, it’s an amazing bit of filmmaking and, like The Prisoner, is a mindfuck that has you talking about the movie (and thinking about it) for weeks. I’ll be seeing the movie again in the theater and can’t wait for Revolutions.

When we last saw Neo (Keanu Reeves), he had fully realized just the extent of his powers within the matrix and was setting about to go into the real world to free a bunch more minds. Cut to six months later. Neo is having trouble sleeping – having dreams of his girlfriend Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss) being killed by villainous agents – and something troubling is afoot. Turns out, in fact (if you’ve seen Final Flight of the Osiris, you’re a few steps ahead), that the machines are drilling towards Zion with 250,000 sentinels in tow to completely wipe out the remaining human beings. There are two minds of what to do about the machines – the Zion military leader Commander Lock (Harry J. Lennix) who believes the humans must unite their hoverships and fight the machines and Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne), who believes that everything will be fine as all the prophecies revolving around Neo as “the One” have thus been proved true. He tells the people of Zion that there’s nothing to worry about and they tend to believe him.

But not all is well in the Matrix. The Oracle (Gloria Foster) hasn’t been heard from in awhile and Neo is beginning to worry. And then there’s the pesky Agent Smith (Hugo Weaving) who is acting all bat-shit. He’s no longer an agent and has a number of new and unusual powers that include massive replication (as well as a few other tricks). For some reason, Smith is no longer an Agent, but has more or less gone rogue and decided to just fuck shit up (which includes Neo). In the biggest fight of the movie (which intercuts real stuntmen with CG stuntmen – and it shows, one of the only bad things about the film), Neo has to fight multiple Agent Smith’s in what could only be considered a relentless, no hold’s barred bit of martial arts. It’s quite something and Neo’s “solution” is something that would’ve made Spock proud (whereas X2 has a spiritual cousin in Star Trek II [with everything from the score to the bookending with a book], Reloaded is Evil Dead II to The Matrix’s Evil Dead).

When Neo finally does find the Oracle, she sends him on a quest through the matrix after the Keymaker (Randall Duk Kim – who is great here) in order to get Neo close to whatever The Source is, the thing Neo, Morpheus and the others believe will allow the humans to conquer the machines once and for all.

To really say anything more would be criminal.

There are fantastic technical sequences in this movie like we haven’t seen since Star Wars. This movie is a major leap forward in effects and it’s pretty damn beautiful at times, particularly with the blend of miniatures and special effects that make up Zion. My jaw was on the floor in the docking sequence when the Nebuchadnezzer came home for the first time in the film. To me, it was like the great undocking and docking bits from the Star Trek films – particularly the amazing “getting under way” sequence in Wrath of Khan (blended with the perfect score) and then the solemn, returning-to-dock sequence in Search for Spock. I just was really into it and thought it looked beautiful.

On top of that, the production design and costumes are fantastic (Monica Bellucci looks just absolutely stunning). There’s such attention to detail in this movie that’s it’s insane. The “twins” (Adrian and Neil Rayment) are pretty amazing, too, not only in their look, but also in conception. I thought they were so much fun and great to see.

But all that says nothing of the plot. The final ten minutes of the film – the bit with the Architect in particular – are unbelievable (though the actual cliffhanger is kind of “TV”) in what they assert about the Matrix and what it’s all about. As a HUGE fan of The Prisoner, I don’t want to say much more than, yes, it’s an amazing pay-off and changes every single thing you think you know about the movies. It’s a bitch to get your head around (well, sort of) and even if you think you watched the movie through the first time and see where everything fits together, well…when I saw it a second time, I noticed many, many subtle bits – particularly spoken by the Merovingian – that made sense the first time, but had a double meaning the second time around.

At the end of the day, you’re either on board with this film or not after you catch it a couple of times. It looks like The Matrix backlash is in full swing and as much as you don’t want such a thing to happen, OF COURSE it was going to. Oh, well.

Still, I loved it, had a great experience with it and can’t wait to see it again (and see Matrix Revolutions).

BUY IT AT AMAZON: CLICK HERE!
STUDIO: Universal
MSRP: $24.99
RATED: PG
RUNNING TIME: 114 Minutes
SPECIAL FEATURES:
• Commentary by Ridley Scott
• Director’s cut, restored version with Jerry Goldsmith’s score
• Original U.S. theatrical version with Tangerine Dream score
• Creating a Myth: The Making of Legend
• Storyboards
• The Fairy Dance, music and storyboards depicting the lost scene
• Original screenplay
• Isolated music score by Tangerine Dream
• Music video – "Is Your Love Strong Enough" by Bryan Ferry

A
proper version… Hell, ANY VERSION of Ridley
Scott’s Legend has been one of
this merry format’s biggest M.I.A. titles. Announced,
then cancelled, re-announced and then bumped
back… the Tom Cruise fantasy/fairy tale has
finally arrived in one of Universal’s snazzy
"Ultimate Edition" packages.

Keith Richards at age 194 ruminates
on how he and the cockroach are the only living
things on Earth after the nuclear war of 2021
did the last bit of damage the Rolling Stones
"Steel Wheels ’04" didn’t.

I
remember being colossally jazzed about this
film when it first hit theaters and then being
almost as colossally disappointed with the end
result. However, the more fan clamoring for
this DVD I hear the more excited I got about
the release I got.

Was
I right the first time, or is Legend
a forgotten classic? You see, Scott has included
TWO versions of the film. Let’s see…

Tom Cruise (shown actual size).

The
Flick

The
name Ridley Scott on a film instantly makes
it something to look for. Even his misfires
are interesting and gorgeous to look at. In
fact, his White Squall is a film
I hope someday emerges to people as a really
solid little sleeper. Regardless, a resume including
Blade Runner, Alien,
Gladiator, and Thelma and
Louise to only name a few, is prolific.

"You tell Mr. Weinstein
I ain’t giving up my post without a fight!"

In
the 80’s Ridley took what was at the time a
hefty budget, who at the time was a virtual
unknown, and what was at the time a dead end
genre and weaved his wizardry on it. He told
a tale of imps and unicorns, demons and fairies,
and did it all around the concept of love.

Today,
a film like that would probably find its market
without a hitch.

Back
them, it was tantamount to cinematic suicide.

Good God, the years have been
unkind to Debra Winger.

The
foul being known as Darkness (Tim Curry, under
more makeup than the wives of any four televangelists)
craves a horn. Not just any horn, but the horn
of a pure unicorn. With such a tool he could
banish the light forever and bring about a new
dawn of darkness (not unlike if Coca-Cola absorbed
a few more big companies).

When
pithy humans (Mia Sara and then unknown Tom
Cruise) accidentally allow such a horn theft
to occur, the magic of the forest is disrupted
and Hell literally breaks loose.

What
follows is fairy tale complete with point eared
elfin kids, pig faced halflings, and an armor
laden Cruise trying to make things right with
his sword.

Lucien reacts in the only way
he knows as Tinkerbell reveals herself to be
a Candiru in disguise.

I
think the concept works better than the execution.

Scott
chose to create an amazing forest environment
mostly within the confines of a studio and the
result is astonishing in way of set design and
craftsmanship… but the film feels very synthetic.

…and
slow.

"We’ve come a long way since
that sex show in Tijuana, eh Smoky?"

It’s
as pretty as a fairy tale, but it really lacks
warmth. Instead of the warmth and wide eyed
wonder prevalent in most fairy tales, it’s cold
and barren. Stiff, even.

None
of Tom Cruise’s patented charm is evident in
his role as the feral jungle protector Jack.
Mia Sara’s vacant stare isn’t enough to tide
us over until the later scenes where she’s a
sexy leather-clad seductress. The assortment
of "little people" under heavy make-up
(by Rob Bottin!) don’t help, because while the
work isn’t bad, it wiggles too much and took
me right out of the picture. Nothing like gones
with wobbly noses!

If
this was a collection of still images, it would
have worked better…

Except
for Darkness.

By taking this screen capture,
I am officially 51% gay.

There
has never been a cooler, more devilish looking
villain ever. Even with CGI being as flexible
as it is, I’ll still take this fella over
LOTR‘s Balrog.

Tim
Curry (complete with a voice effect not unlike
Hellraiser‘s Pinhead), laden
with more rubber and plastic than the Dallas
Cowboys cheerleaders delivers a really solid
performance even though there’s not an inch
of the actor visible. While the creation suffers
during the action sequences (wobbly horns, and
the fact Curry isn’t the most impressive athlete
even when NOT covered in tons of prosthetics),
it remains the most identifiable aspect of the
film.

There’s
nothing like a muscular, cloven hoofed, 12 foot
tall red being with horns that seem long enough
to make John Holmes (rest his soul) envious.

Mild mannered Athok waits for
the opportunity to shed his disguise and roam
the world as the legendary actor George Dzundza.

Before
Michael Bay and his ilk infiltrated Hollywood,
there was Ridley Scott. While he unloaded his
share of classics, sometimes he was a victim
of the "style over substance" school
of directing and nowhere is that more evident
than in Legend.

Thanks to a move he learned from
Battle Arena Toshinden Cruise
deftly avoids another gay accusation, especially
amazing considering the Versace chainmail he
sported.

A
pretty, but hollow fairy tale of a movie with
a few phenomenal bits of invention that still
remain cool almost two decades later.

After the latest Neilsen ratings
the producer of Oprah relaxed,
his work done.

6.0
out of 10

The
Look

"You know, Darkness… you
really ought to give Reese Witherspoon her chin
back."

As
I said above, there are TWO versions of the
film in this DVD package. I’ll go into differences
in a few, but since the director’s 114 minute
cut is on the main disc while the 90 minute
cut is lumped with the special features you’ll
get a clue.

The
longer version is superior in every way as far
as presentation goes. That’s a change of pace,
because usually the director’s cuts feature
rough footage.

Not
the case this time, as the longer version is
crystal clear and sharp as a busload of TAG
students and while it’s a film that doesn’t
feature much light in it (the whole second half
is pretty much plunged in darkness), the transfer
isn’t murky or hard to discern.

Very
nice. The 90 minute cut is decent, but not what
you’d show to a roomful of guests in the home
theater.

8.5
out of 10

The
Noise

Once
again, the long cut gets a sexy bit of DTS and
5.1 while the lesser cut is given a humdrum
2.0 track.

To
be honest, whether you dig the Goldsmith score
or the Tangerine Dream one… it’s not as bombastic
or rich as you’d expect.

A
film as striking visually as this… really
a music video as far as how its look goes, you’d
expect a similar sonic assault.

Nope.
Decent, but unremarkable.

6.5
out of 10

The
Goodies

This
thing’s not called an ULTIMATE EDITION for its
health.

It’s
stacked.

First,
factor in the short (but still slow moving)
90 minute cut and the presence of the better
(the new scenes don’t add much but help give
the film a little muscle, and the restored Jerry
Goldsmith score OBLITERATES the dated one from
Tangerine Dream) cut in addition is almost enough…

But
there’s so much more.

Ridley
Scott has provided a scene specific commentary
track (with chapter stops, a trend that’s really
coming into its own) and while he’s always a
great host… you kind of get the vibe that
the film was more like a thing he had to get
out of his system rather than a labor of love.

Of
course, he’s on top of the world now and looking
back probably seems like looking at missed opportunities
and whatnot. Regardless, it’s a good track and
all directors who think they’re above commentary
tracks ought to see Ridley’s dedication.

Good
stuff, and he also covers the divergence in
cuts really well.

There’s
a nice long documentary on the film which covers
the whole shebang (including the fire that destroyed
their sets), and features everyone but Tom Cruise
(but Billy Barty was there!). Solid stuff, and
there’s literally HOURS more.

Alternate
opening (decent), lost scenes, storyboards,
pictures, and on and on and on.

LOADED.
If you even KIND OF like this film, this disc
is must buy stuff. The special features bring
this review up a full point on their own merits.

10
out of 10

The
Artwork

Good
stuff, even though the "Ultimate"
packaging doesn’t snap close or have a fastener
to keep the front flap from staying open unless
it’s filed in a collection.
And as much as I like the clear packaging, it
detracts a little for this film.

Still
the cover of the film’s villain holding the
crystall ball with the lovers image encased
is truly top notch.

It
could have been perfect, but as it stands it’s
a…

8.5
out of 10

Overall: 7.1 out of 10

STUDIO: Media Asia
MSRP: $21.99
RATED: R
RUNNING TIME: 99 Minutes
SPECIAL FEATURES:
• Two versions of the film
• Cast and Crew commentary
• Five making-of documentaries
• Behind the Scenes featurette
• Trailers and sneak previews
• Music video
• Kelly Chen

‘Okay, so which one of you has my copy of Naked Killer II?’

The Flick

Infernal Affairs begins showing the early lives of two different men; Yan (Tony Leung Chiu-wai), who is thrown out of the Police training camp under false pretences so he can go undercover, and Lau (Andy Lau), a cop who was as a youngster part of an illegal crime syndicate. In present day, Yan is deeply involved in a drug ring run by Sam (Eric Tsang), acting as one of them while reporting to the only man who knows his identity, Superintendent Wong (the prolific Anthony Wong). Being undercover for ten years, Yan is frustrated at having to live a criminal’s life, being harassed by either cops or fellow drug runners, and is getting desperate. As is Wong, who is determined to bust Sam, and put him behind bars for good.

Hong Kong, 1986. The last recorded moment when someone actually laughed at an Eddie Murphy movie.

It’s fair to say that Hong Kong movies in general are seen (unfairly, I might add) by many as just being high-octane actioners (surely underestimating the dramatic value of movies by directors such as Woo and Johnnie To), but if you want to present to someone an example of an antithesis to that, Infernal Affairs is one of the best. Scripted by Alan Mak and Felix Chong, Infernal Affairs is an incredibly well-executed thriller, the likes of which I haven’t seen in America in a long time, although ironically Warner Bros have bought the remake rights, which pretty much proves we’re still going the wrong way over here.

‘What do you mean you’re totally out of Crocodile II: Death Roll!?!’

It’s obvious from the first moments of the film that the emphasis has been placed directly on character development, as we are shown the differing fates of these two policemen. But as it kicks into present day, we begin to see what a really well written movie this is. The lives of Yan and Lau intertwine superbly, with Lau’s descent from who we think is a great and successful cop to a man whose life has seemingly been built on betrayal. The tension displayed in the script and direction is, to give a cliché, nailbiting, with the film keeping you on your toes as to whether Lau will discover Yan’s secret, and reveal him to the cartel.

‘…and this is for Attack of the Clones!’

The film is clearly about opposites, and the way people’s lives work out, with the film dominated by these two men. Yan, who has worked tirelessly in an incredibly dangerous environment to do the job that he has dedicated his life to, becoming desperate and disparaged, while Lau, essentially a spy, has risen through the ranks and is seen as living a perfect life. Along with this it presents Wong and Sam, both desperate to beat each other first in a mindgame which is best presented in a scene in the police station, where the two are placed opposite each other at a table, both unable to do anything but still psychologically battling to get the upper hand.

‘Oh shit! I thought Gojira had been deported!’

Of course, even the best script can fall apart with the wrong actors, so it’s fitting that such a great piece should get some absolutely outstanding talent. And fitting that it should star Tony Leung, who is fast becoming one of my favourite actors. Best known in the States for his roles in Hard-Boiled and Wong Kar-Wai’s In the Mood for Love, Leung’s performance is, while not at all wanting to undervalue any of the other actors, possibly the centrepiece of the film. His vision of a man under enormous pressure in the face of danger is breathtaking, and incredibly emotional, as we see a man whose life is based on paranoia and fear, and Leung plays it incredibly. He also has amazing chemistry with the other actors, bringing across a sense of true loyalty with his ‘boss’, Sam, while on the other hand showing his frustration of the situation, yet pure trust to the excellent and omnipresent Anthony Wong. Andy Lau’s performance is also fantastic, and makes me wish I had seen more films of his.

The perfect church to bash your bishop in.

If anything, I wish there was a little more depth in the female performances in the film. While the amazingly beautiful Kelly Chen does a decent job as Yan’s psychiatrist, and Sammi Cheng as Lau’s wife, I feel there could have been deeper emphasis placed on their relationships. However, it’s a small price to pay for what overall is a fantastic thriller, expertly written and directed, thoughtful, tense, and a fascinating study of fate and character. Just brilliant.

Roughly translated: ‘There’s coleslaw in the fridge, and G.W. Bailey’s head is in the oven.’

The Look

The aftermath of driving under the influence of Colin Farrell.

The Noise

‘Now, tell me who was really the best Ninja Turtle.’

The Goodies

Infernal Affairs comes in a two-disc set, which is, to put it bluntly, stacked in the extras department. On disc one we have two different versions of the film, the theatrical version along with one with an alternative ending. You also get a cast and crew commentary, then over on disc two we have a behind-the-scenes featurette, five making-of documentaries, a music video, trailers for the film and previews for Cat and Mouse, Naked Weapon, and He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not. Unfortunately, none of the extra material is subtitled, so perhaps a Region 1 distributor can take the initiative and release it here. In any case, there’s quite a bit of material here.

I’d happily get SARS if I could marry this woman.

6.5 out of 10